Wonderfully descriptive. I was able to put myself in the story and watch it in my minds eye as the story and the girl unfolded. Also this was executed very well with only one or two grammatical mistakes, these always happen. Keep up the good work, maybe next time steer away from redundancy though. In ex. "she wiped away the white and black powder that had covered her fair skin. She removed the black paint off her thin lips that are no longer graced with a smile, but a small frown. Her hands became stained with the black and white paint and powder. She wiped her hands over her small stomach and smeared the powder and paint all over her black and red checkerboard suit." Paint and powder where used too often. Just my opinion though.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/slmoore11886
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 7:46am on Nov 28, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (3.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
