\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/steven-writer
Author IconMail Icon
Review Requests: ON
1,593 Public Reviews Given
1,640 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of Harry's Prairie  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This is a story that I could relate to - the amount of flak my ex got for planting a native garden at the front of our house was incredible!

Technically, this was one of the cleanest works I have seen. Nicely done!

Story-wise, it was really strong (and I didn't see the ending coming, which I love when reading), but I think it lacked some emotion at the end. All we get is that Harry had a shell-shocked expression on his face. How was he feeling, what physiological forces hit him, how did his body react, elements like that to really make us feel for Harry and what he had lost. You showed his excitement through his dialogue at the start, but the ending just felt like it happened.

Apart from that, this was a strong piece with an interesting message (one I personally liked). Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Went looking through your port for something for your anniversary month, and this struck me.

We see so many of these by the sides of the roads where accidents have taken people. And I never really gave them much thought. But this brief piece (old, but I think it could be timeless considering this still happens) gave me a perspective I had not thought of - the shrines celebrate the death, not the life, of the person.

You have put t forward well, starting with the example and the growth of this death shrine, then commenting on it and stating your desire to remembered for who you are, not how you die. It is a simple sentiment, but one put forth so succinctly and well.

There is nothing I could say to improve this piece. The fact that it needs to be said is sad enough as it is.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of Devolution  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review'.

The thing was, reading it, even though it is 7/8 years old, it could have been written yesterday. It still holds so true. I guess you had sort of hoped it would not become as timeless as it has...

I had to look up the form, and you followed it well, with the differences between the President and Dictator, though in the same person/poem right there. I had not seen this form before and yours is a fine example of what it means.

I don't think I have anything to help you with this one. So, really well done and good uck going forward!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review of Save on Disk!  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review', and I know it is old, but thought I'd give it a go.

This is not a poetry form I am familiar with, but your explanation shows that you followed it well. Even though it doesn't need a meter, the way you have written it has made it easy to read out loud, so you have a fine rhythm going here.

As for the subject matter, is it amazing how much things have changed in the 21 years since you posted this? We wouldn't use disks now, but I had so many of them on my desk. What now? Cloud? USB? External hard drive? Just such a fascinating flashback to a time that should not be as long ago as it is.

This was a fun poem for someone of my "vintage".

Again, an oldie, but a goodie. *BigSmile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of Runaway  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

To start with, I did guess where this was going from the moment Joey mentioned Sarah and the child he had never seen. I recently wrote a blog about messages in writing, and this is an example of the story itself carrying the message, and not the writer dumping a message on the reader. You integrated what you had to say into the narrative seamlessly. This is an example of a message done well in fiction.

Technically, one or two little blemishes, but generally good.

Story-wise, Alice sounded much older than the age she was portrayed. Some of the things she said and her logic spoke of someone older than six years old, especially living in a foster situation. She just felt out of time for the story itself. Of course, being six is ideal for her tagging along with Joey, but the rest does not work to me.

However, a fine story of hope. Well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review of What's in a Name?  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review'.

Fun little story about names and what parents think. Would've been better if you picked someone with a really weird name, not Arnold Dorsey (Engelbert's real name) who changed it for reasons of British entertainment rules, and chose one that could never cause an issue.

Technically, one missing comma! (Between fast and buddy.) Very clean. Nicely done.

So, fun little piece of flash. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review of Christmas Ghosts  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a sad story with a touch of hope at its core. While I did see where this was going - the title was a huge giveaway - it was still well written and a nice look at a man doing what he could to cope with the holidays without reverting to bad habits.

The hints were subtle - "had left me" - but "still had her key" felt off. However, the idea of who Emma was was well hidden until the reveal.

Technically, the punctuation around direct speech does need some work (without tooting my horn too loudly, may I recommend: "20240125 Direct Speech" Open in new Window.?). Also, the repeated phrase at the start "a few years back" linked things that did not need to be hinted at being linked, in my opinion.

Still, good Christmas story. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review of Mistake  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

Well, this is an interesting little biographical tale, told in flash fiction. You don't over-do it, don't overtell, just set it out and too many of us can possibly relate, if not as drinkers, then as parents.

It was a fun little tale. My only quibble would be the 'How To/Advice' and 'Children's' genres. Doesn't feel like either really fits.

Still, fun story. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.0)
This came up on 'Read and Review.'

A strange fairytale styled story.

To be honest, I struggled to follow what was happening. A lot of that was due to the way this was written. But to start with, the story just sort of meandered from something happening to the next thing with no context or no reason. Suddenly creating the skill to control dragons, for example. Where did that come from? It was like a dream put down on paper. And a character being part spider meant nothing to the story. Why have that?

The story was all tell and very little show. It was just the way a kid might entertain their parent while making up a story on a long, boring care journey. Just things happening for... reasons? I guess?

Now, technically. The lack of correct paragraphing is a huge issue, making it so hard to read and following. Add to this a lack of correct punctuation, missing capital letters, run-on sentences everywhere, and a constantly changing verb tense and it all adds to the lack of clarity of what was written. To correct every mistake would be time I could not afford.

The narrator asides were an interesting stylistic choice, and one I am sure could have been utilised more effectively, but, like everything else, it was without rhyme or reason.

I am not even sure of the story here to give a foundation.

Sorry this is negative, but it was a struggle to read and made little sense.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review'.

An interesting little narrative about a child seeing that "thing in the dark" and knowing that maybe sometimes our nightmares can be real. There is a strong tale here of the smiling man taking over the child's mind, and the child almost going willingly.

So, technically. There is some missing punctuation, and some sentences feel incomplete, or disjointed, which did make the flow falter and did cloud the meaning at times. This just needs a thorough edit from that point of view.

Story-wise, very much a tell instead of show story. We get very little of the deeper emotions, the physiological effects, the lingering of the thoughts created by the smiling man within the narrator. It was very muted and this lowered the creepiness of what could have been quite the unnerving tale.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Some really pleasant memories here. Though unique to yourself, the overall feel of those good times with an elderly relative in a time long ago is something that I am sure many can see in themselves while reading this.

Technically, this felt very clean; no errors that I could see.

I guess my only issue is that this felt aimless. It was a series of vignettes, which is fine, but they did not lead one into another. These sorts of memories can often do that, but this was just a list of things. To that end, it also felt like it had no real ending, just another vignette. Maybe some structure would help here.

Still, it was a fun remembrance. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
Review of Pen  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I never thought of it like this before. Taking the pen and anthropomorphising it to a point where it might even be glad to give its life in creative pursuits is actually rather depressing. But then grieving for the loss of a really good pen is something that I think many of us can relate to. You have captured this rather well, and even leads to second guessing what we are doing.

Technically, it felt fine. Could see no errors.

I think if I was to suggest something, it might be to expand upon the feelings of the pen itself, something you only alluded to briefly, but that was intriguing enough.

Really well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review of That smile  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A sweet poem about a smile that sticks in the mind, a memory that does not fade. It is something I feel that many of us can relate to; so many have that one fleeting moment seared into our brains like this.

As far as a poem goes, I read poetry out loud, and the ABAB rhyme scheme almost demanded a constant rhythm, and this poem lacked that. It did feel awkward to say. There was also a couplet that did feel like a forced rhyme - retrieval/regal.

So, a poem that has, at its core, such a pleasant and invoking idea, but could use some tightening.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
Review of Love is More  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This reads like a personal experience with love and all its trappings, maybe based on experience, maybe on observation, but it certainly does not come across as a typical essay.

In fact, this reads more like a prose poem. There is nothing wrong with that, by the way, it just does not follow a normal essay structure and feels too infused with emotion.

Technically, it was well-written; I could see no mistakes in that regard.

Content-wise, it is also perfectly fine.

I think treating this as a poem and adding a little more of the personal from your own point of view would certainly drive it more towards the prose poem concept; if it remains an essay, even a personal one, then the structure could be tweaked. So, at the moment, it sits between the two.

But a strong piece. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review of Crossroads  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This rather depressing philosophical essay. There are some strong thoughts and ideas here, and the concept of us being domesticated by ourselves is one that is not given anywhere near enough credence these days.

Some of the ideas do feel muddled. Was told from the PoV of an everyperson, a person living with a disability or someone else? It did feel like it jumped around a bit.

Some of the phrases used had a muddled meaning. For example, "bristling the wiry fur" means to rub it the wrong way, which is uncomfortable for an animal, but that is not the way you have portrayed it. Little things like that. It just needs a thorough edit, maybe with an external set of eyes.

So, a good piece with a strong message, but I feel some clarification would make it stronger.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review of Planted love  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A short poem that says a lot in so few words. The idea of a love that grows to such an intensity over time is one that I feel many can relate to, but is rarely put forth like this. You have built it nicely, starting from unsure to all-encompassing.

I think the brevity helps, as it does not belabour any point, and yet still has some deeply personal emotions in it.

The lack of punctuation, etc. is fine as a poetic expression.

This is a strong piece. Well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
Review of Writing Scares Me  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This piece is one that brings up some questions in the reader, especially on a site dedicated to writing like this one. Writing scares a lot of people - overcoming that fear is what makes a writer a writer. In my opinion.

Your recollection of the past events comes across well. You have used them to demonstrate that the ideas are there, but you're not sure how to portray it. And yet, you do portray it. Or maybe you mean with depth.

You question what you have to write about - you have a lot. But does everything you write need to be non-fiction or autobiographical? Why not base a fiction piece on your lived experiences? Short stories about a musician on the road? The more you write, the better you will become - especially if you take critiques on board - and this essay will be the place where you started.

Technically, this was fine. Could not see any mistakes. What I would recommend is maybe adding a little more about your emotions - how does this make you feel? Why do you feel this way? Start to expand on the what and look at some of the why. And the writing, I feel, will grow from there.

Good luck going forward and I hope your muse finds you in this field.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
Review of Shards of Hope  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


One of the better responses I've seen from the side of politics that didn't win. It is not the end, but just a set-back, and there are more rounds of the fight to come. It is a poem of hope and not complete despair, so well done there.

As a poem, I read poetry out loud to give me an idea of how it works, and two of the lines really felt too long when taken in conjunction with the rest of the poem. Maybe split them, just to make the breath-taking for a reader feel more comfortable? Just a thought.

Well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is very brief. So much more detail is needed here. Statements do not mean a great deal without evidence to back them up. What this feels like is either the opening paragraph of a longer essay or article, waiting for each point to be expanded upon.

Technically, it is fine.

It just feels way too short for what could be an interesting article.
20
20
Review of Flight 363  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Something different - sci-fi romance with a surprising narrator. Some will say don't do this to the first person PoV narrator, but I think you managed to make it work. Setting up a strange little will-they, won't-they romance while faced with the journey to space did add a weird dynamic to it.

Story-wise, the emotions felt muted through the language used. It was all tell and very little show. We had a first-person narrator, and we had no idea how they were really feeling here. It was just dialogue. What about some physiological reactions, especially after the "best friends' comment? However, for trained astronauts, it did also sound rather immature as well.

However, the biggest issue with this tale was the punctuation, especially around direct speech, and paragraph separation. This needs a really good edit to clean it up. In more than one case, the meaning was hard to get because of the technical issues.

So, an interesting story with a different setting and a strong ending, but it does need some cleaning.

Good luck going forward!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
21
21
Review of NOT HOLD ON  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This is an interesting mantra explained. While I do not think the mantra works brilliantly in all situations, your explanation does give it credence and you support your arguments, which is what the idea of writing and putting it out there is.

The issues with this piece are technical, however. Some of the verb syntaxes do not quite work, and it does confuse the meaning. That did make some of your arguments clouded. This just needs a thorough edit.

So, an interesting piece, but one that does need some little work. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This is a poem of a deep love, one that the narrator is almost basing their personality and their sense of self on being in love with their "flower". There is a sense of feeling like this love is timeless, from the narrator's point of view.

As a free-form poem, it works well, and was easy to read out loud, which is what I do for poetry.

I guess my only issue is this relationship does not feel healthy, and that always makes me wary when reading things like this.

Still, fine poem, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Looking through your port, this struck me. It is the cycle of life encapsulated so neatly and succinctly. The repetition of the three lines, broken by one line that does not fit really emphasises this point.

I say the line doesn't fit, but it is the crux of the poem.

Short, sharp and shiny, not overstaying its welcome - this is a really well done little poem

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
Review of The Lies You Told  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I know you stated this was not about you, but, wow, have you captured the feelings of going through this well.

I like your use of language, from the opening of "the religion of you" all the way through to "every ruinous word". There is a bitterness and a sadness here that comes through so well.

For your anniversary month, this might feel like it's just praise, but there is very little I would change. It was easy to read out loud, and I could feel the emotion. I guess if I were to offer one thing, it would be it did feel distant; there was not enough of the real deep emotion this sort of thing engenders.

Still, great work, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
Review of Just Bananas!  Open in new Window.
Review by S Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I decided to review this for your anniversary month because it had no reviews yet.

There was a hint of surreality about this piece, even of wish fulfilment or wanting or believing something enough. It certainly did not take itself seriously, and in the flash constraints, it worked well. No point was belaboured, nothing was explained, it was just a "this happened" sort of story. Perfect for the form, and it didn't need it to be a weird little piece (and I mean that in a good way).

Technically, some issues with direct speech that a good edit should fix easily enough; otherwise, fine.

Fun piece. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
796 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 32 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/steven-writer