I really enjoyed this poem. Depression can be very hard to write about while avoiding cliched images of sadness, but you did a great job!
I have read the first two verses over and over. The imagery is awesome and knowing that it is about depression makes the aura they create...personal to me. It is great. Cunning passages and contrived corridors are perfect descriptors for a state of mind.
I also like the phrase "arboreal gloom". I love to use trees in my writing and to read poems with trees or references to trees. And to me they are always in a state of gloom.
If I had any suggestion at all it would simply be to have a tiny bit more consistency in syllable count. It is a lesson I learned the hard way that sometimes one to two syllables can change everything.
I really really liked this poem! It was a really good length and the subject matter felt very personal to me. I often find myself aggressive and erosive and so the title and the way it IS the poem...Mortified and Modified....it became my favorite line.
The musicality that the poem had was very enjoyable. I immediately fell into a reading rhythm. It was nice.
I liked reading this very much actually. Sometimes shorter pieces are hard to read and get a good grasp on both what came before and what will come. But I think you did a very good job of that. I really liked that.
I don't really have any suggestions on how to improve....I think you did a great job!
Hi! I am doing this review as part of The Poetic Exploration Group.
First impressions:
I like the title - it could mean so many different things - but no matter what it means it definitely drew me in. It has a slight....dark (no night pun intended ) tone to it.
What I enjoyed/caught my attention:
I love the first line. Night does drift in sweetly.
Suggestions:
The only tiny thing I would have to suggest is that the work like feels very...casual while the rest does not.
Overall Impression:
This is one of my favorite Haiku that I have read so far.
I love things like this. "Official documents" created for a story. This one was very good. Even though I didn't know what much of the flight talk meant I still enjoyed it and was not struck by the thought that I didn't know what was going on at any time. I definitely wanted to keep reading to see what had happened to him or what was going to happen to him.
It would not have mattered one bit what the topic of this was....I would have read it no matter what because of the format! I loved it!!
I really enjoyed reading this. A first I kept thinking.....this is pretty good...then I got to the end when she asks for a story and you fulfill the prompt requirement and I thought ...no this is really good. That last line made the entire story worth it to me!!
In the very beginning though there is a tiny mistake....you have Gery instead of Gerty! Just small and no big deal at all.
I am going to review this based on what is up there.....although it says Chapter 1...perhaps it was to be a summary of a first chapter?
I think it seems like a great first sentence to a book. It pulls the reader in with a question and hints at something deeper or more to come. Maybe because in your description I learned that the boy had lost his parents....but the combination definitely makes me want to rad further and find out why or how or what will happen next!
I didn't even need to know there was a story for this character to enjoy this. Character sketch or in depth reviews are some of my favorite things to write and read.
I had no problems picturing Raven based on your description. I also had no problem believing she would react in the ways you describe because you wrote such a believable character. I enjoy this genre and this definitely made me want to read the story!
I read this poem twice before reviewing it. I NEVER EVER sleep and so this poem could have been written about me. I loved it. It really did a nice job of capturing some of the feelings of insomnia without even being the one afflicted. I wish my husband understood this well. :)
I like this story. I like the theme and the idea of Life playing games with Death or vice versa.
The only issue I had was some of the grammar and spelling mistakes made it hard for me to just read nonstop. Those things can sometimes stop me in my tracks.
I do that..... point of view switch..... sometimes too and it is not always easy to work that in. I do think that it could be melded together a bit more seamlessly.
Still...I really liked this. It has inspired me to work the theme of life playing with death into my writing - even if I do it symbolically. :)
This essay definitely did what it was supposed to do because it made me want to debate with you about Of Mice and Men. :) I think it is very well written although occasionally the sentence structure is kind of....halting..and interrupted the flow for me. Also....in the third paragraph it should say "Although" rather than "All though" but that is just a small thing! Arguing (okay okay....debating) is one of my favorite things to do so this essay making me want to debate the book is the highest praise from me. :)
This setting was very well written. I didn't have too much problem imagining everything you were writing, and I confess, Steampunk is not a genre I know that much about, but I pictured everything in my mind perfectly. I also think the delineation between the have and have nots was very good. Lines like the one about the horse dung getting on the pavers....it was a good way to describe the disparities without being overt. All in all I enjoyed it. There is one tiny little thing I noticed.....in the second to last paragraph...it should say "an airship"....nothing major just a small little thing!
This was good. The scene with her nightmare is very intriguing, I want to know what that is about and also.... I want to know what is going to happen when George finds out. ;) There is a tense change in the last paragraph where it begins in present tense then goes back to past.
I like this poem. It speaks to me and my own abuse. The only thing I noticed is that when you build something it is a "raising" when you destroy something it is a "razing". But that is minor and it certainly doesn't detract from the impact that the poem has. ;)
I liked this poem. This is not my favorite style but I gave it a try anyway and the theme of the poem spoke to me and the way I write.
There were a couple times the rhythm was interrupted because I would notice that a line could go with the line above it or below it. Not a big deal and actually I liked that....but it did halt my flow. :)
For some reason this, as a whole, did not speak to me like I thought it would. It has everything I love. The vocabulary, the sentence structure, the structure of the poem as a whole...all of these things are very enjoyable to me. The second part that ends in "A grace remains forever mine"... that part really speaks to me.
I found the visual language in this poem to be really great. I had no problem envisioning many of these things in a very abstract way which is definitely the way I work.
All in all I enjoyed this poem and reread it quite a few times.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.16 seconds at 12:32am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
And to me they are always in a state of gloom. 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
