This was really good! The story flowed very well and I didn't have any trouble reading it at all. I've always been interested in legends and myths, so I enjoyed this a lot. I liked the way you started the story as well, with it starting out as them telling stories within a story. The Chezra Legends were pretty neat too. Good job.
I really liked this. It's sounds like your on your way to telling a really great story. It left me wanting to read more. The main characters were interesting, and I liked reading the dynamics between the two of them. I also really liked that one of them was female. The fight scene at the beginning was pretty cool too. However, there are a few things need fixing. Its mostly just grammar errors. I suggest learning comma usage, so that your sentences flow better. Another suggestion would be to describe a little more about Mrs. Narel and the boarding house. It would help give the reader a better sense about the setting since it's one of the first places your introduced to, rather than just very briefly talking about it than moving on.
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