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Review Requests: ON
1,861 Public Reviews Given
1,915 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is an interesting little story. The idea of the mother writing a book no-one in the family knew about is a strong one.

But it is incomplete. Either that, or you forgot Chekhov's gun. You mention all this family disruption and we even get a photo, the sender's relationship not divulged. We are told about a family that has become estranged. However, none of that means anything when the crux of the story is mum's book. If it was then projected in the story, or the book made Samantha want to bridge the gap, then it would have meant something. But it does not even inform the central idea.

Is Samantha the daughter who was Debi's best friend? This is really confused.

There are also some redundancies in narrative, like when you tell us she waited an hour for her brother to leave.

Technically, there are some issues with punctuating direct speech; otherwise, quite clean.

There is so much potential in this to be a real family drama styled story, but it just did not close any of its endings at all.

You write well and have some strong ideas, so don't be afraid to let this one fly. It could easily be extended out to a family drama of 5k words just by using what you already have here and allowing these loose ends to be tied up.

Good luck going forward.


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2
2
Review of The Traveler  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Interesting little vignette. Not sure if it is based on a true story or not, because it reads like that. The reason I say that is that nothing happens for the reader. A woman is taken by security. We have no insight into it, just this is a thing that happened. Without that reasoning it is not a story but a vignette, a scene. It feels it belongs in a longer work.

Technically, you left out a few verbs... or you used a full-stop instead of a comma, and so the clauses became fragments. Two examples: The second sentence needs a 'was". The last sentences should be 'Before she could protest, both guards lifted her off the ground.'

And why the vivid description at the start? It did not help let us know who the woman was, and just felt like padding.

A formatting thing - separate your paragraphs more definitely.

Interesting little thing that happened, but it has the potential to be so much more. Good luck going forward.


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3
3
Review of Mistress Mary  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice little creepy story; the ghost who takes the living is a common occurrence in the folklores of many regions.

I liked the way you set it up, and Fred knowing who she was immediately. Even the 'new guy' line rang so true. And a good ending, subtle, leaving it to the imagination.

Technically, one thing - when you drop a letter, you need an apostrophe -> thinkin', for example.

But a strong story. Well done and good luck going forward.


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4
4
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
An interesting little tale of a new arrival in a foreign country being accosted.

I could see where it was going from the moment the baby was mentioned, and even guessed a version of the ending. But with the language of Amadou, it felt natural and built nicely. You did a good job capturing Enzo's confusion.

Also, good job staying with Enzo's PoV throughout.

My only question would be the ending, him making the house his own. You mentioned the demand of Amadou for higher wages; I think after what he did a decent ending would tie this loose end up and Enzo agreeing.

Still, a decent story. Good luck going forward.


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5
5
Review of Take Me Away  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
It is difficult to review lyrics without music there, but in my head I heard this coming from a band like Paramore, a rock style with a powerful female voice filled with emotion. If we go back a few years it could have been Lita Ford performing it.

The lyrics work well, not as a cry to end it all, but just to, literally, be taken to a different place. Your song structure is standard, but for modern music, that is what is expected, and it works well.

The only question I have is why would the singer wants the buried things to finally feel real? Surely they've been buried for a reason. It feels odd in context.

Still, this is a good song, one that will be easy to set music to. Well done, and good luck going forward.


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6
6
Review of Creation  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
There is a lot of truth in this poem. You have not gone into what caused or created the creation of "stuff" - thankfully - and just stated that no creation makes no real sense.

No philosophy, a simple observation in a simple poem.

Shorty, sharp and shiny. Loved it. Good luck going forward.


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7
7
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

This is a chapter? It feels so much more like an outline. It is just a telling of a series of events. There is no show, no emotion.

Technically, there are a lot of errors in punctuation, spelling, homophone use, etc. Why 2 full stops? An ellipsis is three. And using them so often diminishes their effect. You change verb tense from past to present, and at the end you even go from first to second person narration.

This feels like a very first draft and needs an edit, unless it is waiting for you to put "meat on the bones" to make it more a story/chapter and less a series of thoughts.

Good luck going forward.


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8
8
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I was not sure where this was going, and that is rare for me here at WdC. This was a cute story that suited the prompt really well. It made sense, and in today's culture, a mascot like that is something I can see happening.

Two things. First, I felt the manager came across belligerent then softened too easily. I think if he started confused not angry, then his softening would make more sense.

Second is technical: quotes in quotes. So "We'll just say "wrong size," then. You know, he's actually kinda cute…" She leaned over and ran a hand through the panda's thick fur. should be "We'll just say, 'Wrong size,' then. You know, he's actually kinda cute…" She leaned over and ran a hand through the panda's thick fur. Very technical, but the rest was really clean.

Good work, and good luck going forward.


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9
9
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read A Newbie.'

Very brave putting this sort of thing out there in the public sphere. It was a little confronting, but your turns of phrase were quite good. The mom calling instead of the person being addressed, socks on cankles, the elephants in the circus - you captured a situation without bemoaning everything and adding little elements of humour.

And yet, it still feels like the situation was traumatic.

A strong poem, not going overboard with emotion, and yet detailing what you have gone through.

Good luck going forward.


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10
10
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You advertised this on Scroll...

So a fun little crime caper, told from an interesting PoV - the blindsided spouse. The action moves along smoothly, and you have created a believable Muslim couple, very devout in their faith. I would like to have seen that come into play when bringing Josh down; it did just feel like a personality quirk.

It had a good pace, and a believable ending.

However, two things. First, I think Josh would have appealed to Monique, saying it was a misunderstanding instead of just being a smug git. Second, a lot of the conversation did not feel natural.

But, that aside, it was a fun tale. Good luck going forward.


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11
11
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

This read like the sort of story someone would tell in a pub, the quirky sort of tale told to sucker a listener in and get a laugh at the end. The informal writing style, the tell style, really adds to this casual approach which suits the story well. In fact, I could imagine the gravedigger telling this when someone asks, "What happened at the cemetery today? Heard there was a fight."

I did not see the ending coming - which is rare at WdC - and it made me laugh.

Good work, good effort, and good luck going forward.


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12
12
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

You have this down as a 'Letter/Memo' but it reads very much like prose poetry. I don't know a lot about what that is exactly, but this fits the examples I have seen really well.

As for content, the opening paragraph (especially "asking for a friend") does not really fit with the heart-felt tone of the rest of the piece. And "thruth" I am guessing is supposed to be "truth". Also watch consistency of paragraph spacing, be it memo or poem.

While there were some parts that felt a little juvenile (tears flooding a city, for example), it was certainly a well written piece and quite emotional.

So, some good writing, good use of emotion, just maybe some tightening could help. Good luck going forward.


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13
13
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

Well, that didn't end like I thought it would. I just got darker and darker and darker and ended up not good. It was like this was a parable you'd read to kids to convince them not to ever get a dog. While I don't mind depressing stories, this is a tale that I am sure would upset many here at WdC. I get what you were going for (the last line gives it away), but the whole thing feels like it is anti-dog.

My only issue with the story is the formatting. The separation of paragraphs is inconsistent. It does place weird emphasis on some things and not on others.

Still, an interesting story with a weird ending. Good luck going forward.


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14
14
Review of Two way street  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Why not do yet another anniversary review?

This is a poem that I can really relate to. To often the connections end up being ships passing in the night, not the combined togetherness of an armada of two.

I read poetry out loud and this was an easy poem to verbalise, lending itself to a slow, yet impassioned tone.

A sad poem, depressing, with an ending that manages to drop the mood even more. But well written and put forward in a minimum of words.

Good luck going forward.


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15
15
Review of Unsent  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

This was good free form poem. The idea of the same old things done with a partner now being able to be done alone, giving different meaning, and without the narrator having to question themselves, is given some nice voice here.

I read poetry out loud, and this worked quite well, but in the area:
"I've been piecing together the girl who used to
hum in the mirror.
The one who used to dream before you made her
question"
the first and third lines felt a little long to say compared to the rest.

Still, that is a personal opinion, and the poem itself was a strong one ("It doesn't echo with your name anymore./ It sings mine." is such a good couplet).

Good luck going forward.


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16
16
Review of The Longest Day  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

A depressing look at the state of the world as it stands now. You've captured a lot of the angst and fears circling everyone as I write this.

Some clunky lines (e.g. "Everything living creature...") do mar it.

However, I read poetry out loud, and this sort of stanza set-up and rhyming scheme almost demands a more constant rhythm, which was not evident throughout. The syllable count is all over the place, even if the rhyme scheme works well, even with the final differing line count stanza. In my opinion, I'd look at that part.

Still, a fine poem, trying to come to grips with things. Good luck going forward.


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17
17
Review of The Office Visit  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

Fun little dialogue. Death going to a psychiatrist makes sense. Feeling under-appreciated and people not seeing how hard he works to keep a death rate up is perfectly valid. While this is almost 20 years old, it could just have easily been written yesterday with the comments through it (unfortunately).

Technically, some little things - a you're for a your, missing closing quotation marks - so a thorough edit would fix these.

I also liked the ending; very dark, droll and amusing.

It just felt like Death was reciting a list of petty peeves; I would have liked for him to be a bit more annoyed or angry or upset by everything. His tone and word choice felt subdued to me.

Still, fun tale. Good luck going forward.


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18
18
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This came up in 'Read & Review.'

Okay, these were two fun pieces. I found myself agreeing with the first one, and a little with the second one.

They read like the transcript of someone on a podcast, someone giving their opinion, using notes but talking off the top of their head. It worked well for that style.

However, that did mean these were not essays. They were op-eds, opinmion pieces giving one side of an argument. I am not saying what you wrote was wrong, but by giving one side and not sticking to form, it is no longer an essay, as such. Sorry, but I am nothing if not pedantic.

Still, what you wrote here was an easy read. It would work better, I feel, as a spoken word, and you put forward your points of view well and with clarity. Although you did start with the "smartest of all time" line and never came back to it.

So, some good opinion pieces here, written in an easy style. Good luck going forward.


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19
19
Review of Too Much Blue  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

The story concept is an interesting one, creation as a bureaucracy, run by departments with the standard things we see in our own world. The idea of someone "fixing" a planet by "using their initiative" is also fun, and the ending with potential additions is a fun "what if" scenario to finish with.

On a format front, I would differentiate the read-outs about the planet. Different font, italics, whatever it takes - at the moment these readouts fade into the narrative a little too much. Also, why put initials into brackets when these phrases are not used again? The only one used was UC, which was also the only one not in brackets.

Technically, there were way too many errors to list them all. Misplaced or missing punctuation, inconsistent thought depiction, missing capitalisation, incorrect homophone usage - this needs an incredible amount of editing. You also head hop in one of the review meetings.

So, while the idea is a good one, this does very much feel like a first draft. Good luck going forward.


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20
20
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm not sure if it's your intention, but this little piece shows exactly what the issue is with getting news and information from social media - the disinformation, misinformation, exaggerations and lies fill the platforms as people with low media literacy levels parrot badly things they might have read or overheard.

If this is a genuine fear you have, then I would suggest move away from socials as anything more than a means of connecting with friends and being entertained.

If your purpose was to show how modern media absorption through non-traditional outlets is dangerous to mental health, then you have done a good job.

Being stuck between a genuine fear and an interesting rhetorical makes this piece intriguing.

Technically, the opening paragraph needed to be broken down as the topic changed. So, watch paragraphing. Otherwise, fine.

Good luck with everything, and good luck going forward.


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21
21
Review of Hope.  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A sad tale of a dystopia. By focusing on the one character and their reflections, you have really made it feel even more depressing and desolate. That single character really lifts this.

The fact that no-one responds to the narrator's assertion is just as telling.

In so few words you have managed to paint quite the picture, done quite the world-building.

Really strong, really well done and technically very clean. Good luck going forward.


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22
22
Review of In the Woods  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A poem that captures a moment in time, the fear of the animals upon hearing something out of place. There is a build, some tension, then relief at the end when the deer is safe. It is sweet, almost something for children.

I read poetry out loud, and there were two lines that were awkward - the opening one, and the one that starts "suddenly". The opening is too long and makes the shorter lines after feel odd, while suddenly invites a pause and makes this line a little long as well.

Apart from that, the poem worked well. Good luck going forward.


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23
23
Review of The Virus  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Writing about the coronavirus and all that it meant, especially at the time, is a very good way to have some sort of cathartic release. And that fact that now, years after you wrote this, it is still here and still killing people is something that I find unbelievable.

As a poem, the rhyme scheme is fine except the word "end" which does not rhyme with dead/ fled/ dread.

But the biggest issue is the rhythm I read poetry out loud and with a aaaa-bbbb etc. rhyme scheme,. it wants a constant rhythm. But the syllable count is all over the place and the rhythm just is not there. It makes it awkward to read.

So, a good idea, some fine concepts, but a few little things to be looked at. Good luck going forward.


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24
24
Review of Balance  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Some poignant observations that are not becoming any less poignant as the years go by. You offer some simple solutions but also acknowledge that there is one simple solution - your last line.

I read poetry out loud and the opening verse was awkward to read in relation to the rest. Also you had occasional direct rhymes which wanted to form a rhythm the rest of the poem did not possess. These are verbal issues.

As a poem you have put forth your ideas well, though. Good luck going forward.


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25
25
Review of Turned  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Good slow build of tension here, and we got into Judy's mind well. There could have been more made of her physiological responses to what was happening, to really up the tension, however. The idea of circles being the things to get to her is a good one; really hard to avoid them.

Two things: "She could remove herself from it..." feels a lot more definitive than just being locked up in an asylum. And the paragraph starting: "Several months passed. It was decided..." is not necessary. Big chunk of tell when it could just as easily have been placed in the narrative.

Technically, you're missing commas of address in direct speech and occasionally go into the passive voice a little too much.

Still, a good story and you followed the prompt well. Good luck going forward.


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