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Review by stephanloy Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"though was easy"
I think this should be "though it was easy".

When I first started reading this, I thought I was in for your basic, undesired, Star Wars fan fiction stuff, but this first chapter differentiated itself admirably in the first few paragraphs. I'm not a fan of space fantasy unless it is done well and character driven, and this seems to be along those lines. It reminds me of some of the serialized CJ Cherryh stuff.
The four closely illustrated characters, Athenais, paul, Morgan and Giggles, all have definite physical characteristics that make them stand out from the background, they have distinct and complementary personalities, and they have separate personal mysteries that make them compelling.
The bar is very visually presented, its clientele and atmosphere clearly delineated. I could smell the stale beer.
The backstory for Athenais and the history in which she walks was clearly presented without sounding like an outline. It was all well fitted into the dialogue and the brief but necessary explanations within the narrative.
The only things that bothered me were a few comments regarding the world framework in which these people move. Eriad is, I gather, penoi's (sp?) moon, yet at one point Athenais asks if they plan to blow up Eriad's star. Wouldn't that be Penoi's star?
How big is this Utopia? One moon? It seems odd, though there's no reason it couldn't be, that the Utopia apparently does not include the mother planet. There is probably a story there.
All in all, a very good start. Interesting characters, compelling setting, and just enough of a curious world to make one want to see more. Also, professionally presented, thankfully free of crippling grammatical and spelling errors. Oh, but there was one place where you used "Giggle's" as the possessive. I think that would be "Giggles's".
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