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Review of Guardian Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by K. Hartwell Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Shruthi,

This story is quite good. It was well thought out, has a powerful message, and a wide range of emotions. One thing to note however; the tense of the story.
At the beginning you wrote in the past tense " Sam gave the photograph to me.
I looked at the photo and quietly whispered 'Gabriel'".

Then just before the scene that starts the flashback, you wrote "I look up towards the sky, smile and walk back in". It might be your intent to write it like this, but the story is less cohesive with jumping tenses. The whole thing in general is one big flashback, with another one right in the middle. Also, one more thing that I want to mention. I myself am a writer of stories, both novels and short stories. I have found that it gets complicated during flashbacks when you use first person. It is best to speak in the third person at these times.

One instance is this. "Next day morning I went to school as usual. Later I went up to the RedRock Hill. I had decided to jump off the hill. I had written a letter to mother informing my decision. I sat there for an hour. Around 5 O’clock I made up my mind and gathered all the courage to jump (a bit shaky in these few words). As I stood up I could feel a presence behind me, I turned. I saw the handsomest boy I had ever seen in my life staring at me. He came forward and gave me a dazzling smile. I didn’t react because I was staring with astonishment."

However it could be said something more along the lines of... "The next day, (insert name of grandmother here) went to school. Later (insert name here) went up to the RedRock Hill. She had decided to jump off the hill. She had written a letter to her mother, informing her of (insert name here)'s decision. She sat there for an hour. Around 5 O'clock (insert name here) had made up her mind and gathered all the courage she needed to jump."

As you can see it adds another layer to the story. Though this may not be the direction you want it to go, it is something to consider. Other than those however, I have nothing to critique other than some odd phrasing here and there. All in all it was still a very good piece, and I commend you on a good start to this site. Remember to keep writing, and to do some reviewing as well, as both will help you to be a better writer.

-Kyrion
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