There is so much story here. I would love to hear more of it. It really breaks my heart to think about.
I have some questions about this story. First, who is telling this story? The narrator sounds like someone who knows Abigail well and is also a teenager. So, instead of an invisible narrator, this one feels like they have personality and are somehow connected to the story. I hope I'm making sense.
Is there anyway I could 'see' Abigail? Show her jumping off the hood of a car or doing a cartwheel. Or pulling her red hair into a ponytails. Or whatever. She seems so sweet. I'd love to see more of her and her personality.
And Zach. It says he was hard to describe, but I want to meet him. Is there a quality about him that stands out? Did she love his laugh? Or was he silent a lot because he was such a good listener? This seemed like a really strong romance. Did they have a passion they shared? Guitar? Horses? Geeking out to spy/thriller movies?
This is a very short love story. But with an idea like that I hope you turn it into something more.
Wow, what a great story. I'm left wondering if it was a dream or did that little blue-lit zapper thing zap away his memory?
This was well-written and had my attention throughout. You had a little character arc with Charlie seeming snobby and self-absorbed to likeable in the end.
You also had a couple attention grabbing phrases, the millennial muscle memory, and the corpse coat.
Okay, first of all this was really well-written. I loved the pacing. I loved the details like Lucky Charms and jackhammers, it helped bring this to life. I totally bought their relationship in such a short piece. I could go on, but you must know how well you write.
As for the end, real twist. Definitely, a psychological piece. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I think like one of the people on the street. What to make of it, lol.
I really felt your love for this music. It wasn't what I grew up with but most of us have music of some for as the soundtrack of our lives and I loved how much you expressed your appreciation of this music. I didn't recogize much of it, but I did tear up at the line I did recognize... why do birds suddenly appear every time she was near?
I didn't understand the Burt/Bert reference , but no matter I'm a little dense.
Ooh, some nice writing here. Great detail. Superb tension. At some point I began to suspect something akin to palsy. It's frustrating that he had such pride and couldn't just ask for help.
Love your title too, and boy was this a perfect example of that.
I never give five's 'cause everything could use a little improvement. But, I couldn't find any improvement needed here. Nice.
I liked this. It was a light, fun read. I appreciated Kate Johnson, the ghost,who had a strong voice, at times cynical, at times flirty and at times friendly. I liked the interaction between Jake and Stacey and the ghost.
I was surprised by her trying to harm Stacey with the chandelier. It distracted me from the light-hearted feel of this.
This was really touching. I actually teared up a little. Santa was brilliant. I couldn't help wondering if this might make a nice childrens book. Great job!
This piece is very relevant right now. You have developed your point thoroughly and I agree with you.
Unfortunately, not everyone adopts the filthy speech pattern shown here. Instead, they model quiet, calm, and respectful disagreement and uphold collaborative discussions. Worse yet, this kind of behavior leads to a consensus, forging a society where progress and inclusion become rampant.<<< This quote pretty much sums up what we should be aiming for and pretty much both sides are failing at.
That said I write satire that exaggerates what I see as absurd, so I'm not much help in this area and a bit of a hypocrite here.
My only suggestion would be to break it up into paragraphs. I find it easier on the eye.
I love Dr. Seuss too! So glad you reviewed his book. It was fun and interesting to read so many fun facts about him and his life. It was also interesting to see you point out all the absurd questions that come to mind while reading his books.
"Horton Hears A Who!"
1. What are the odds of Horton Finding the correct clover in a field full of 3 million clovers? -- What are the odds of this??!!
If I had one suggestion it would be to make this piece only about Dr. Seuss and develop the Edgar Allen Poe into its own essay.
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