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spidey

Review Requests: ON

1,195 Public Reviews Given

1,627 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I attempt a well-rounded review where I look at the item from a writer's and reader's perspective. I'll tell you what I liked and what I think could be strengthened. I like to think I'm a courteous and helpful reviewer.

I'm good at...

attention to detail. If there's a typo, I'll find it!

Favorite Genres

Sci-Fi, Horror, Mystery, Thriller, Drama, Satire, and more

Least Favorite Genres

Romance, Religion, Sports

Favorite Item Types

Short Stories, Poetry, Essays

Least Favorite Item Types

Novels (I just don't have that much time)

I will not review...

There is very little I won't review. Try me!

Public Reviews

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Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4758566

Review of Wherever I Go

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Amethyst Snow Angel

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

I loved the descriptions when it got to the part where they go into the hallway. Very spooky and atmospheric! Well done!

I loved the almost Lovecraftian feel to this story!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

"I'm telling you the honest to God truth."
I believe this should be hyphenated

honest-to-God

Some of the dialogue felt very unnatural to me or maybe inconsistent? I had a hard time placing the characters' ages. I don't know any adults that have used a Ouija board, but maybe that's just me. So I thought they were teenagers at first by that and some of their dialogue. But then they'd say something like, "Indeed, it was" and "No, I swear not," which felt unnatural and older.

My Rating

4.0

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4758564

Review of Unbeknownst To Us

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi PrincessThai

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Great descriptions. I really felt like I could visualize everything being described.

Also, great character writing. I had a good feel for each of the characters and their relationship. I've found that it's hard to do that in a limited word count in a short story, and I think you've done well here!

I like the use of repetition in this paragraph:
Nothing could prepare them for what was to come. The golden egg started to crack. The sound of flying hummingbirds grew louder. And the vibrations grew stronger. The stronger it got the more the egg was cracking. No sound of cracking came from the egg. But you could clearly see cracks forming. And then it stopped. No sound. No vibrations.

Normally, repetition can often distract me or it seems redundant, but here I think it's used well for effect.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

larger than a Volkswagen bug
I think "bug" should be capitalized

Greg refuses to carry a gun. But he does have his own weapon.
It feels like a shift in tense here, because the rest of the story is in past tense. It just stood out to me that there was a shift, and I'm not sure if that was intentional.

The crystals shattered, but then they would quickly form back
To me, the writing could be tightened up just a tad by removing the word "would," such as, "they quickly formed back." Try searching for the word "would" throughout the story, and seeing if the writing could be made stronger by removing it. Just a suggestion.

My Rating

4.5 - Great story and what an ending! I really enjoyed reading this!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4758562

Review of Solomon's garden

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi LightinMind

Overall Thoughts

Well-written and very descriptive. I found myself visualizing the story very easily.

This was quite the high-stakes adventure!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

Throughout the story, sometimes "Bible" is capitalized and other times it isn't. I believe it should always be capitalized, but maybe that's not accurate? The inconsistency threw me off a little while reading.

There were people here also, all Jewish
How did the character know they were all Jewish? I was confused at that part.

My Rating

4.0 - Good story! Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4758559

Review of Helping Sarah Remember

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Hi PureSciFiPlus

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Interesting story! This really pulled me in and I wanted to know what was happening! Good job!

This felt like a section of a larger story to me. I wonder if you might develop it into a serial story or a novel/novella!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

“Every illustration does have a story,” Betty says after looking at Jennifer. This illustration is included, but it’s a little different. I don’t think I should tell you this story because of your age.”
I think this is missing a quotation mark before the word "This"

“First of all, it’s not as bad as it seems. But some parts of this story may be too scary to hear at your age. Then again, maybe you aren’t.”
This line felt awkward to me. Maybe you aren't what? I feel like it would have been clearer if the last sentence was, "Then again, maybe they aren't," like the parts aren't too scary. It just read a little unclear to me.

Every slowly, but they were moving slightly.
A typo, I think. Every Ever

an image of an illustration that I got left at my museum a few weeks ago.”
I think the word "I" isn't needed in this line

I'm confused on the use of "illustration" when I think it's referring to a photograph? The phrase "when was this illustration taken" is repeated, but illustrations are typically drawn, painted or rendered with a computer as far as I'm aware. I could be wrong, though, but I was confused with the terminology here.

My Rating

3.0 - Good story. For me, there were some typos and confusion as to terminology and the story felt a little unresolved at the end, but I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing it!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4699400

Review of Ill-Timed

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi AliceLvs2Write

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

To say I was shocked at the end of the story was an understatement! I had the same reaction as the main character: "WHAT?"

Well done!

Intriguing mystery! I hope this is part of a larger work so I can find out what happens next!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

Maybe this was intentional, but the main character changes the pronouns she uses when talking about the mysterious woman. She calls her "she" a few times, then "they" and I just wasn't sure why she would switch it up. I know she said she thought the person was a woman, maybe she wasn't sure, but then maybe she could have used "they" consistently instead of changing from she to they and back to she.

My Rating

4.0 - Great story! I'd love to know what happens next!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4699392

Review of Seventeen Deaths

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hi PureSciFi

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Interesting sci-fi mystery! I liked how this felt so other-worldly, but I could also easily connect with it.

I loved the interrogation scene!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

Walking down a long constantly curving corridor, Lemmok and Pavicca nob as two different Alien races talking to each other walk by them.
I think there might be a typo here "nob"

nod

I remember leaving Commander Windime and Pavicca after telling them what I had been able to find out with these deaths, and I was walking down the Corridor next to Command Central. The next thing I know I was waking up here and asking what happened.”
I think this section of speech is missing a quotation mark at the start.

My Rating

3.5 - It's tough to flesh out a story when there is a word limit, but I felt like I wanted a little more description of the setting and maybe what the characters looked like. Some of the dialogue felt a little slow to me or maybe not quite necessary. Again, it's hard to do with a limited word count, but I'd love to read more stories in this setting!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4699389

Review of The King's Man

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi LightinMind

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

I liked the intrigue introduced here! You've done well to set the scene and the drama/mystery here! I felt like there was a perfect amount of detail to set up the story. I had a good background and felt like I was in the scene.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

To me, this story felt like part 1 to a larger mystery! I'd love to know what happens next! I hope you continue writing!

I also felt like the characters weren't fleshed out enough, though that could be because of the word count limit. They had such common names that the two main characters sort of blended together for me, and their boss was just called, "the boss." I don't remember reading his name or a description of him at all. I think I would have liked to have a more detailed description of the characters.

My Rating

4.0 - Good story! I enjoyed reading this!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4699386

Review of Detectives

Review by spidey

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi THANKFUL SONALI Library Class!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Great writing! I loved this line: "the sleuths, who had no mystery about appetite and thirst, fell on them like a pack of puppies." And this one: "What would they tell their colleagues at the next meeting?"

A very cute story with a great message! I thought this was very well-written and I enjoyed reading it!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

I found no errors!

My Rating

4.5 - An excellent children's story/mystery. I enjoyed reading this!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4660048

Review of Patterns

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi debmiller1

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

I really liked your opening paragraphs. I'm not sure if the main character is possibly autistic, but I am, and I identified with his perception of the world and fascination with patterns.

I felt this story was very captivating and powerful. I like your choice to tell it from Eric's point of view and through his experience of what happened. I think it was very effective!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

No suggestions, I found your writing to be clear and powerful.

My Rating

5.0 - Excellent story! I really enjoyed reading this! Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4660045

Review of Koen’s Story.

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Sumojo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Great opening paragraph! It really captivated me and brought me right into the story. I felt it set the tone for the story really well.

Great descriptions, too! I could really "feel" and "see" what was going on in the story.

I enjoyed the message of this story and its relation to the prompt. Great parable!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

I believe this story should have a 13+ rating due to mild references to illegal drugs and alcohol.

I found no errors, and I have no other suggestions.

My Rating

5.0 - Excellent story! I enjoyed reading this!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4660044

Review of Tower Moment

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Author Ed Anderson

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Okay, this story left me with so many questions, which was probably intentional! Well done!

Great writing. I was pulled into the story immediately, and I had a clear image of each character throughout.

Great interpretation of the prompt!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

"Stop making fun of this, it's incredibly frusdtrating and disorienting,"
Just a typo, "frustrating" is misspelled

My Rating

4.5 - Great story! I enjoyed this! Thanks for sharing it!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4660039

Review of Why just me?

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi LightinMind

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Great opening lines! It immediately brought me into the story and made me want to know what was happening!

Wow, this is a really powerful story. Great imagery, description, and emotion. It was really powerful throughout the entire story, started and ended strong. Great work!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

"Maybe it isn't hell."
I think "hell," as in the place/location, would be capitalized

Now I could make out a shape, a hint of grey that gave an outline, something was moving on the other side of me from David.
To me, this read like a run-on sentence. Perhaps a semi-colon between "outline" and "something" or a period with "Something" starting a new sentence?

"Captain, good to hear you with us, sir, what do you think is going on?"
Another run-on sentence. Should be a period after "sir" and "What" to start a new sentence

My Rating

4.0 - Great story! For me, some of the writing could have been cleared up, some minor errors, but overall, I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4639971

Review of Silent Wave

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi debmiller1

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

What a clever interpretation of the prompt! I've recently become friends with an ASL interpreter, and in talking to her, I've realized that the default a lot of people have is thinking that people who are deaf lack communication skills, but it's often people who don't know sign language that lack communication skills, too. I remember taking ASL classes when I was younger, but I think it could be a good thing to teach all folks!

Well-written and clear. I enjoyed reading this!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

I have no suggestions for this. Great story!

My Rating

5.0 - Excellent story! Thanks for sharing this!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4639969

Review of Silent Communications

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hi PureSciFiPlus

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Clever interpretation of the prompt!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

Walking over to the almost done window blinds,
Maybe this is a regional thing, but I didn't understand the "almost done" phrase. Maybe you meant "almost down?"

But when James doesn’t come and gets it,
I think "gets" should be "get"

James goes leave the living room
I think this would be clearer if it were written something like, "James goes to leave the living room"

I had some trouble following the story at times. Maybe it was just me, but I had to go back and read a few paragraphs to clearly understand what was going on.

My Rating

3.5 - I liked your response to the contest prompt! Thanks for sharing your story!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4639968

Review of Imagine

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Fyn-elf

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Clever story! I liked your response to the prompt! I was wondering where it would go, because it seemed an impossible task, and I liked how it ended!

Well-written! I could follow along easily, and I could feel every emotion the main character was going through.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

A young, male caucasian awoke
I think "caucasian" should be capitalized

there haves always been oppressed peoples.
I think "haves" should be "have"

My Rating

4.5 - I enjoyed this! Thanks for sharing your story!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4639964

Review of Min

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Sumojo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Wow, what a powerful story and a great interpretation of a difficult prompt! This is written very well and is likely to have a strong impact on all readers. Well done!

Great descriptions! I felt like I was in the story with the character, particularly when she arrives at the city.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

There is a cacophony sound, of different dialects.
I feel like the word "of" is missing between "cacophony" and "sound"

It has been three years since I travelled back to my village.
I was confused by this line, because I thought she travelled away from her village, not back to it?

My Rating

4.5 - Great story!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4639962

Review of The Prophet

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi LightinMind

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

I love how you incorporated our website (and yourself) into the story! I think a lot of current writers shy away from technology and websites in their writing, but I like to see it!

I definitely feel like you've created a nice, rounded out character in the story. I can "see" who the person is, what their motivations are, etc.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

He built houses, did electrics, laid pipes in fact just about anything that required manual skills.
I felt like a break could be used between "pipes" and "in fact" To me, it ran together and was slightly confusing until I read it a second time

I did also wish there was slightly more description of the settings and the physical characteristics of the characters involved. I loved the bit about the lavender plant, that added a very nice touch! I guess I had a hard time picturing the characters a little bit. I know you were also limited by the word count, but maybe if you rewrite this in the future? I don't think it made the story hard to read or anything, though.

My Rating

3.5 - I enjoyed reading this! Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4518824

Review of A Hermit Convention

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Beholden

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Great story! I really enjoyed reading this, and what an interesting anti-hero!

To be honest, I had a similar thought while reading, "Why would hermits be having a convention?"

Great ending!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

The only thing I would suggest is possibly changing the rating to ASR due to mild derogatory words ("poop" as an insult and "stupid")

Other than that, I have no suggestions! I really enjoyed this!

My Rating

5.0 - Great piece! Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4518823

Review of Cathenna's Complexes

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hi PureSciFi

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Interesting story! I love sci-fi, and I enjoyed the world you've created here! You've done well to create a gripping, thrilling story that keeps the reader guessing. Well done!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

The last one causing Montan to lose his balance.
This is not a complete sentence

I quickly ran up to him, and slide under him,
Change in tense. "ran" is past tense, "slide" is present tense. Tense changes throughout story

Just then they stop mumbling to each other to face me and Montan. It’s one of the female Leaders who spoke first.

"stop" is present tense and "spoke" is past tense

I can't help but think that this piece feels like a scene within a larger work. There were timesi I felt a little lost, which isn't necessarily a bad thing! It left me wanting to read more to find out the whole story! For me, the grammar and tense shifts took me out a little, but it was a good read overall.

My Rating

3.5 - Good work! Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4518822

Review of The Diamond Affair

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Author Ed Anderson

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

I really felt for the main characters, and I also couldn't agree with all of their actions. Excellent job on creating a good anti-hero!

I wasn't really expecting the ending, but it was somehow very fitting. I liked the complexity of the story, the depth to the characters. Well done!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

I found no grammatical errors. Great job!

My only suggestion would be to perhaps add more to the setting? I wasn't sure what kind of place the story was set in. Not a huge thing, and I know you were limited with a word count, so it's hard to add a ton of background info.

My Rating

4.0 - Good piece! Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4518099

Review of Deadline

Review by spidey

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Angelica Weatherby-Star on top

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

I liked the character names! It let me know immediately that this wasn't quite the "typical" story. Great job!

Well done on creating an anti-hero the reader will root for! You've done really well wit the prompt!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

The story shifts tense a few times. For instance:
Then she looked up at the clock. Two hours left before she needed to leave for work. The project is far from done.
"Looked" is past tense, and then "is" is present tense. It made me pause while reading, and I think it could be clearer if it's consistent.

My Rating

4.0 - Good piece! Thanks for sharing it!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4430787

Review of The Jersey Escape

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi RobertJ

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Cute story! I was drawn into this story right away and couldn't wait to see where it was going.

Great description of the setting! I grew up out in the country, and I could really see and feel where this was taking place. Nicely written!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

For me, the spacing stood out. There was nothing wrong with the spacing, but it was a bit different than typical spacing for stories on the internet and Writing.Com.

The last paragraph is in italics, and I think there might be a broken tag there to end the italics.

Jersey ran right up to jack,
"jack" should be capitalized.

My Rating

4.0 - Nice story! Thanks for sharing it!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4430785

Review of The Whisper of Wolves

Review by spidey

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi Graham B.

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Awesome descriptions! Immediately, you draw the reader in with your descriptive words. I could really "see" the setting (and smell and feel, etc.). Very well done!

What a great story of loyalty and protection! I wasn't sure how this was going to end, and I wasn't disappointed at all. Nice choice!

I loved the names the main character has for the other characters! Great touch!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

I found no errors/typos.

My Rating

4.5 - Great story! Thanks for sharing this!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4430783

Review of Pete and Jay

Review by spidey

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Cute story! I like that the ending was unexpected.

For me, it felt a bit short. I think I really enjoyed the lighthearted tone of the story, and I couldn't help wanting more!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

On morning, in early spring,

A typo, I think. On should be "One"

I think I would have liked a little more of the story, more development of the relationship between the two characters and perhaps more setting or even more of the "Grandma" character.

My Rating

4.0 - Cute story! Thanks for sharing it!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4430781

Review of Pocket Monster

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Than Pence

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Overall Thoughts

Interesting story and I liked the main character's pets, especially that you have his thoughts in the story. It added a neat element that draws the reader in, I think. Well done!

I liked the progression/evolution of the main character in the story.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

Am I embarassaed in front you, Gizz?”

I think this is a typo, it should be "embarrassed"

My Rating

4.0 - Interesting story! For me, it felt kind of nostalgic because I grew up playing Gameboy Advance, too! Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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