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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sophiebybophie
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Review by zoe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"Toast in one hand..." It doesn't mention the toast again, so I assume he ate it at some point outside. I thought it was kinda funny how John brought the toast with him.
I like how you were able to incorporate the build with throughout the story, it was peppered around and you didn't treat the audience like they were stupid. You kept them wondering, just as John was wondering.
The ending was perfect to the build up! Nice was to use tension by finally telling John the date. And adding how he was such a superstitious person really balanced well with how he acted in the beginning scene.
Nice story!
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