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10 Public Reviews Given
91 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Hungry Eyes  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings,

The title is a tad cliche (not a criticism, just an observation) but it thoroughly describes the poem. The short lines accentuate the fleeting nature of the speaker's fantasies. The imagery is vivd and the subject is interesting.

Overall, your puctuation makes sense. I think you should remove the following comma
"The sound
of bony fists
pounding
on the cold,
stone floor"

It doesn't belong there. The pause feels awkward and isn't required by grammar. I suggest that you remove them.


The last couple of stanzas were somewhat disappointing though. The language weakens toward the end. I think the final note should be "condemned to die". "Dungeon of doom" is weak, melodramatic and unnecessary.

Of course, these are my thoughts and no one else's. They may differ from your thoughts. These are simply some suggestions. Overall a pretty good poem.
2
2
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
(chuckles), clever pun, it made me smile
3
3
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a fine poem. The rhythm and rhyme are excellent. I enjoyed this, it was quite amusing. Thanks for sending the link.
4
4
Review of FOR YOU MY BOY!  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a sweet, touching poem. One I'm sure a son would delight in recieving from his mom.
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