I liked the mystery of wondering who the monster is and then the realization of what it was. Very humorous! Overall, the story flowed welled and your descriptions from beginning to end were very well written. Superb job!
Well done! I like the way you showed the emotions at the beginning. The excited daughter, the shocked mother, it was very real and believable in the way where as the reader, I could feel those feelings. The humor at the end is the perfect touch to a great story! Super job!
Great job! The story is nicely written and flows very well. I did enjoy the ending with what seemed like a twist. I felt that it meant that she finagled things to get what she wanted. If this what the idea you wanted to get across, then I really liked it!!!
I can see that you have a great vision here for your story. I did feel that it could have flowed a little bit better in the first part of the story. It almost seemed like it was jumping around a lot (please remember...that's my personal opinion, I like to have things more order and it was just hard for me to follow) .
The second part is very well written. It has good suspense, was very captivating. It also flowed really well.
Another aspect that I really enjoyed was the way that you describe things (ie.the evening fire had broken down into glowing embers and dancing wisps of flame). Everytime you had such a description I could feel, smell and just really feel apart of the experience. Very well done!
Keep on writing and let the creativity flow!
God Bless!
Rebel G.
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