Hi!! First off, I want to say that your story was absoultely fantastic!! You have a few errors in here, and I'd be glad to point them out to you, so you can go ahead and fix them!! 
1st paragraph, 1st sentence, you have the word "worse", but "worest" would do better in there.
3rd sentence in 1st paragraph doesn't make sense, I think you should use the word "Becoming" instead of "became".
In the 3rd paragraph, the end of the 3rd sentence doesn't make sense..you put: "to get help pull him up", but it would sound better if you put, "to get help to pull him up".
7th paragraph, 1st sentence: You have the Jesse saying, "Come one, you're such a chicken" when I think you meant to say, "Come on, you're such a chicken".
9th paragraph, 5th sentence: You have, "the small town from where Jesse was from", you used the word "from" twice, so, it would sound better if you put, "the small town where Jesse was from" instead.
10th paragraph, 2nd to last sentence: You have him saying, "You're paranoid Jesse", when there would usually be a comma after 'paranoid', so it should read, "You're paranoid, Jesse".
13th paragraph, 4th and 5th sentence: Davy is saying, "This isn't that bad." There needs to be a comma after bad, and then "He" in the next sentence should be uncapitalized. Also, in that same sentence, you put "tought" instead of "tough".
15th paragraph, 2nd to last sentence, and last sentence: You have him saying, " "No." As the..." It should be like this: " "No," as the..."
16th paragraph, 1st sentence: You have him saying, "Jesus." Okay, you need to put a comma, not a paragraph, so it'll be like this: "Jesus," Jesse hissed...
18th paragraph, 1st sentence: You have, "horro stricken". I'm not sure, but I think you meant to put, "horror stricken".
18th paragraph, 4th and 5th sentence: You have, "Run." He said... you should have "Run," he said... with a comma instead of a period.
19th paragraph, 2nd sentence, You have to put a comma before "but".
25th paragraph, last sentence: You have the word, "quickling", I think you meant to have put, "quickly".
32nd paragraph, 1st sentence: You have the two words, "over took" when it really should be one word, "overtook".
32nd paragraph, last two sentences: You're using the words "around him" too much. Maybe you could take one out?
33rd paragraph, 3rd and 4th sentence: You have, "Jesus." Jesse whispered. It should be a comma and not a period, "Jesus," Jesse whispered.
33rd paragraph, 7th sentence: Doesn't make any sense. I know what you mean, but it just doesn't sound right there. Maybe you could just put "The images of Davy there" in with the 6th sentence somehow?
But overall, great story!!!! If you fix all of your corrections, I'd be happy to give you a 5.0! Just let me know when you're finished!! I was glad to read it! It's a very thrilling story!
~Soapysuds
*Keep Writing*
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