\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/spartacus27
Review Requests: OFF
2 Public Reviews Given
14 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Fletch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The following is a review from: Fletch Author IconMail Icon


*Exclaim* Feel free to take this review with a grain of salt. These are my opinions and certainly are open for discussion and interpretation.*Exclaim*


*Note1*Overall Impressions -
         *Balloon3*I love dark and twisted tales and this one did not disappoint. It had good pacing, an interesting premise and a central character that I could empathize with...until the end! :)


*Note1*Strong Points -
         *Balloon3*The main character was well drawn with a believable personality and realistic actions.
         *Balloon3*I love the idea of the story from the beginning. It's so sinister to think of an entire family that gets off on killing people.
         *Balloon3*I liked the way you used formal dialogue for the parents. It made them seem cold and uncaring. Perfect!

*Note1*Areas for Improvement -
         *Balloon3*Most of the dialogue was great, but there were a couple of spots where it sounded a little too formal. Maybe that's what you were going for, I'm not sure.
         *Balloon3*I was a little confused by the shift in the narrative at the end...where Shyreece starts talking to the reader. Maybe that part needs just a little more clarification.


*Note1*Grammar and Spelling -
         *Balloon3*You might want to consider using a comma, in your dialogue, then the rest of the sentence. For example, "I am afraid of you," I said. - Instead of "I am afraid of you." I said.
         *Balloon3*I don't think anything else really jumped out at me.



         *Note1*Specific Areas -

*Note1*Plot -
         *Balloon3*I thought the plot was well executed for a being a short story. I think that sometimes plot can get lost in shorter works.
         *Balloon3*I like the arc. The girl is confronted with her families truth, she defends a friend and fights the inevitable, then she submits and falls in line with the family tradition.


*Note1*Characters -
         *Balloon3*The main character was easy to relate to and understand. That always makes a story more powerful I think.
         *Balloon3*I love the lines like, "...I felt a scream tickling my throat." They add so much dimension and interest to the characters and the story overall.
         *Balloon3*I think a little more description of the other characters might have helped. They seemed a little bland to me. Their dialogue was great though.

*Note1*Final Thoughts -
         *Star*This was a cool story and I really like how you handled this idea. With some minor edits this could be really sharp. You've got a way with the creepy tales! Good job.

*Exclaim*It's been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work. Thanks*Exclaim*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/spartacus27