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1
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Review of TIME  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Snow3* First Impression *Snow3*

This poem reflects on the concept of time as a powerful force that shapes our lives. It portrays time as both a nurturing force and a challenging one, presenting it as a teacher that guides us through different experiences and stages in life.

*Snow3* Style *Snow3*

The poem follows a free verse structure, without strict adherence to rhyme or meter. It explores abstract concepts like time, using imagery and metaphor to convey its significance in our lives.

*Snow3* Concept Analysis *Snow3*

The poetess depicts time as a mentor who gives valuable lessons through ups and downs of life. Time heals wounds. Time relentlessly march forward, ignoring human desires or circumstances.

*Snow3* Technical Aspects *Snow3*
The poem does not stick to a meter or rhyme scheme.
The poem employs vivid imagery to convey abstract concept of time.
Metaphors such as "agent," "mother," and "king" enrich the reader's understanding of time's role.

*Snow3* Mistakes and Errors *Snow3*

Line 3: "Difficuilt" - This is a misspelling of "difficult.
Lines 5, 20, 22: "Yes, it is the time" - It is more grammatically correct to say "Yes, it is time"
Line 6: "peoples reality" - "Peoples" should be "people's" to indicate possession.
Line 14: "Which i do not know" - "I" should be capitalized, "i" should be "I."
Lines 17, 21: "IT does not wait" - "IT" should be "It".

*Snow3* Overall *Snow3*

Overall, the poem gives a lasting impression of the impact of time on the human condition. It invites readers to ponder over their own relationship with time and its implications for their lives.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Write on ! *Thumbsup*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* First Impression :

The story creates a sense of wonder and mystery in the reader's mind, as it tells the tale of a curious young boy and a mysterious winter coat. The story is full of adventure and humor. The unexpected twist of the coat coming to life adds a magical quality to the narrative.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Plot !

The storyline is well-sequenced and conforms to the Conventional Freytag's Pyramid. The exposition sets the stage by introducing the characters and their environment, and revealing the secret of the winter coat.

The rising action builds tension as Timmy tries to communicate with the coat and know more about its secret, which results in the coat's decision to unmask itself to Timmy in a surprising and funny way.

The climax is the moment when the coat comes to life and takes Timmy on a wild ride down the hill.

The falling action shows the ride and Timmy's acceptance of the coat's secret.

The resolution shows how the coat and Timmy become best friends and have more adventures together.


In short, the story's plot structure follows the basic elements of Freytag's pyramid.


*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Characterization !

All the characters of the story are well-described and engaging the readers' attention.

First, there is Timmy, the protagonist, who is portrayed as a curious and adventurous young boy with a wild imagination.

Next, there is Susie, Timmy's younger sister. Susie have a strong attachment to her winter coat, which serves as the catalyst for the story's events.

Finally, there is the winter coat itself, which is the most intriguing character in the story. Its messages and unpredictable behavior create mystery and magic to the story, which makes it a fascinating character. The winter coat is a unique and memorable character that highlights an element of fantasy and wonder to the story.


*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock*Technical Aspects!

The plot revolves around a magical winter coat that has a mind of its own. The story is more focused on the fantastical and imaginative elements rather than technical details.



*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Suggestions:


*Idea* The story is lighthearted and playful. However, you can add more conflict to make it more engaging. For instance, you could introduce an antagonist who wants to take the magical winter coat away from Timmy or create more obstacles for Timmy to overcome in his quest to uncover the coat's secrets.

*Idea* The pace of the story is consistent, but by adding more suspense and tension, you can make it more exciting. You could add more twists and turns in the plot to fascinate the readers.

*Idea* The Susie's character serves as a catalyst to the story's events. The story does not highlight the interaction between Susie and her favorite coat. Throughout the entire story, she remains unaware of the secret of her coat.

*Idea* The story's focus is on the relationship between Timmy and the magical winter coat rather than on the details of the coat itself.

*Idea* You can add more details about the coat such as the winter coat could change its color and pattern depending on the weather. The coat could communicate with Timmy in a variety of ways, such as through whispers in the wind etc. This would allow the coat to give Timmy clues or advice, without revealing too much about its true nature.


*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Overall :

The flow of the story is very well. I really like your beautiful description that reveals you've good command on writing the short story. Great effort !

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Write on ! *Thumbsup*
























*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of Stupid Hurts  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* First Impression :

It is an interesting action-adventure narrative. The author uses vivid descriptions and dialogue to create a sense of excitement and tension in the story, particularly during the ski run down Mary Jane.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Plot !

The storyline is well-sequenced and conforms to the Conventional Freytag's Pyramid. The exposition has been given proper attention; most of the characters are well-described. The Rising Action has great proportion. The story reaches its climax near the ending of the story. The ending of the story is definite and clear.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Characterization !

All the characters of the story are well-described and engaging the readers' attention.

The action and dialogue portray the characterization. Dani is portrayed as a determined and adventurous person who is passionate about skiing, while Jody is more cautious and hesitant to try new things.

Molly is presented as a competent and disciplined Air Force officer, and Carrie is portrayed as a fun-loving and carefree person who likes to take risks.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock*Technical Aspects!


*Noteo* The story include skiing terminologies such as bunny hill, Green runs, Black Diamond runs, and Mary Jane.

*Noteo* It also describes the different skiing conditions, such as icy and slurpy snow, and how they affect the skier's experience.

*Noteo* The story also mentions equipment used for skiing, such as ski poles and skis, as well as safety equipment such as helmets.

*Noteo* It's a short passage, and there is not much time to develop the characters fully or to delve into deeper themes.


*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Suggestions:


*Idea* You can add more details about the setting, the characters, and their emotions. This will help the reader connect more with the story.

*Idea* Your characters feel a bit one-dimensional at the moment. Consider adding some backstory or personality traits that make them more complex and interesting. This will make the story more engaging for the reader.

*Idea* The story is a bit rushed, so consider slowing down the pace in some areas to build tension and suspense. You can also speed up the pace in other areas to create a sense of urgency.


*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Overall :

The flow of the story is very well. I really like your beautiful description that reveals you've good command on writing the novel. Great effort !

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Write on ! *Thumbsup*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Summer Haiku  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an amazing and adorable haiku poem about nature. In an amazing manner, the poet/poetess metaphorically describes the sky as a "cool blue ocean" and the clouds as "sandy islands".

It employs vivid imagery to create a picture of the sky as a "cool blue ocean" with "sandy islands," which is both soothing and mesmerizing.

The haiku enhances the simplicity and directness of the theme. It also focuses on imagery and sensory details. The five-seven-five syllable pattern of the haiku gives the poem a sense of balance and harmony.

Overall, the poem captures the beauty of nature in a simple yet profound way. It appreciates the world around us and find peace and tranquility in its natural beauty.

Write on!
5
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Review of Why  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This poem reflects the human experience of searching for meaning in the face of hardship, pain, and suffering. The first stanza portrays the search for answers. The desire for answers is compared to the destructive power of cancer.

The second stanza throws light on how people deal with the difficulty of not having answers. Drinking and contemplating existence are ways to escape from the pain of not understanding why things happen.

The third stanza highlights the futility of searching for answers in some ways, as the poet is afraid that we may be wasting our time looking for clues in our DNA or elsewhere. However, the search for meaning compels to have a desire to have just one more day so that we can find an answer.

The final stanza gives hope and suggests that maybe one day we will find out the reason for our suffering, although it may not be until after we die. The idea that everything will be fine is presented as a possible outcome of our search for meaning, but there is still the possibility that the search itself may ultimately be futile.

Overall, the poem is a reflection on the human experience of searching for meaning in the face of uncertainty, pain, and suffering. It highlights the questions we ask ourselves and the ways that we try to cope with not having answers.
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Review of Suncall  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a well-crafted piece of world-building that provides a clear picture of the setting for the story. The cultural setup is depicted by adding different races, such as humans, half-elves, halflings, orcs, and goblins. The details about the government and the society of Dimere also add depth and complexity to the world.

While the passage suggests the potential sources of conflict, such as the presence of bandits, orc tribes, and goblin clans, there is no specific conflict. Without a clear conflict, it may be difficult to engage readers.

There are no specific characters mentioned in the passage, which may make it challenging for readers to connect with the world on a personal level. Characters are a significant element in storytelling, and without them, the world looks empty or uninteresting.

As a beginning chapter, it provides a general overview of the setting, there is little detail provided about the specific locations or cultures within it. Without more specific details, it may be challenging to bring the world to life in the minds of readers.

Overall, the setting of Suncall and the Federation of Dimere seems to have great potential for storytelling and world-building. It suggests an amazing and interesting world that could capture the imaginations of readers.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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7
Review of Foiling An Ambush  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

The story gives the vivid descriptions of action and setting, which can help the reader enjoy the scene and feel a sense of urgency and danger. The dialogue and characterizations exhibit the motivations and personalities of the characters.

The story begins with a trio consisting of Skrie, Malusk, and Theren as they return to Geordo's campsite, where they find the fresh footprints of a group going towards the campsite. After discussing a plan, Skrie scouts ahead and notices three men watching Geordo's camp from the brush. Two of them carry weapons. Skrie quickly plans to keep Geordo and his niece safe. The trio executes the plan that results in a battle that ends with the men fleeing into the forest. The story ends with Jabe warning Geordo that "this ain't over."


Overall, the story may appeal to fans of the action and adventures genre. However, it may not offer much depth for readers. The story moves quickly from one action scene to the next, which can make it feel rushed. By slowing down the pace in certain scenes can balance the action. By introducing more obstacles and challenges can make the story more exciting and engaging for readers.

Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an adorable haiku that conveys a vivid and effective expression of the power of nature to affect our bodies and our lives. The simplicity of the language and the structure of the haiku are also noteworthy.The brevity of the form depicts a concise and effective expression of the poet's experience.

The haiku chalks out a simple but powerful image of the sun's heat and light on the poet's body. The imagery of the sun sailing over the speaker's head is vivid and suggests the vastness and power of nature. There is a contrast between the sun's heat and the poet's body, which turns red as if it were baked like bread. It creates a sense of discomfort and vulnerability, and underscores the power of the natural world to affect our bodies and our lives.

Write On.
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Review of The Ranch WC 298  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

The writer describes his decision to visit the Art Institute of Chicago for the first time since moving to the suburbs, despite his wife's disinterest. He recalls visiting the museum with his father as a child and feeling excited as he approaches the building. He describes the experience of seeing familiar artworks and a painting entitled "The Ranch" that he had dreamed about as a child.

As he prepares to leave, he takes one last look at "The Ranch" and experiences a vivid hallucination of seeing his father on a horse outside the ranch house, before realizing it was only a figment of his imagination and feeling sad as he leaves.


The story is a reflection on the power of art and memory to transport us to a different time and place. It evokes emotions and experiences that we may have thought were long forgotten. The writer's decision to visit the Art Institute of Chicago is motivated by a desire to relive the experiences he shared with his father as a child, and his excitement at seeing familiar artworks and a painting had a special significance for him.

The hallucination the writer experiences at the end of the story is a powerful and unexpected twist that underscores the emotional intensity of his journey.

One correction:

I couldn’t believe my eyes! My father was sitting on Paint in front of the house. I He was sitting in the windowcomma needed here reading.


Overall, the story has very good theme.
10
10
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a beautiful free verse poem. It does not follow a specific structure or rhyme scheme, but instead relies on the poet's own individual style and creativity. This poem expresses feelings of sadness and a sense of emptiness that seems to have no apparent cause or reason. The imagery used to describe the emotions is vivid and tactile, with a juxtaposition of softness and acidity to convey the complex nature of the speaker's feelings.

The poet acknowledges that they have reasons to be sad, such as the demands of school and the feeling that their friends are drifting away. However, the poem also suggests that there is a deeper sadness that lies beneath the surface, a feeling that seems to have no apparent cause or reason.

The poet describes this sadness as an "acid" that feels like "soft cotton" - a plush, comforting blanket of negative emotion that lingers and sends up drops of empty feelings.

Overall, the poem conveys a sense of vulnerability, confusion, and introspection.
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In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
It’s an adorable narrative of the baseball match, sketching the exciting scenario of the winning show of the player, the batter, who hit the ball and races to score by reaching the home. He slides into home and his teammates helped him stand up. His energetic and atheistic play excited the spectators and his own team.

Overall, I appreciate the efforts you put in writing the non-fiction short story.

Excellent effort !

Write on ! *Thumbsup*

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In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

It is an amazing and fascinating well-twisted story depicting beautifully the landscape, relationship, cruelty, trust and death. The storyline revolves around the greed of Sam’s father and then of Ben. I realy appreciate the efforts you put in writing this adorable story with fascinating theme. It’s a kind of novella and I think, you can write its sequel.


*Note* Only one question: What Sam’s father said to Momma that she refused to accept it about Sam?


*Note* At some places, I see, you unnecessarily break the sentences before the word “then”, like:


*Note*He shaved, brushed his long hair and pulled it back into a ponytail. Then went to join his new boss.

He shaved, brushed his long hair and pulled it back into a ponytail then went to join his new boss.


*Note* Ben gave her his best smile. Then went outside to do her biding.
Ben gave her his best smile then went outside to do her biding.


*Note* She brushed her long gold hair until in fell into shining waves across her shoulders. Then went outside.
She brushed her long gold hair until in fell into shining waves across her shoulders then went outside.

*Note* Ben topped her glass with the Bollinger. Then went inside the cool-room
Ben topped her glass with the Bollinger then went inside the cool-room


*Note* I’m afraid I've been a naughty, naughty girl," she whispered, leaning down and very gently brushing the hair back from his face.


Overall, I appreciate the efforts you put in writing this genre.

Good effort !

Write on ! *Thumbsup*

** Image ID #1594074 Unavailable **






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In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is an analytic and detective non-fiction narration. Dr. William expressed his expert opinion and analysis based on the poem that was found on the crime scene. As a matter of fact, this poem gave some clues about the criminal, though the criminal is still unexposed. The criminal has a literary taste, a poet.

In two of those Dallas murder cases, two other poems were found. I think, Dr William should have included those poems as well to draw a clearer picture of the criminal. I guess, the fingerprints on the poems and diary would have been noticed by the concerned department of the detectives.

Overall, I appreciate the efforts you put in writing the non-fiction short story.

Excellent effort !

Write on ! *Thumbsup*

** Image ID #1594074 Unavailable **

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Review of A Dream  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)


Overall Impression!

This is an interesting and enthralling poetic piece, a limerick, which pictured a dream in a funny way. The poet describes the dream in which he/she is a teacher. He/she teaches very well just like a preacher but cannot maintain discipline in the classroom. No students show obedience to him/her. The teacher is too mild to forbid them or force them to obey. In the last line, the teacher gives his/her opinion about the students that they are mischievous and naughty, acted like the traitor and treacher.

Poetic Style!

Well-crafted poetic piece with well-chosen rhymes. The word choice induces a rhythmic flow. The limerick follows successfully the syllabic pattern of 8 and 5 in the respective lines.

Flow!

The word choice enhances the flow of the verse.

Techinical Aspects!

None!

Suggestions!

The last line could be made more funny.



I really appreciate your efforts on this adorable poem.

Write on! *Thumbsup*

** Image ID #1594073 Unavailable **




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Review of When Hearts Bond  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Overall Impression !

An enthralling and captivating love story staged on the land of natural beauty, the Africa! The vivid and beautiful depiction allures the readers and involves them fully as if they were also a part of the story. The minute details and non-fiction writing reveal the keen and deep observations of the writer to life.

Plot !

The beginning of the story is very fascinating that keeps the readers engaged until the last line. The exposition is given proper attention but not so much that can distract the readers from main story. It paces well. The ending of the story is clear and definite and doesn’t leave the readers in confusion. The climax of the story reaches near the ending. The conflict begins from the very beginning of the story.

Characterization !

The characters are real and engaging the readers’ attention throughout the plot.

Technical Aspects !

None!

Suggestions !

None!



Overall, I appreciate the efforts you put in writing the non-fiction short story.

Great effort !

Write on ! *Thumbsup*

** Image ID #1594073 Unavailable **


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Review of Fridays Haiku  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Overall Impression!

This is an eye-catching and intriguing haiku characterizing the theme of opportunity. Its metaphorical description adorns the theme of haiku. The opportunity comes and dances around man to give chance to grasp it and take advantages or lose it.

Poetic Style!

Familiar or traditional form of haiku.

Flow!

The flow of poem is very well. The word choice enhances the flow.

Techinical Aspects!

None!

Suggestions!

None.



I really appreciate your efforts on this adorable poem.

Write on! *Thumbsup*

** Image ID #1594073 Unavailable **




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Review of Avenue  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overall Impression!

This is an appealing and captivating poetic piece depicting vividly how the poet personifies the trees that are lined on both sides of the Broadway. It portrays an avenue adorably using metaphors. The trees in line on both sides of the avenue resemble the royal courtiers, vigilant soldiers and giants.

Poetic Style!

Though it is a free verse, the depiction and theme beautify the entire poem.

Concept Analysis!

The poet has sketched a metaphoric picture of an avenue.

Flow!

The flow of poem is very well.

Specific Highlights!

I really like this piece, especially the following lines:


Green trees in the lines
on both sides of the way
standing like the soldiers
with green capes on their heads
well-disciplined, vigilant, alert.


Green trees in the lines
go up to the horizon,
like the giants looking
at me near their feet
as if man looks at ant.



Suggestions!

*Note* I suggest you to take a second look on the poem; you can make it more beautiful.



I really appreciate your efforts on this adorable poem.

Write on! *Thumbsup*

** Image ID #1594067 Unavailable **




18
18
Rated: E | (4.5)

Overall Impression!

This is an appealing and captivating poetic piece depicting vividly spiritual and mystical thoughts and persuasions.

Poetic Style!

Though I can’t identify the type of poetry used in the poem, I really appreciate the word choice and the rhymes that induce a rhythmical flow in each line of the poem. A well-crafted poetic piece!

Concept Analysis!

The poet has beautifully sketches the thoughts of man who is in search of Self and the path that can lead him to God.

Flow!

The flow of poem is very well.

Specific Highlights!

I really like this piece, especially the following lines:


owing to self, I ask slow

O my master! Where to go?



Said the self left in me,

“To wandering paths in woods and meads

lying ahead in world of treads.”



I felt done when a voice within

told me a certain thing.

“Never to worry what path grace

All paths go….. To same place.”




Suggestions!

Only one suggestion that the title is not appropriate to the theme of the poem.
I suggest the followings:
(1) The Self Search
(2) In Search of self.

I really appreciate your Great efforts on this adorable poem.

Write on! *Thumbsup*

19
19
Rated: E | (5.0)

First Impression !

The story appears to be relating a love story. The writer himself is the main character (protagonist), and uses First Person Pronoun narrating the accounts how he fell in love with a beautiful girl on a cold, crisp, Christmas Eve in Fairmount Park outside Philadelphia.

Most of the story reveals the writer’s pleasant as well as bitter moments in the romance. It also vividly depicts the feelings of a lover when he’s afraid of being betrayed by his beloved.

Plot !

The storyline is well-sequenced. The exposition is less, but defines every character very well. The Rising Action has great proportion in the story. The story reaches its climax in the ending. There is clear ending of the story, or you can say that the ending is definite. We discuss each element of the plot one by one:

The beginning of the story is simple and lucid. The writer beautifully sketches the scenario of the cold night on Christmas Eve when he met the girl, named Jo first time.

Conflict !

The conflict originates in when Jo told the writer that she would be going to New York with her girlfriend for some office business. The situation worsened the conflict when Jo didn’t meet him for a long time; no reply of phone calls, messages etc.

Here, the writer’s depiction is quite realistic. He shows his keen observation towards the things and matters. The conflict really colored the beautiful sketch.

Pacing !

The story paces well. The writer does not focus so much at the detailed description of the places, characters etc. Only the necessary areas have been emphasized. That’s well-done.

The Ending or Resolution !

The resolution results that the writer gets his love back. The intricate situations resolved just because of his letter.

The ending of the story is definite and leaves no ambiguity. Such stories have great impact and impressions on the readers’ mind if they have serious conflict and happy ending.

Characterization !

All the characters of the story are well-described and engaging the readers’ attention. The characters are real; the ways they behave seem to be very realistic. The main character ( protagonist ) fell in love with a beautiful girl, Jo. After some months, the circumstances led them to the conflict where he began to realize that his sincere and true love would not be his destiny.

What I got the feelings from the characters of the story is that; despite being sincere with others, the circumstances are out of control. Man struggles hard to smoothen the affairs and relations, and he succeeds in the long run.

Setting and Imagery !

There is not so much setting that can distract from the enjoyment of the story and slow down the pace. Once, a reader starts reading the first line, he continues to read up to the last word. The key elements of the story have been described adequately. There are not so unimportant elements that can mislead the readers.

Writing Style !

The rich technical terms and beautiful word choice embellish the writing style and adorn the flow of the story.

Dialogue !

Dialogues are natural, persuasive and tempting. Mostly the story paces up through the dialogues.

Technical Aspects !

None.

Writing Style !

The writing style is very good. The flow of the writing is smooth. The writer vividly depicts the situation using the beautiful words. Good command on the choice of suitable words according to the situation, especially the dialogues that are quite natural.

Specific Highlights !

I genuinely enjoy your writing works that are informative, entertaining, enthralling and intriguing the readers. I spotlight a few paragraphs from this chapter.
.

*Note* That cold, crisp, Christmas Eve in Fairmount Park outside Philadelphia is a night I will never forget. The small bridge over the raceway, a small creek running parallel to the river, illuminated by the gas streetlights that lined the walkway. The light reflected off the ice covering the creek and sparkled with the fresh fallen snowflakes that settled, then quickly floated across the surface. The night air was magical, as I looked out across the Schuylkill River toward the old stone railroad bridge that spanned across it.

*Note* I heaved a snowball halfheartedly at the gas street light that lined the walkways of the park. But it missed and went sliding across the ice on the small creek that ran parallel to the river. It tumbled and tumbled smaller, just like my hopes, as it rolled away. Finally it found rest as my teary eyes fixed on it. I became lost in thought until I finally closed my eyes and asked God one final time to bring me an answer. I had been so sincere before and felt sure my prayers were heard. But too much time had gone by now and all hope seemed gone. Opening my eyes I looked toward the river, obscured by the glare of the lights, then heavenward as if an answer floated somewhere above my head, just out of view.


Suggestions !

It’s an adorable work. I’ve no suggestion.

Overall, I appreciate the efforts you put in writing the wonder full novel with amazing theme. Great effort !

Write on ! *Thumbsup*





20
20
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* First Impression :

The story appears to be relating a love story. The writer himself is the main character (protagonist), and uses First Person Pronoun narrating the accounts how he fell in love with a beautiful girl on a cold, crisp, Christmas Eve in Fairmount Park outside Philadelphia.

Most of the story reveals the writer’s pleasant as well as bitter moments in the romance. It also vividly depicts the feelings of a lover when he’s afraid of being betrayed by his beloved.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Plot:

The storyline is well-sequenced. The exposition is less, but defines every character very well. The Rising Action has great proportion in the story. The story reaches its climax in the ending. There is clear ending of the story, or you can say that the ending is definite. We discuss each element of the plot one by one:

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Beginning :

         The beginning of the story is simple and lucid. The writer beautifully sketches the scenario of the cold night on Christmas Eve when he met the girl, named Jo first time.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Conflict! :

          The conflict originates in when Jo told the writer that she would be going to New York with her girlfriend for some office business. The situation worsened the conflict when Jo didn’t meet him for a long time; no reply of phone calls, messages etc.

Here, the writer’s depiction is quite realistic. He shows his keen observation towards the things and matters. The conflict really colored the beautiful sketch.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Ending or Resolution! :
         The resolution results that the writer gets his love back. The intricate situations resolved just because of his letter.

The ending of the story is definite and leaves no ambiguity. Such stories have great impact and impressions on the readers’ mind if they have serious conflict and happy ending.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Pacing !


The story paces well. The writer does not focus so much at the detailed description of the places, characters etc. Only the necessary areas have been emphasized. That’s well-done.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Setting and Imagery !

There is not so much setting that can distract from the enjoyment of the story and slow down the pace. Once, a reader starts reading the first line, he continues to read up to the last word. The key elements of the story have been described adequately. There are not so unimportant elements that can mislead the readers.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Characterization !

All the characters of the story are well-described and engaging the readers’ attention. The characters are real; the ways they behave seem to be very realistic. The main character ( protagonist ) fell in love with a beautiful girl, Jo. After some months, the circumstances led them to the conflict where he began to realize that his sincere and true love would not be his destiny.

What I got the feelings from the characters of the story is that; despite being sincere with others, the circumstances are out of control. Man struggles hard to smoothen the affairs and relations, and he succeeds in the long run.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Writing Style !

The writing style is very good. The flow of the writing is smooth. The writer vividly depicts the situation using the beautiful words. Good command on the choice of suitable words according to the situation, especially the dialogues that are quite natural.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Technical Aspects ! !

None

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Specific Highlights !

What I really like in your story is the way you depict everything in a beautiful way, especially the human behaviors.


*Note*That cold, crisp, Christmas Eve in Fairmount Park outside Philadelphia is a night I will never forget. The small bridge over the raceway, a small creek running parallel to the river, illuminated by the gas streetlights that lined the walkway. The light reflected off the ice covering the creek and sparkled with the fresh fallen snowflakes that settled, then quickly floated across the surface. The night air was magical, as I looked out across the Schuylkill River toward the old stone railroad bridge that spanned across it.


*Note*I heaved a snowball halfheartedly at the gas street light that lined the walkways of the park. But it missed and went sliding across the ice on the small creek that ran parallel to the river. It tumbled and tumbled smaller, just like my hopes, as it rolled away. Finally it found rest as my teary eyes fixed on it. I became lost in thought until I finally closed my eyes and asked God one final time to bring me an answer. I had been so sincere before and felt sure my prayers were heard. But too much time had gone by now and all hope seemed gone. Opening my eyes I looked toward the river, obscured by the glare of the lights, then heavenward as if an answer floated somewhere above my head, just out of view.



*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Suggestions !

It’s an adorable work. I’ve just one suggestion.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Overall !


The flow of the story is very well. I really like your beautiful description that reveals you've good command on writing the non-fiction stories. Great effort !

Write on ! *Thumbsup*





21
21
Review of Trust Me  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* First Impression :

It’s a hilarious and satirical non-fiction short story that really ridicules the attitudes of the people. What I like in it is that you depict a very beautiful picture of the social attitude in a very simple and light way.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Plot :

The storyline is well-sequenced. The exposition is less, but defines every character very well. The Rising Action has great proportion in the story. The story reaches its climax in the ending. The beginning of the story is simple and lucid. There is clear ending of the story, or you can say that the ending is definite.


*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Conflict :

Here, the writer’s depiction is quite realistic. He shows his keen observation towards the things and matters. The conflicts really color the beautiful sketch.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Conflict :

The story paces well. The writer does not focus so much at the detailed description of the places, characters etc. Only the necessary areas have been emphasized. That’s well-done.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Writing Style :
The writing style is very good. The flow of the writing is smooth. The writer vividly depicts the situation using the beautiful words. Good command on the choice of suitable words according to the situation, especially the dialogues that are quite natural.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Dialogues :

All the dialogues of the story are well-written and engaging the readers’ attention. Most of the story paces ahead through the dialogues. The dialogues are natural and informal and depict the true emotions and feelings of the characters very well.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Technical Aspects :

Though the writer has very good command on writing, at some places, there are some error in the tenses:


*Note* – “But Stanley, my father would be so angry if he knew. This sentence should be in present tense, rather than in Past tense. That car is the center of his world. He spends all weekend polishing it.”

*Note* – “It scares me Stanley. I’m okay with taking the cash from his draw. I really
want to make you happy, but he would be so mad if he knew we touched his car. This sentence should be in present tense, rather than in Past tense. He’s crazy about that car.”




*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Suggestions:

No suggestions, as it is a well-written piece !

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Overall :

The flow of the story is very well. It’s really the nice story. Great efforts ! *Smile*

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Write on ! *Thumbsup*
22
22
Review of Training Day  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* First Impression :

The story vividly sketches the scenario of the training day. I like the way you depict the whole story, even the minute details seem to be dramatized adorably.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Plot !

The storyline is well-sequenced and conforms to the Conventional Freytag’s Pyramid. The exposition has been given proper attention; The characters are well-described and real. The Rising Action has a great proportion. The story reaches its climax nearly in the mid of the story. The story has a definite end.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Characterization !

All the characters of the story are well-described and engaging the readers’ attention.

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock*Technical Aspects!

There are some small typos:

*Noteo* “You’re gonna be okay to drive home?”

*Noteo* I heard Mac's voice yell from the telivision television.

*Noteo*“ You’re gonna be okay? How’s are your legs?”

*Noteo*

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Suggestions:

No suggestions as it is a well-written piece.


*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Overall :

The flow of the story is very well. I really like your beautiful description that reveals you've good command on writing the novella. Great effort !

*Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock* Write on ! *Thumbsup*



23
23
Review of The Dam Town  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Snow3* First Impression :

It’s a well-written hilarious short story – a letter story - that beautifully and humorously uses the two homonyms “Damn” and “Dam”

*Snow3* Plot !

The storyline is well-sequenced and follows the Conventional Freytag’s Pyramid. It has significant part of exposition and the end is a little obscure as the reader does not know whether the protagonist was released after writing this letter or had to face more troubles.

*Snow3* Characterization !

The characters are real and well-defined. The story beautifully depicts the trouble of the writer in the Dam Town.

*Snow3* Technical Aspects!

No grammatical mistakes found.

*Snow3* Suggestions:

No suggestions as it are a well – written piece.

*Snow3* Overall :

The flow of the story is very well. I really like your beautiful description that reveals you've good command on writing the funny stories. Great effort !

Write on ! *Thumbsup*

24
24
Review of And You Did  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)


*Snow3* Overall :

This is an appealing and captivating poetic piece depicting the beauty of the usage of the conjunction “And”. I really like the way you describe a very minor thing in a very beautiful and fascinating style.

*Snow3* Flow !

The flow of poem is very well.

*Snow3* Specific Highlights:

I like the following lines very much:

And you can, so you did

Start your sentence with And

Which rhymes with sand, can, band

But And is kinda like a munch'n luncheon

Done in the middle of the day

Cause it's a conjunction!

Used like a stitch, sewing together

*Snow3* Suggestions:

*Bullet* Very small typo in the line:
Cause it's a conjucntion conjunction

*Bullet*I’m a little bit confused on the use of “your” in these two lines:

Or if your like Mitch, who pulls a boat
Or if you’re like Mitch, who pulls a boat.

Of your get up and go


Overll, it’s a beautiful poem. I appreciate your work and efforts.

Write on ! *Thumbsup*


25
25
Rated: ASR | (4.0)


*Snow3* Overall :

An interesting and fascinating fantasy and fictitious poem ! Nice rhymes. Each stanza have same rhymes that create pleasant and rhythmic effects in its flow. It’s a kind of narrative poem.

The theme of the poem is very captivating and eye catching – How an Egret got the polar bear punished !

*Snow3* Technical Aspects!

At some places, there is some confusion in reading the verses such as:

*Bullet* A President Penguin that no assassin would save.

This line has no clarity in its theme. Do you want to say:
A President Penguin says, “No assassin would save.”

*Bullet* Into In her cell phone from the place where she stood,

*Bullet* But a faraway hill at which our 911 would!

*Bullet* Seeing unity, pride, and the gore of betrayal! A little confusing !!


*Snow3* Suggestions:

I’ve given suggestions above.

Write on ! *Thumbsup*

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