Your ability to construct an image with such a consistent construction is a testament to you ability and gift. The choice of this lilting staccato is wholly approriate for the tone. I notice the title as a description of cherished pain and I ask if the pain is the event, as evidenced by the entire first half describing the scene, or is there something else?
There is a hint of something else when you mention that the family is angered at you. You hint that there is some unfinished business when you describe being 'marred' and again having 'disdain'. If this is the topic of the 'pain' then perhaps you could, either elaborate on the pain that you have decided to cherish. Perhaps you could explore the 'heart' of the poem.
I offer this critique purely with a stateless mind. I am not a professional nor strong writer so please factor this in your reading. However, I found this work worthy of comment. as it is a well-written piece.
I rated this as a 3.5 specifically becauseI think the only missing is the true heart of the story. Whether that is the event leading to the 'pain' or simply a poetic reverie of the pain itself.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 1:18am on Nov 11, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
