This sounds like it would be fantastic in a brightly colored children's book. I had a pond once in my old house. I had goldfish living in it. One day cattails from I don't know where started growing in it. Today the fish are gone and the cattails have taken over. I miss that little pond, but I won't be making another one in my new home. Too much work, too much heartache when I lose a fish. I don't even know where to get mosquito fish anymore to keep the bad bugs from biting me. Anyways I'm rambling but that's what the poem made me think about.
I don't know why but this poem reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw when in a parking lot. "Not today Satan, not today." Not today writer's block, I'm going to use you for a poem, so ha! Now if only it could be so easy for me to do the same, but I guess it's not easy because I have not written a divorce/breakup letter to my writer's block. Right?
I was a bit confused reading this. But I guess that's because I don't know what love is. At first I thought she was no longer in love with some man, even though the man was fighting for her, which broke her heart. But in the end it seems she really loves him, and she does want him, but I guess she's a bit high maintenance and pushes him to the point of breaking. Anyways these were the thoughts that ran through my head as I read this little passage about love. I also thought about the man in Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, especially from the beginning part.
What an evil dude. She sounds nice. Clingy I understand, my wife used to be the same way. She never left me along and always wanted to do what she wanted to do. But it wore off. I stopped always doing what she wanted to do. She would get mad at me. And now she just surfs the internet on her phone in our free moments. And I sneak out into the office late at night to play guitar or read a book or write or draw or just do anything that I like to do to relax and enjoy life.
I love manmade objects that go back to nature. I know I'm supposed to feel sad about the farm being abandoned, and I do, but there is something romantic in building with wild grass growing all around and maybe a tree poking through the window. The word chartreuse really distracted me. It's such a neon green or yellow color! And I ended up looking it up on Wikipedia only to learn that it's a very fancy liquor made in France as well! So I learned something new while reading your poetry. I give you a thumbs up for the imagery and how it set my mind to wander.
Uh oh sounds like someone is about to get eaten by baboons! Ha ha that's the final thought I had after reading this poem. I liked it, I got a strong vivid image from reading the words. What more can you ask from a little poetry? That's better than a lot of other poems I have read.
This little vignette of a story grabbed my interest quickly, which is nice for something so short. Maybe it could be turned into a flash fiction story? I just need a little more detail on what she's doing in the lab, why is there a group wanted to protest, and what exactly is she studying or doing at this educational institution. Then it would feed like a complete story. I imaging something like Serial Experiments Lain when you describe all the computer terminal stuff. A cyberpunk story out of this would interest me!
Well, this story definitely kept me interested until the end. For some reason, I kept expecting some sea monster in the lake to gobble all the boats up. But I guess that's just because I've been reading too many fantasy stories. I love how you built up how nice the weekend was supposed to be for Marie, only to end in tragedy. That way the tragedy hits you harder. The ending was interesting with that instant karma hitting Carl and making you feel less sorry for Marie.
Hi Eden, hope you are feeling better today. It looks like this post of yours is public, so people are able to review it. It's also a very new post, and now that reviewers give those reviewed gift points, you are getting a little more than just a place to rant and rave. I keep a journal and like to write about all the things I love about living. I don't record the negative things that are happening. My own little happy place, and writing really helps to work the good thoughts into your brain.
You must get a lot of five-star reviews from this one! I really like these lines the most:
For I love how the dawn turns the bland sand
into crystals of light, tinged in hyacinth hues.
For I love to soothe the hurts, to console the souls,
to heal with kindness, to dote with delight.
It's a beautiful way to express how we love life, and shirk away from the darkness that is growing in some people. Great writing. I really enjoyed reading it this morning.
This is great! It's so very true. The bad days that people are having are so hard for me to comprehend because nothing bad is actually happening around them. The sky is still blue, the birds are still chirping, nobody is physically trying to kill you, the food is still on the table. Yet some people just can't see it. They can't shake it off and live in the moment. They are consumed and blinded by whatever ideology has filled them. What a great post!
It's so hard to write flash fiction. Or in this case tiny fiction. I'm always impressed by those who pull it off. You managed to make something interesting and thought provoking in just 74 words. Was someone really tapping outside of her window? Or was it her reflection and a tree branch making the noise? You can interpret the words in the most mundane and realistic way possible, or you can turn it into something supernatural, depending on the reader's preference. And that is what makes what I just read interesting. An interesting scene, full of imagery and depth of interpretation.
Ha ha I loved the twist at the end. Poor elderly people. The homes I've visited really do seem like prisons to me. They are denied so much for "their safety", and the gifts they are given to their loved ones are sometimes taken by the caretakers for themselves.
At first I though the character was so arrogant, so full of herself and this made me think isn't this what most people who preach about "freedom" are really like at the core? There is no such thing as true "freedom", you can't do whatever you want, it will eventually kill you and the ecosystem you depend on.
And I also thought what about the people in Arizona, who can't go outside during the summer without almost killing themselves from the heat? Would this lady enjoy the "fresh air moving swiftly through their hair" if it felt like a blow dryer to your eyeballs? Anyways that was the impression that I got from this piece of flash fiction. I enjoyed it. It made me rant for a good 950+ characters. Nice work!
I read the title and though of the day I announced my engagement on Facebook. I friend had posted, "The Time, They Are A-Changin'" on my wall. That was the first thing I though about when I read the title. The rest of the poem reminds me of my own church, except that I think many people would tell this loud person to turn off his cell phone. A lesson in respect, and we are not afraid to preach this on the Lord's Day. Nice poem. I found it thoughtful and interesting.
Wow not only are the restrictions in this contest pretty extreme in my opinion, but the images you form in this poem are just as extreme! Some of my favorite stanzas were:
"furrows form;
tears erode surface
of the soul"
and
"mirror dropped mid-gaze;
image captured in shards
reflected forever..."
Hi! Such deep, heart breaking loneliness portrayed here! I haven't felt like this since the 6th or 7th grade I think. It's ironic because right now I'm reading a memoir titled 50 Days of Solitude. It's about a bookstore owner who is also a writer and wants to try being alone for 50 days to see if she likes it and if it makes her more productive. Well she also doesn't seem to handle it very well, and gets close to depression. I have isolated myself at least twice from people. One year in high school, and I thought it was very nice! But then some people invited me to their hangout, and I thought they were very nice, so I joined and never left until I graduated. Then I did it again after I got a full time job, and this time I did get lonely, and ended up getting married. But I still crave a little alone time every day. Like right now, when everyone is asleep, and I'm writing this review. It's very sweet, but if it was forced upon me I guess I would feel like the person in this poem! Very nice. You poem made me ramble on a lot! I consider this a success.
Well that was very cute! I did not know you could attached pictures to a writing post. I'm going to read this poem to my 2-year old son. It will go along well with all the Dr. Seuss books he's been asking me to read. I totally thought about him as I read this poem, and I also thought about Theodore Roosevelt, then sure enough you mention him too. What a nice little poem for children. I think it would fit in a children's book very well.
Well doesn't this remind me of my own journal entries almost every day! I also comment to myself about how I'm just rambling on for 7 pages instead of getting any real writing done. But I do hope that the simple exercise of writing will eventually polish a jewel here or there. Still working on it, but I think I need to do a little less freewriting and more constrained-writing. I liked your poem because it resonated with me and my journaling. So five stars for you!
An interesting bit of flash fiction that seems to be about the importance of having a good community around you to support you. I'm having trouble imagining what you mean by a "sky full of people" though. I can only assume the clear blue sky is a symbolic representation of a good community that you are surrounding yourself with, instead of being in the ground and separated from such a good group. Do you consider this a story or a poem? It reads like a poem to me.
An interesting scene snippet that left me very confused. I suppose she was stuck in a dream within a dream. Trapped in an infinite loop of nightmare dreams with goblins and being stuck in school all the time. You probably did not intend for someone to review this little snippet but I'm doing it anyway to let you know the settings you have on it. Cheers!
I liked the story. To me, it seems more like a good outline for a short story. All the ideas you are presenting could be expanded and I think you would still have a 20-page short story on your hands ready for publication. I want to know more about Jack, I want to know what makes the coffee so awful. I want to learn more about those aliens that attacked and why the globe fragmented instead of unified. Because in stories like Watchmen, it was a fake alien attack that unified the world and prevented nuclear holocaust, not the other way around.
What an accurate portrayal of the demons in some people's minds. Now I know what they are going through. It's sad that they never did anything to learn to control their own thoughts. I get crazy thoughts like this every time I go to church, then I say "Shut up brain and relax." and start just writing stuff down to change my focus. Just yesterday I did this and I really did just relax and enjoyed writing the stuff that people were saying down. Just got to find a quiet place and let go. I guess it sounds easy to me now but I needed years of training. Meditating in the desert and learning to focus on a task to squeeze out all other nonsense. I'm not perfect. It's not perfect. I still lose it. But I recover.
So true. War is hell as we all know. It makes me wonder the train of thought and conditions that would lead a body of people into war. There are so many causes to this single effect. That is probably why war is hard to prevent, and we still suffer from it to this day. This poem makes me want to read a history book on the causes of war, and why people justify this hell for themselves.
Nice poem. I was hoping to read what was carved into the tree, but then I guess I'm that was not specified. It left me to think about what could possibly be written that would signify all the things mentioned in the poem. And I love trees, and any poem with trees in it gets a thumbs up from me!
Wow, what a great poem! Sounds like something from the 1800's to me. How did you do that? It sounds like it could be grouped with another poem I read recently by Caroline Atherton Mason
QUOTABLE POEMS S3
Might dash another, with the shock
Of doom, upon some hidden rock.
And so I do not dare to pray
For winds to waft me on my way,
But leave it to a Higher Will
To stay or speed me; trusting still
That all is well, and sure that He
Who launched my bark will sail with me
Through storm and calm, and will not fail
Whatever breezes may prevail
To land me, every peril past,
Within His sheltering Heaven at last.
Then whatsoever wind doth blow,
My heart is glad to have it so;
And blow it east or blow it west,
The wind that blows, that wind is best,
Caroline Atherton Mason
Doesn't it sound like they should be in a collection together? Nice work.
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