\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/skarecrow
Review Requests: OFF
233 Public Reviews Given
273 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 ... Next
1
1
Review of Nobody's Shoe  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+
Hello Save the Turkeys! Author Icon. I just finished reading your piece Nobody's Shoe for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. and thought I'd offer my two cents worth.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.



The Plot- This story had a little bit of everything and covered all the bases. You gave us an introduction followed by the protagonist's meditations on existence and past lives; a brief monologue on the slippers' lot in life and an out-of-nowhere ending that gave the whole thing a real punch.


The Characters- The shoe. What else is there to say, but that it's a thinking shoe. You've done a great job of developing this character into a somewhat tragic figure. The reflections on past forms and introspection on its current one give the shoe a certain noble thoughtfulness. This made its resignation at its own demise all the more sad.
I like how the shoe seems oblivious to the human world (apart from its love of feet). It's like the shoe is completely unaware of why people do the things they do, and is instead more internally focused. This makes sense given that shoes basically have just one purpose. What else do they have to do but sit around all day being introspective? *Smile*


The Imagery- I found the imagery to be a little light in this story. As far as descriptiveness goes. To be fair, the bulk of the tale is spent on expressing thoughts and feelings and so this story is more about conjuring up emotions than conjuring up images.
With that being said, there were some nice bits during the chase sequence that really amped up the final moments and brought the story out of the shoe's mind and into its perception of the world around it.

Errors?- I noticed a few little things:

During the "slippers paragraph", you wrote I suppose I should be bother by that. I think it should be...I suppose I shouldn't be bothered by that.

Also , near the end you wrote The yipping was defiantly getting closer... Did you mean to say definitely?

Other than that, the spelling, grammar and punctuation were all great!


Overall Impression- I like how this story was able to make me see shoes in a different light. The idea that they're a philosophical bunch makes sense now that I think about it. And you also gave the shoes a certain resigned dignity befitting of their purpose. This was a whirlwind of a story considering its length. Nicely done!


Scarecrow
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
2
2
Review of What a night  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sumojo Author Icon. I just finished reading your piece What a Night and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.



The Plot- I found the plot in this story to be a little unusual. There didn't seem to be a chain of events leading up to the climax, which made it all the more shocking when it came. Instead, what you gave us was a "slice of life" sort of tale which outlined the unconnected experiences of one man's day. This gave it a feeling of authenticity as we follow along in his mundane tasks performed among the backdrop of a rain storm.


The Characters- The main focus is on Jim. As the story is told from his perspective, we don't get a good sense of his physical traits, but through his thoughts and actions, we get a good idea of his personality. He experiences a lot of things on this rainy day, from the aggravating (walking his dog) to the frightening (being a victim of a home invasion) but always seems to maintain a level-head. He's further fleshed out with a sense of duty (picking up his daughter in the storm) and as a calculated risk-taker (crossing the bridge). All in all, a rich character development in a short space. Nicely done.


The Imagery- I'm impressed by the simple yet effective imagery in this story. Without getting overly wordy, you're able to describe a scene in a way that the reader can truly envision. This keeps the story clipping along at a good pace without leaving the reader in the dark. It's the best of both worlds!
Here's some of what I liked:

The weather worsened as the evening approached, the windows rattled, rain beat a rhythm on the glass.

He drove slowly, crossing the boiling, raging torrent, relieved to get to the other side...

The rain bounced off the roof and gurgled down the drain pipes, but beneath all that noise he heard a clatter in the kitchen.


Errors?- The spelling and punctuation were great, but there were a few wording issues that sounded a bit off to me.
This first one could just be me, but my eyes kept getting drawn to this line because it just didn't sound quite right.

He could barely see out of the windscreen despite the wipers whipping back and forth, but still not fast enough to clear the relentless rain. ... It almost feels like this line is missing a few words making the last part of the sentence seem out of place. Again this is just my opinion, but I think it would sound a little smoother if it was something like ... whipping back and forth at a frantic pace, but still not fast enough...

Also, there was a line near the end of the story--It was during the night when he heard the sound of breaking glass above a crash of thunder and the bedroom was lit by a flash of lightening. I think the flow of the line would be a bit better if you changed the "and" to "as". So it would read ...he heard the sound of breaking glass above a crash of thunder as the bedroom was lit...

And that is all.


Overall Impression- I liked this story in that it wasn't told in a conventional way. One thing didn't lead to another, it was just a straight forward story about a man's day. It called to mind some of the writings of Shirley Jackson with its storytelling approach and abrupt ending. It's like you had a tale to tell and you told it how you wanted, and I admire that. Good job!


Scarecrow
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
3
3
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ezekiel Stephens Author Icon. I just finished reading your piece Audio-Visual Communication and thought I'd offer my two cents worth.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


The Plot- This was a really well-written and thought provoking tale about the direction in which the western world seems to be going. Our infatuation with technology and how it's begun to destroy our reality is explored with an almost unsettling undertone. I like how at the end the protagonist is transfixed by a natural appearance and in some ways finds it more attractive than the perfectly polished masses. It gives a nice message of staying true to oneself and avoiding becoming a "slave to the machine".

The Characters-The protagonist Calibri isn't particularly well fleshed out--by which I mean we don't get a very good idea of how he looks-- but due to the brevity of the story and the fact that it's told from his perspective it's not a tale-breaker.
Calibri as a character is explored more in his thoughts and impressions of the wired world and his appreciation of the "untouched" face on his screen goes a long way towards describing the type of person he is.


The Imagery- Great imagery throughout the story! You've managed to describe a utopia of physical perfection that seems cheap and artificial at the same time. There's something discomforting in the beauty described, most likely because it makes everyone seem as though they're wearing a mask. Which in a way, they are.


Errors?- I couldn't find any glaring errors with the spelling, grammar or punctuation here. Nicely done!


Overall Impression- I really liked this story for its portrayal of a future where no one is what they seem. The scary part is, it doesn't seem that far-fetched. Already we're seeing this tale becoming reality what with the advent of video-chatting and photo filters. It's getting so people are beginning to look like they're made of plastic; removing the flaws that make us all human. It should be interesting to look back on this story in a decade or so and see how much of it comes to pass. Awesome job *Smile*


Scarecrow
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
4
4
Review of What I Fear  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Greetings Sir Zesto Author Icon! I've chosen to review your poem on behalf of the PDG reviewing group.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- I love the chronology of this piece. Each verse takes the reader through a different stage of life by outlining the fears as they develop over time. What makes this so effective is that most everything you've listed is a fear that everyone has experienced and to which they can relate.


How's The Flow?- This is a free-verse style of poem, and as such, no structured rhythm was expected. With that being said, I found the repetition of ...what I fear at the end of each verse gave a certain structure to the piece. When you deviated from this in the last two verses, I found it slightly tripped up the overall feel of the poem.


The Rhymes- (where applicable) Again, whereas this is a free-verse poem, no rhymes were really expected.


Imagery- The imagery doesn't particularly smack you in the face, it sort of gets into your head and smolders. Through just a few words, you call up basic images for the readers to build upon from their own memories. Almost like you're saying " Remember this?"
Very effective imagery in very few words. Word economy at its best!


Errors/ Suggestions- As far as spelling, grammar and punctuation, I could find no flaws.
However, as I mentioned above, the overall flow of the poem suffers a bit from the alteration in the final lines of the final two verses. I feel like this poem would be rock solid if you were to somehow work '...what I fear' or even '...I fear' into those lines.
I can't really suggest something for the second last verse that would maintain what you wanted to say, but if the final line were something like Now, nothing do I fear or No more will I fear it would be keep in line with the rest of the poem.


Overall- I liked this poem because it was so accessible. Your straight-forward presentation and excellent word choices make it so anyone could read this and relate to it (except for the death part, I suppose). Great job!




** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
5
5
Review of The Ocean  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Spencer James Author Icon! I've chosen to review your poem on behalf of the PDG reviewing group. Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- I came across this poem on the Review Request page where you wondered if it was only meaningful to you or if there was a more universal appeal. Well, I can say that it only took me the first few lines before I found myself relating to what you had to say. I live not too far from the shore and have found myself enjoying these same types of feelings while staring out at the vastness of the Atlantic. Maybe your poem wouldn't affect a main-lander as much, but I think anyone who has spent time with the ocean will find meaning within it.


How's The Flow?- This poem has a certain loose structure to it that seems to defy classification. The brief opening line of the main verses keep the poem from falling into too rigid of a structure while the rest of the verse keeps a fairly tight flow giving the overall piece a certain lyrical quality. Especially with the short and concise refrain after the verses.


The Rhymes- (where applicable) To be honest, I wasn't sure this was a rhyming poem until I got to the second verse. Some of the rhymes in the first were a little off from being "true rhymes". For example: beach/keys, whole/home. This wouldn't be a really big deal, but in comparison to the precision of the rhymes in your second verse it seems a little inconsistent.


Imagery- The imagery in this poem is a little light, but at the same time you give enough detail to set the scene which allows the reader to imagine the rest. Certain key words set a darker tone, especially in the second verse ( regrets, pain) which give the poem a definite personal touch but one to which many can relate.


Errors/ Suggestions- I could find nothing out of place. *Bigsmile*


Overall- This was a somber and somewhat depressing poem, but there was something about the idea of the eternal ebb and flow of the ocean current carrying one's ashes across time that has an infinite yet peaceful vibe to it. There's an odd sense of hopefulness amidst the bleakness of it all... from an objective universal point of view. A "food for thought" poem. Nice stuff!




** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
6
6
Review of Fantasy  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings LazyWriter Author Icon! I've chosen to review your as a way of welcoming you into the fold of the PDG reviewing group. Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- This struck me as a rather unconventional poem, given it's loose structure and random rhymes, but that's what seemed to draw me in all the more. There's something almost theatrically lyrical (and I mean that as a compliment) about your word choice and pacing...it makes me think of a soliloquy.


How's The Flow?- The flow doesn't particularly fit into any style of which I'm aware. To be fair, I'm not aware of all the forms, but I would consider this a free-verse style of poem. But the linear and concise delivery of the individual lines give the impression of listening to someone's words instead of reading them. Nice stuff!


The Rhymes- (where applicable) Free-verse doesn't follow any rules! And your poem follows this rule *Wink* I like the intermittent rhymes that do pop up from time to time. It's almost like you use them as punctuation or for emphasis which lends the overall piece a truly personal feel.


Imagery- What works with the imagery in this poem is that the first verse contains such vibrant description like In my mind's eye I see exotic foods and exquisite delights,/ Races of people with skin like sapphires and fiery eyes, and then the second verse lacks almost any imagery at all. This keeps with the theme of the second verse and counters the first verse's flights of fancy quite well. Topping it off, you get back to the vividness in the third with lines like I'll whip out a page and spin a story. /Saturated in fantasy with a spirited storyline. The back and forth is wonderfully effective at bringing the reader along for the highs and lows of reality vs. fantasy. Well done!


Errors/ Suggestions- I couldn't really find anything amiss with the spelling, grammar or punctuation. I have nothing to suggest.


Overall- At first glance, I found this to be a well-written and nice little poem. As I read through it further over the course of the review, I found a certain depth and flow to the overall piece that shows your skill not at writing a poem, but more in constructing it. Or do I mean composing? In any event, this is one heck of a poem. Great job!




** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
7
7
Review of Fog  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello William Stafford Author Icon. Since you're a new addition to the PDG, I thought I'd offer my two cents worth on your short story, Fog. Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.



The Plot- There are few things that set a spooky stage as well as the fog. I found the plot to be a little predictable, but given the title and byline of the story, one wouldn't expect a bright and cheery tale. I think what makes this tale unique is the way in which it was told.


The Characters- The main characters are the unnamed protagonist and Bobby the date. Not a whole lot of descriptive imagery is present here which makes it difficult for the reader to envision their appearance. But certain personality traits-- like Bobby's " I'll get us out of this" machismo or the protagonist's more level-headed and patient approach-- give us a glimpse into their characters. I also found your use of internal dialogue and perceptions really served to flesh out the main protagonist.


The Imagery- Although character description was a little light, I found the rest of your imagery to be quite successful in describing the creepiness of the environment.

Here's a few examples of the stuff I liked which really expressed the discomfort and uneasiness:

... I hear a sound. A rustling. A breath on the leaves. A crunch. Then nothing.

I’m cold. Wet and cold. Scared, wet and cold. It’s too quiet. Then I hear it.

My feet barely leave the ground as I feel my way along the path. Shapes start to form and I realize I’m near the buildings.


Errors?- Just a few little odds and ends.

- After the protagonist makes it to the truck and sees no sign of Bobby, they think He must have been here, but why would he leave.-- I feel this sentence should end with a question mark.

- Almost at the end, there's a line that goes...I pull away and run to the truck as the office rips my sleeve trying to stop me. -- A few things here. If the protagonist was already at the truck, how could they run to the truck? It would seem to make more sense as I pull away for a better look... or I pull towards the back of the truck....
Also, you misspelled officer.


Overall Impression- I found this to be a short and sweet (maybe not so sweet) little tale about a young couple getting worse than lost in the fog. I understand that this was written for a contest, and as such the light character development is understandable. This story is a great demonstration of your skills at creating and describing an environment in which the reader can be fully immersed. Keep it up!


Scarecrow
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
8
8
Review of Sleepless  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings mix n match Author Icon! I've chosen to review your poem on behalf of the PDG reviewing group.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- I love the witty, upbeat and sprightly tone of this poem. Lately I've been reading a lot of somber poetry, so this was a much needed boost to see me through the gloom of winter.


How's The Flow?- The flow is amazing in your piece. At no point did I stumble with the rhythm, due mainly to the way in which you've chosen to word each line. it's all so zippy! And you made it seem so effortless. If most poems are a lazy river, then this one is a white-water rafting expedition! Awesome job!


The Rhymes- (where applicable) Great job in the rhymes as well. I especially liked some of the uncommon and unexpected choices (speeding/heeding, hesitate/investigate and cricket/wicket). I also admire how you made all the words rhyme without making it seem forced.


Imagery- The imagery used in this piece is both broad enough to appeal to all sorts of readers and unique to you as the authour. This makes the piece feel like a shared experience and allows for the reader to contemplate the things that keep them up at night.


Errors/ Suggestions- The spelling and grammar were all great, but there were a few little punctuation errors that popped out at me. In the third line, there's a space between the word "three" and the period that doesn't need to be there. There's a similar issue in the seventeenth line where there's an unnecessary space between "radio" and the comma.

The other issues I had were more in presentation. For instance, the title at the top could be put in bold. It would also make it pop more if the title and body of the poem were separated with a space.

And speaking of spacing, I was a little confused by your choice in verse lengths. The space between the first and last verse seems a little random and confusing, and chops up the poem. Perhaps spacing it out more evenly ( every six lines or so?) would give it a more refined structure.


Overall- I really enjoyed the quirky humour found in this poem. Between that and the tight rhymes and rhythm, you've created a truly entertaining and relatable piece. Fantastic job!




** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
9
9
Review of Open Mic Night  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 Author Icon. Since you've just had a birthday, I'm offering up a review as a sort of belated birthday gift. Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.



The Plot- As an amateur musician, I found this story to be an accurate take on the emotional roller-coaster that comes in the moments leading up to a performance. In fact, it sums up the feelings so well that I'm led to believe that this story is auto-biographical in nature. Either that or you have some sort of empathic abilities!


The Characters- The main character is well fleshed out in a mental sense; Her non-stop thoughts throughout the tale give the reader an insight into the anxiety, uncertainty and "butterflies" that most performers face at some point or another. There wasn't much in the way of physical description (or even a name, for that matter), but given that this is a first-person perspective, it works regardless.
There are a few supporting characters (Levi, the parents) and they all serve their purpose in moving the tale along without too much detail bogging it down.


The Imagery- This story had a very in-the-moment vibe to it. The protagonist's detailed description of the nervousness she feels almost eclipses any description of her surroundings, but again this rings true. From my experience, those steps to the stage are quite introspective and the crowd and their response are almost secondary to the chaos in my head. Until the wheels get rollin' anyway.


Errors?- There wasn't anything amiss with the spelling, grammar and punctuation, but for one spot that didn't seem quite right to me.
Just before she starts her set, you wrote Without looking out into the crowd, a full house, I had heard someone say, I pulled in a calming breath ... it almost seems to me that this line would flow better if you put parentheses around the middle part. Without looking out into the crowd ( a full house, I had heard someone say), I pulled in a calming breath...maybe it's just me though. *Wink*


Overall Impression- I'm amazed at how good of a job you've done with illustrating the thoughts that go through some people's heads prior to a performance. Despite the enjoyment that generally comes from a successful set, there's a whole nerve-wracking anxiousness that precedes it, which you've nailed. Fantastic job!


Scarecrow
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
10
10
Review of Just Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Greetings Reggie B Author Icon! I came across your poem on the "Review Request" page and have chosen to send you a review on behalf of the PDG reviewing group. Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- I liked the basic, underlying message of staying true to yourself that runs throughout the piece. If there's one thing that I've learned as I've grown older, it's that it doesn't matter so much how others feel about you, but how you feel about yourself. If you can be content with who you are at the end of the day, no matter what life throws at ya, then who cares what others think.


How's The Flow?- You mentioned that this is your first poem, and it shows a bit in the flow of your piece. Fortunately it's a pretty simple fix.
This definitely is classified as a free-verse style of poem, and as such there isn't really a defined rhythm or flow, but at the same time, the way it's laid out makes for a bit of a tricky read. I find a poem is easier to digest if you keep the lines somewhat uniform-- basically chop what you have into bite-sized snippets. I'll illustrate what I mean with your first verse :

When I was a girl, I was just me. I lived in my own imaginary world.
So called friends would tease, and others would laugh.
But I was content with being just me.

... now with a little bit of cut and paste :

When I was a girl, I was just me.
I lived in my own imaginary world.
So called friends would tease,
and others would laugh.
But I was content with being just me.

Nothing has to be rewritten, just move some words around is all. *Smile*


The Rhymes- (where applicable) Since this is what I would call a free-verse poem, no rhymes are really expected, so I guess this doesn't apply.


Imagery- The imagery is a little light, but given the subject of the poem, I wasn't expecting waving, flowery meadows and fragrant, cherry blossoms. This seems more of an introspective piece, and as such, you've focused more on experiences as a whole instead of wordy descriptions of the experiences. This works well in the context of the poem, although I feel there could be a bit more detail regarding how you tried to live up to society's norms, but were happier just being yourself.


Errors/ Suggestions- Apart from the things already mentioned, I found no flaws in the grammar, spelling or punctuation.


Overall- I liked the positive message that comes from so many negative experiences. I think this could be a really inspirational poem for someone who doesn't know where they fit in the grand scheme of things and could help them to understand it's ok to be who they are. Unless they're an axe-murderer or something I suppose. But anyway, nice job on your first poem, and keep on being the poetic you *Wink*





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
11
11
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings WriterAtHeart Author Icon! I came across your poem on the "Review Request" page and am offering my feedback on behalf of the PDG reviewing group.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- There's a certain bleakness to this poem to which I can relate. I like how each verse represents a different stage of a thunderstorm while at the same time works as symbolism for a relationship gone wrong.


How's The Flow?- I found the flow to be a bit choppy in places. It has a structured poem kind of feel, but the rhythm gets in the way of a smooth and flowing read. This can be fixed rather easily by adding or subtracting words. I usually count the syllables in each line to keep things tight; this isn't a fool-proof method, but it works most of the time. For example, the first few lines of the poem ( She always have bunch of people to roam/ Yet, her soul wanders alone.) would flow a bit better with a few tweaks to the first line. Maybe something like: There's many with whom she can roam/ Yet, her soul wanders alone.

The rest of the poem is almost there as far as rhythm, but it could use a little attention to word choice and syllable count to make the flow more consistent.


The Rhymes- (where applicable) The rhymes for the most part were well done, but the rhyme scheme is a bit off. Nothing major, but in the second and third verse, you follow a AABB pattern, but in the fourth you went with a ABAB scheme. I found this also made a smooth read through a little choppy.


Imagery- As I mentioned above, I like how you used the rain as a metaphor. The second verse's reference to a dark and cloudy night and "roaring,loud" voices suggested trouble on the horizon; the full on assault of the storm as described in the third verse works well in juxtaposition with the end of a relationship, and the cleansing rain of the fourth verse symbolized (to this reader) the tears of acceptance. For such a quick and simple piece, you've really done a great job of merging a thunder storm and a break-up into one cohesive piece!


Errors/ Suggestions- Apart from what I mentioned above regarding rhythm and flow, I couldn't find any grammar, punctuation or spelling issues.


Overall- I like how you framed your poem with the same lines at the beginning and end. It gives the poem a certain cyclical feel that implies the female subject will heal and carry on, albeit in a dismal and lonely existence. Certainly not a feel good poem, but it's definitely an honest one. Nice job!





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
12
12
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Seffi Author Icon. I see your WDC anniversary is upon us and so I thought I'd send a review your way on behalf of the PDG. Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.



The Plot- I always like a story as told from a different perspective, and this one did a bang-up job of conveying fear and uncertainty. Something as innocent as a fireworks display is no big deal to those with an understanding of it, but to an ignorant observer, it would seem confusing and alarming. You did a wonderful job expressing those feelings.


The Characters- The main one to speak of is Toby, the protagonist. You've wonderfully articulated his thoughts on what appears to be a ceaseless, catastrophic onslaught. I got a real sense of panic as I read his interpretations of the scene around him and worried about what was to come. Turns out it was just some fireworks.
The physical descriptions were a little light; it seems there was just enough information to let me know he was even a dog! ( He was a dog,right?) This seems to work well in the story, though. If we knew all along then a lot of the mystery and emotional impact of the tale would be lost.


The Imagery-The imagery is quite well executed. You've worded the story in a way that keeps the reader guessing as to what is happening ( I thought it was a war story as told from a civilian's perspective) right up until the end.
Considering that this is only a five hundred word short, you've done surprisingly well at making the most of every word. The descriptions of the sights, sounds and smells of the environment take the reader to the scene without becoming overly wordy. A much heftier narrative than its size would suggest. Awesome stuff!


Errors?- I can't really see any issues with the spelling, grammar or punctuation in this story. I was going to call you out for the phrase raft of explosions, but after a quick Google search, it turns out that 'raft" can be used in this way. So, thanks for introducing me to a new use for the word *Bigsmile*


Overall Impression- This was definitely an interesting exploration of how different eyes see different things. As humans growing into adulthood, we lose a lot of the fear of the unknown as experience and living teaches us to be more fearful of the known. Your story reminded this reviewer of a simpler time when my most terrifying experience was a thunderstorm. Nice job on a different POV!

Scarecrow
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
13
13
Review of A Place Of Refuge  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Christopher Roy Denton Author Icon. I just finished reading your piece and thought I'd offer my two cents worth.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.



The Plot- I always love a good post-apocalyptic tale and this one was right up my alley. The idea of a meteor strike causing widespread destruction isn't particularly a new one, but I found the mention of a frozen Texas wasteland a little jarring which drove home the point of just how extreme the changes could be.
And that ending! I was completely unprepared for the story's conclusion, but as soon as India said, “I wish he was an animal. I really wanna eat.", a morbid grin spread across my face as I knew where the story was going.
Great job all around!


The Characters- The main characters of Naomi and India are well done. We see Naomi's fierce strength and survival instinct throughout which makes for an impressive female lead. India comes across as a believable tot, especially with her inquisitiveness when the books come out.
For both of these characters I liked how it seemed more attention was spent on their bundled up appearances. It really underscores the stark and unforgiving climate of a post-strike winter.
Even the two bad guys were effectively written. Just by virtue of their dialogue and intentions I got a good sense of the beastly thugs they were.


The Imagery- You did a nice job describing a hostile environment. Mention of ferocious wind and perpetual dust cloud cover produced an image of a planet no longer recognizable as our own. This gave a bleak and barren feel that went well with the theme of the story.
The description of the basement sanctuary was also effective in that you described the room in great detail. The homey (although abandoned) feel of the place served to illustrate the contrast between it and the outside world as well as reminding the reader that the things that are common to us have become rare in the world you've created.


Errors?- I noticed a few little things here and there:

- 6th paragraph, India says “Is it a bunker? Like the one we hid in when the rocks fell.”... It's like the second part is a continuation of the question and not a statement and as such, there should be a question mark after "fell".

- 11th paragraph ( when they first gain access to the basement), you describe a A huge stone fireplace, and in the next sentence a A huge television. I feel it would be better if you swapped out one of the "huges". Especially since there are so many other words than can convey size; massive, giant, monstrous, gargantuan and so on!

- 33rd paragraph (shortly after the bad guys' arrival), one of the men says “See that. That there’s a boot print."... In this case it seems like the first part is a question and the second a statement. So it would make more sense if it started with “See that?"


Overall Impression- I greatly enjoyed this gruesome little tale. All throughout you were able to keep it moving at a brisk pace without missing any important information. Great descriptiveness worked to immerse me into the environment and gave me a sense of sympathy for the characters' struggles.
That ending though...like I said, I did not see it coming at all, and that made it all the more delightfully disturbing. Awesome stuff!


Scarecrow
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
14
14
Review of Time Passes  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings Patrick McDonagh Author Icon! I've chosen to review your poem on behalf of the PDG reviewing group.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- This poem was a straight-forward and accurate interpretation of the passage of time. It expresses the changes that take place in broad enough terms so that it appeals to readers from all walks of life. I like how your final verse suggests that instead of looking at time as an unrelenting and cruel inevitability, we should approach it with a positive attitude so as to take in all we can with the time we're given.


How's The Flow?- There are bits and pieces here and there that caused me to stumble as I read along. I find it tricky sometimes to find the proper word choices to keep the flow smooth...sometimes the proper words are elusive. Perhaps with a bit of word substitution and/or omission you could polish this right up!
For instance, the first line of the third verse felt a little clunky to me in relation to the rest of the poem:
Is there nothing in this world/ that will never change ... I feel it would sound a bit better if the line were changed to Are there things in this world/ that will never change .
There were a few other instances where the lines seemed a little out of place with the overall rhythm of the poem. If you read over the poem and something feels a little off, then usually it can be fixed rather easily by switching words around.


The Rhymes- (where applicable) The rhymes were all pretty well done. There were a few instances of what I call "near-rhymes" (change/same,passed/lasts), but that's close enough for this reviewer!


Imagery- As I mentioned above, this poem is expressed in broad imagery which is a good way to make it relateable to more people. Ideas like "grasping for something to hold onto" and "treasuring the moments" are the spiritual challenges that befall us all and are represented well within this piece. This form of expression avoids getting the reader confused by cryptic, personal references and makes for an overall easy-to-digest poem.


Errors/ Suggestions- Apart from some of the issues with the flow, I found this poem could benefit from a little more punctuation. A few commas, question marks and periods in the appropriate places could also improve the flow, as it would let the reader know the right places to pause.


Overall- I won't say this poem struck a powerful chord with me, but it was certainly one with which I could relate. As I'm putting more and more years behind me I'm really starting to notice how quickly time is slipping away. This poem did make me think about the time I've squandered in misery and makes me want to try and approach the remainder of what's left on a more positive note. Hopefully other readers will get the same take-away. Nicely done!





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
15
15
Review of For Later  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings Maolla Author Icon! I came across your poem on the Review Request page and decided to give it a look and offer my two cents on behalf of the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- You mentioned on the request page that this is your first attempt at a poem in English, and with that in mind I must say that you've done a wonderful job of crafting a cohesive and thought-provoking narrative style of poem. It has such attention to detail regarding even the most mundane aspects of Adam's life that it seemed like I knew the man. There are a few spots where the English is a little off (just a little), but in a way it almost adds a different perspective through uncommon, yet acceptable, word usage. Some examples of this are : Adam is living, or trying to think he is or Adam was not quite wrong about certain things. This made me take my time and consider every line which in turn gave me a much better sense of the meaning of the poem. Nicely done!


How's The Flow?- If I had to describe the flow in one word, it would be "meaty". Most poetry I'm used to (in a structured form, anyway) has a lively and free flow to it, but there's something in the length of your lines that adds a little extra and gives the poem more of that narrative feel. It seems to be missing a bit of polish to make it flow smoothly, but I think that almost adds to the individuality and uniqueness of the piece.



The Rhymes- (where applicable) The rhymes were a little spotty at times (met/ tad), (clarinet/ that), but considering this is your first effort writing an English poem, I won't go too hard on you. *Wink*
For the most part, the rhymes are close enough to work in maintaining a structured rhyme scheme without tripping up the reader.



Imagery- As I mentioned above, I think what works so well in this poem is the fine detail you give. When you mention Adam's enjoyment of skiing and the clarinet, dreams of a trip to Disneyland and getting a guinea pig, and his feelings toward the neighbour girl, you've created an authentic and believable regular guy who is just trying to get by. This makes his eventual demise all the more tragic and serves to drive home the point you were trying to make.



Errors/ Suggestions- I couldn't find any flaws in your poem as far as punctuation and spelling are concerned. There were however a few little mistakes that I noticed.

In the fourth verse you write He wants to learn Korean and do baseball,... the correct verb in this case would be play, as in ...play baseball

Then in the fifth verse you wrote He'll solve the Rubic cube... it's actually called a Rubix or Rubik's cube. But don't feel bad, I had to Google it to make sure of the spelling myself. *Smile*


Overall- I'm pretty impressed by the way you've been able to express yourself in a language other than your native one. This poem held together better than some pieces I've read by seasoned poets and shows a natural talent for the written word. The depiction of Adam as an regular man who has his life cut short drives home the point that there's no time like the present to reach for your goals and for some people, things won't wait For Later.

Awesome job!





Invalid Photo #1053018
16
16
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello queenkissy. Since you're a PDG Featured Authour this month, I figured I'd send along a review for your piece Candy Coated Nightmare. Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.



The Plot- This was an interesting take on a classic children's tale. In the original version, the evil step-mother acts as the catalyst for the children's misadventure which leaves the reader feeling pity for the kids. However, you've updated it to make the kids spoiled brats who kind of get what they deserve... a little of the ol' scared straight treatment! An apt interpretation for these modern and entitled times.


The Characters- All the characters we know and love are here, with a little tweaking. The father remains basically unchanged from the original, but the step-mother in your version is kind as opposed to conniving and manipulative. From your description of their actions, you were able to paint the picture of a pair of hard-working adults doing what needs to be done, although maybe a little soft in the parenting department.
Hansel and Gretel are humourously updated to reflect what seems to be a common thread among the youth of today. Their lack of responsibility and general laziness sums up the current state of the younger crowd. This makes for a much more contemporary feel to a centuries old tale.

If I were to give one criticism, it would be that there doesn't seem to be much physical description in this story. I have a basic idea of how the characters look from other versions of this tale, but this one seems fairly light on their respective appearances.


The Imagery- All in all, I found the imagery to be a little light, but there are some decent descriptions all the same. I liked the part about how the kids undid all the hard work of their parents by a few reckless "shenanigans". The whole paragraph was a madcap experience of chaos and destruction that seems quite funny since it didn't happen to me *Smile*.
I feel this story would really pop with a bit more imagery involved. And there's a lot to work with here. The pastoral scenes of the surrounding countryside, the evil and reclusive witch, the candy house... all of these things could be described more fully to give the reader a more immersive experience.


Errors?- I didn't find a whole lot wrong with the punctuation, grammar and spelling, but one thing stuck out at me.

- In the last paragraph where you describe the king's reward, you wrote 4 chickens. Usually in writing, you write out the numbers (four). There are exceptions to the rule, but I don't think this is one of 'em *Wink*


Overall Impression- I really enjoyed this fresh take on a story I've told and been told so many times before. And even though the kids start out as spoiled, by the story's resolution they've learned their lesson and so we're left with a feel-good and family-friendly story that's just as entertaining as the original. Great job!


Scarecrow
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
17
17
Review of Quiet  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings dizzydreamer Author Icon! I've chosen to review your poem on behalf of the PDG reviewing group.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression-This was a rather melancholy little poem. As someone who has been dismissed and told to "keep it to myself" over the years, I feel I could relate to the thoughts expressed. I liked the repetition of the words " I kept quiet" throughout the piece, I feel it powerfully emphasizes the point you wish to express.



How's The Flow?- I struggled a bit with the flow. Seeing as how the lines all rhyme, it seems this poem wants to be a structured piece, but the lines themselves sometimes have too many words to give a smooth reading.
For example, in the first few lines I kept quiet when they told me I was loud/ I kept quiet when they said I should settle down... it seems the second line has too many syllables to match the first. Maybe if it was whittled down to --I kept quiet when they told me I was loud/ I kept quiet when they said "Settle down"



The Rhymes- (where applicable) The rhymes all seem to be pretty good, and it doesn't seem like you had to strain to make any of them fit. There are a few instances of what I call "almost rhymes" ( shouting/fighting and speak/keep), but on the whole the rhymes are apt. *Smile*



Imagery- This is one of those poems that relate more to thought than to surroundings ( although the thoughts described are a result of the surroundings, but I digress), and as such you've tackled the challenge of articulating the intangible. The mood of the poet seems to devolve into a hopeless introversion as the poem progresses and just by a gradual decline in the mood of each verse, that feeling is passed on to the reader. Exceptional in its bleakness!



Errors/ Suggestions- Apart from the rhythm issues I mentioned above, I noticed in the second line of the third verse that you forgot to capitalize the word "I".
Also, I'm not usually a stickler for punctuation in poems ( I feel the end of the line acts as it's own punctuation), but I noticed yours was devoid of any punctuation until the last verse where you snuck a few periods in. Personally, I feel for the sake of continuity you should either put punctuation all throughout the poem, or none at all.



Overall- This was a straight forward, raw look at the results of being quieted down one too many times. Most people don't realize the effect this can have on the mental well-being of a person, especially when it's a frequent occurrence. This poem sheds a little light on a rarely considered topic and the bleak ending only further illustrates the reality of the situation. Nicely done!





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
18
18
Review of My Truth  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings TheOneGirl Author Icon! I've chosen to review your poem on behalf of the PDG reviewing group.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- I stumbled across this poem on the review request page where you stated that this was something you needed to get off your chest. This piece definitely has the feel of a poem that was written as fast as the thoughts came to you where more attention is paid to the feelings expressed than the polished structure. I've always found that poems written in this manner tend to be more raw in their approach and, by extension, give more of an impact to the reader. What we're left with is the agonized, desperate and tortured thoughts of a humble spirit unsure of how to proceed with a toxic relationship. Heavy stuff, indeed.



How's The Flow?- This poem doesn't really adhere to any strictly structured form of which I'm aware (but that's not saying much, there's more poetry types that I don't know about than I do), but there is certainly a loose structure here that I can appreciate. The two smaller verses followed by the repetition of the verse starting with I’m so sorry... makes for a decent flow without losing or tripping up the reader. I also like how certain lines are repeated (I can’t believe...,I fight so hard/ I'm still fighting) which gives the poem a certain cyclical feel.



The Rhymes- (where applicable) The rhymes aren't what I would call "laser-precise", but they're close enough to add a bunch of punch and go well with the overall loose and free-flowing feel of the poem.



Imagery- There are a few examples of metaphor (No trophy I can raise ) and simile (...like your loyal devotee), but for the most part, this poem confronts the subject head-on without trying to get too descriptive or symbolic. It's more like the venting of a writer at her wit's end with a relationship, and that's something just about anyone can envision (to varying degrees).



Errors/ Suggestions- I can't find anything wrong with the spelling or grammar. The punctuation seems a little light, but I suppose when writing in this form, the end of each line can act as punctuation.



Overall- I found this to be a very effective poem in getting your point across to the reader. Your choice of words made your feelings clear and elicited feelings of sadness and empathy from this reader.
On a personal note--and maybe it's none of my biz-- but maybe saying goodbye to such a belittling and unpleasant relationship wouldn't be a bad thing. Sometimes it can be hard seeing anything better when all you know is the bad, but there must be better than this out there for you... you just need a break from all the negativity. And perhaps "life is better in the sky", but wouldn't it be worth a shot at trying life with someone who respects you first? Just this humble reviewer's opinion *Smile*
In any event, this was a well put together poem, even though you don't consider yourself a poet *Wink*. Nicely done!





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
19
19
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Cat Voleur Author Icon. I see that it's the month of your WDC Anniversary, and as such, I figured I'd give you an Anniversary Review

Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.



The Plot- Never in my wildest imaginings could I envision a common table lamp as being so spooky and ominous. As the plot unfolded, I was reminded of some of Stephen King's work and his ability to turn everyday objects into something more sinister. You definitely get points for composing such a riveting and fast paced tale, and even more points for being able to work the lamp into the story without making it seem like you were straining to do so. I also enjoyed the melancholy ending; a story like this works so much better without a cheerful resolution. Awesome stuff!


The Characters- The only ones to speak of are Jane and John Smith. So let's start with Jane, shall we?

The character of Jane was expertly crafted and through her narration, we get a sense of the type of woman she is. I especially liked how she questioned her state of mind through much of the story because I feel this would be how a real person would respond to such a situation.

With her husband John, we're treated to much of the same, although in his case we get to know the fellow through his responses and actions. In spite of his gentle ribbing and borderline frustration with Jane, we get the sense that he is a kind and concerned hubby, which makes his demise all the more tragic.

I think what brought these characters to life is their dialogue. It all seemed to flow so naturally, like it would between married couples and made them all the more realistic.

The Imagery- The imagery in this story is amazingly descriptive without being too verbose. From our introduction to the creepy hotel, to the ennui of days spent in the middle of a strange and desolate place, to the vivid description of the gore soaked ghost floor, you've treated the reader to a story that can be visualized without too much effort on the part of said reader.


Errors?- Luckily I didn't find any issues with the spelling or punctuation... trying to point out the part of the story where the errors occurred would have been a nightmare with a story of this length. I did however have some small issues with the way some things were worded.

There's a point shortly after they arrive when they go out to eat, and Jane starts to realize how distant everything is from the hotel and explains I didn’t mention anything about it that time around, not in the mood to be picked on for my “paranoia.”... the last part of the sentence seems to be missing something; my first impulse would be for it to read "... not being in the mood to be picked on for my “paranoia.” ... although this wording would feel a little clumsy since the word "be" is already present, I find the line needs something to make it a little more clear. "...since I wasn't in the mood..." might work a bit better also.

At another point, shortly after Jane was forced to take the elevator on the right, you wrote Our vacation had been creeping by so slowly up until that point, but everything that happened after I picked myself up off the floor of the hallway went by so quickly in comparison... I don't think you need the extra "so" in there. I feel it would sound better if the line ended as ...went by quickly in comparison

Another quibble I had was with Jane's superhuman vision. At a few different points you wrote about her seeing the lamp and even a ghostly hand turning off the lamp. I'm not sure how easily someone would be able to make out the details from a window 150 feet up. I understand that this is a rather integral part of the tale, and can't really figure a work-around, so maybe I just need to learn to suspend my disbelief a little. *Wink*


Overall Impression- This is one solid piece of writing. I bow to your literary prowess! I don't generally review stories this long for fear of it taking up my whole day, but this tale clipped along at such a sprightly pace that I didn't mind the time spent. I liked the reference to the Shining, and as I read the story and saw they were directly below the ill-fated room 1508, I had to wonder...does that mean they're in room 1408? In any event, this is one of the most well-crafted, polished and complete pieces of writing I've seen on this site in a while (and you've got some stiff competition out there!). Phenomenal job!


Scarecrow
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
20
20
Review of My Anthem  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings EOIWriting Author Icon! I've chosen to review your poem on behalf of the PDG reviewing group.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- Considering this was written in the space of ten minutes, I must say I'm quite impressed. This poem definitely has a " train-o-thought" feel to it where you've just vented what's in your mind without much concern over presentation. I say this in the positive way. A lot of times when a poet tries too hard to give their piece a polish, the underlying theme gets bogged down. In your poem, the reader is exposed to a raw, unfiltered look into depression's sinister grip on a person's mind.



How's The Flow?- Seeing as how this is a free verse poem, I wasn't expecting any real sort of structure, but there is definitely a certain flow to be found. Sometimes I find free verse can get a little too random, but again that's not the case here. This poem has what I like to call a "slam poetry" sort of feel. I can envision someone reciting this out loud at a poetry reading somewhere!



The Rhymes- (where applicable) Again with this being a free verse, there weren't any rhymes expected. However, there are quite a few present... just not in a conventional poetry sense. I liked how your rhymes appeared sporadically throughout the poem. It gives an almost jarring effect to the reader and emphasizes the torment of the poet. To me, it feels like the literary equivalent of pounding your fist on the table!



Imagery- This is a dark and gloomy piece, with nary a bright spot in sight. In a way this is sort of refreshing as opposed to the general positive resolution I've seen in a lot of poems ( I'm not saying a positive outlook is a bad thing, but it doesn't necessarily mirror the experiences of everyone). This poem starts off on a melancholy note, but by the last few verses, the feelings of frustration and despair become quite evident with lines like Livin in this existential hell
My tribulations are severe
My sanity is long gone, my dear
I say it again, my tribulations are severe...

... I really liked these lines. The repetition is very effective at getting your point across.



Errors/ Suggestions- The only thing that popped out at me was in the lines I just mentioned where you wrote Livin in this existential hell... I can't help but feel that this wouldn't pop out as much if you went with either Livin' or Living



Overall- As a person who suffers from periodic bouts of depression, I could relate to this piece quite well. Especially the parts about how others don't think you have anything to worry about when your mind is trying to eat itself. That's the problem with perception, it's different to everyone, and everyone's perception is their reality. Outward appearances are often out of sync with the inner process and it would be nice if everyone could have a little more understanding of that fact. In any case, thanks for sharing your thoughts in one of the more candid and personal poems I've read in a long time. Great job!





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
21
21
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings ElectricPineappleArt Author Icon! I've chosen to review your poem on behalf of the PDG reviewing group.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- This was a beautifully rendered expression of the infatuation and depth of feelings one experiences when they've found real love. The majority of the emotions you've described are ones I've felt myself which made this poem all the more impactful.



How's The Flow?- This is a free-verse style of poem and so there isn't really much flow to speak of compared to the structured forms. You did keep the lines tight though. Sometimes free-verse gets a little too "free" and turns into this sloppy, jumbled, stumbling mess. Not the case here-- you've kept it smooth and clean!



The Rhymes- (where applicable) Again since this is free-verse, I didn't expect any rhymes.



Imagery- The phrase puzzle without a picture really knocked my socks off! It's definitely one of those combination of words that makes you think, while at the same time blanking out your mind (that's the effect it had on this reviewer, anyway). It describes the mysterious connection that is love to a T. Which is why I think "Puzzle" would be the perfect title for this poem. But I digress...

The second verse was chock full of imagery that conjured up those feelings I've had. Especially as it relates to a new romance. I can't even highlight the lines that were most impressive, because the whole verse impressed me greatly. The next few verses are more introspective and personal, but I can relate as well to the 'desert heart" you mention. I especially liked how you pulled the object of your affection into the desert in the last verse as your shadows cross the sands. There's just so much going on here!



Errors/ Suggestions- As far as spelling, punctuation and grammar go, this poem was spot-on.



Overall- Wow, this one really blew me away. The depth of expression, the word choices, the way it can appeal to anyone, anywhere as an apt description of the universal language of love. I'm amazed that this is an early draft. This is a poem that I'd be proud to call the final copy. Incredible job!





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
22
22
Review of The Umbrella  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello James Heyward Author Icon. I just finished reading your piece The Umbrella and thought I'd offer my two cents worth.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.



The Plot-This was a rather well-crafted and engaging story that moved along quite nicely. I like how you were able to balance out the plausible and understandable feelings of guilt and "what if?" that would follow in the wake of such a tragedy with the supernatural experiences of the calls from beyond the grave. This gives the story an almost biographical feel.


The Characters- The story is told through the eyes of Tom who you've made into a sympathetic and believable character through the use of dialogue and his inner thoughts. I got a true sense of the guilt he felt not only for the favour he asked but also for its outcome.
The other main character of note is Pete, the doomed cousin. He has been just as well created, but with him it's more of an observational thing. The reader doesn't really know what he's thinking, but gets a good sense of the person he is by his demeanour, dialogue and even a bit of physical description.


The Imagery- All throughout the story you've come up with some interesting and effective ways of expressing what you want to say. There's a line in the first paragraph... Life isn’t a court, it’s an abattoir. This really hooked me into the story and set the tone for what lay ahead.
The rest of the story caries on in this descriptive fashion, setting a mental scene for the reader. Your descriptions of the sights ...My cousin had two hundred dollars on him, a platinum wedding band, and a six hundred dollar watch. It was all left in the road, in the blood, in the rain, sounds ...It ebbed and flowed like the tide, first a soft hiss, barely there at all, and gradually building to a harsh clamor, like the sound of a cymbal and smells She was standing there on the pale linoleum, smelling like apple crisp and Ben-gay all serve to transport the reader to the scene. Great stuff!


Errors?- There was only one thing that seemed out of place, and that's where you wrote When my grandmother offered her pink umbrella, he had waived it away. Although I suppose technically this would work, I think the proper spelling would be waved.


Overall Impression- Overall I liked this story quite a bit. It clipped along at a decent pace and has a certain level of closure at the end. I say certain level because we're left with the impression that although this chapter of his life is closed, it will stay forever in poor Tom's mind. A gut-wrenching and rather creepy read. Awesome job!


Scarecrow
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
23
23
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Robert Deimel Author Icon! I've chosen to review your poem on behalf of the PDG reviewing group.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- I picked this poem since we're into March and the signs of Christmas are indeed gone, but then after reading the poem, I realized that you were talking about the diminished spirit of the season in today's bewildering society as a whole. I'm not sure if Christmas used to be so magical because of my youthful perception, or if it's really being swept under the rug and forgotten. Frankly I think it's the latter. Everyone is so busy trying to see everyone, that they don't have time to see anyone! Not to mention that Christianity seems to be a dirty word these days. It just occurred to me now that apart from a few racks of candy, I haven't seen any Easter displays. What a world... I'm ranting and I should stop and get on with the review.


How's The Flow?- The flow in this poem is superb. This one must have stayed in its original format because I got through it effortlessly on the first reading. You have a natural talent for rhythm.



The Rhymes- (where applicable) Here's the only part I struggled with. The rhyme scheme seems to be fluctuating wildly. The first two verses are in a nice AABB scheme, but then you switch to an ABCB, with a reappearance of the AABB scheme in verse six...this made it difficult to fully "settle in"; it was like I didn't know which way it was going to go. And it probably wouldn't have been as distracting if you had done a few verses in AABB, then a few in ABCB and then back and forth (it would have been like a lyric), but this rhyme scheme just seemed a little hard to follow. I know it's tricky finding the right words to match the flow and feel you're going for, but a bit of substitution could help.

For instance, the third verse could be re-worked as follows:

They linger in my memory --
A vague remembrance of the glee;
But glee with depth, and faithful friends
Whose love paid out in dividends

...not exactly like that, but something along those lines.



Imagery- What I liked about the imagery in this poem is how you've drawn comparisons between the Christmases that were and the Christmases that now are. Just the simple mention of things like presents, songs, lights, joy and the meaning of the season conjured up the sweetest of memories for this reviewer. It made me recall the Christmases of my youth and by extension made me consider the lost meaning and tradition of which you also speak. This use of imagery works to create a bit of an emotional roller-coaster for the reader. Which is what good poetry is all about!



Errors/ Suggestions- With the exception of the random rhyme scheme, I could find no faults in the spelling, grammar or punctuation of this poem. Nicely done!



Overall Overall, I found this poem to be a bitter-sweet exploration of the passage of time and the things that get lost along the way. Despite the depressing realization of what Christmas has become, you manage to maintain the memories of better times and express them in a way that speaks to the reader (or a reader who remembers what Christmas used to be like anyway) making them recall their own blissful memories. Fantastic work!





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
24
24
Review of Earthquake  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Jay O'Toole Author Icon. I just finished reading your piece Earthquake and thought I'd offer my two cents worth.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.



The Plot- It's my understanding that this is just the beginning of a much larger story, and as such, I see a lot of potential for where the story can go. The beginning seemed like a simple "lost, helpless creature" type of story, but towards the end, with the appearance of the mysterious, misty portal you've opened up a world where literally anything can happen. Certainly a good start!


The Characters- The two we've met (thus far) are Quest and his father Casa. Seeing as how both of them are bears, it was nice that you didn't spend a whole lot of time describing their physical features. After all, most bears look alike to this reviewer. However, by using inner dialogue and exploring their thoughts, you've created a pair with whom the reader feels some sympathy. What we wind up with is a curious and optimistic young bear and his concerned father who are surprisingly believable, given that they're bears who can talk and read. *Wink*


The Imagery- The imagery is strong with this one! Throughout the story, you're able to describe the events in a way that paints a vivid mental picture for the reader. A few snippets of what I liked were during the initial quake...Quest fell headlong, head over heels, then side over side, down and ever down to the cacophony of rocks and dust swirling 'round his head, the rush of bird wings flying furiously and other animals squealing - and then falling silent

...or Casa's emergence from his would be tomb ...Casa's exit from this new mausoleum became something between the sliding rocks of a cascading creek and falling down two flights of stairs. All in all, the whole story was filled with this type of wonderfully descriptive writing.

Errors?- I tend to go over things with a fine tooth comb, and I found a few errors, or things that seemed a little off. I'll go through them in the order they appear in the story.

Quest's chapter- There's a paragraph that starts with Slowly understanding returned about some things... I think there should be a comma between Slowly and understanding.

Also, you wrote His warm, cozy, snuggily bed was gone. The correct spelling is snuggly ...and I don't care what my auto-correct says!

And another part goes Quest began to bellow heaving tears... Tears don't really seem to fit in with the rest of the sentence. A person can bellow and heave whilst crying, but it's not really due to the tears...they just kind of trickle out. Perhaps it would make more sense as Quest began to bellow heaving sobs.

Casa's chapter- A lot of the problems I had with Casa's chapter was in some of your choices for word emphasis. A number of times you either emboldened or underlined (and sometimes both) words that would be less distracting had they just been italicized instead. So, where you wrote "But for you and me,"-- you could have written "But for you and me," and it would work just as well. The same goes for...
- you can do it!
- the earthquake had affected Casa...
- Was it a Wrinkle in Time?
- He thought about The Chronicles of Narnia ... all of these examples can and probably should be italicized...in this reviewer's opinion.

There was a line in the chapter that went pile of dusty rocks that irritated his nose, making him convulse to breathe. "Convulse to breathe" sounds a little awkward. Perhaps making him breathe in convulsions or making him convulse with every breath would work better.

Another line went Did "his life flashed before his eyes" in the cave, when he almost died. A few problems here. The present tense of "flash" should be used, the sentence should end with a question mark, and you could probably do without the comma. Did "his life flash before his eyes" in the cave when he almost died?

Then there's the part where Casa finds his alleged front door. "Alleged", to me, makes me think of something implied without proof and since Casa would know that his front door did indeed once exist, perhaps a better word to describe it would be his former front door.

The Mist chapter- The only problem I found here was another of those pesky emboldened words. Where you wrote "LEAVE" ... I feel the capitalization of the word is sufficient to convey the intensity of the emotion felt by the speaking character and doesn't need to be in bold.

...and that's about it!


Overall Impression- Overall, I rather liked this story. It's a little hard to tell since there is sure to be a lot more to follow, but you've set things up nicely for a continuation and it'll be interesting to see the thing that befall Quest on his quest. Nicely done!


Scarecrow
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
25
25
Review of Lament Poem  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarecrow Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Robert Deimel Author Icon! I've chosen to review your poem on behalf of the PDG reviewing group.Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- At first glance, I was a little worried about how the poem would flow on account of the way it's laid out. But after reading through it, I was surprised by the cohesive rhythm. The subject matter also spoke to me, since I've been in the midst of a spiritual crisis for the last decade or so. I like how it ends on a somewhat hopeful note. I think when a person truly loses all hope, faith goes with it.



How's The Flow?- As I mentioned above, the flow is quite good. It was a little tricky trying to figure out the rhythm in some places due to the layout, but this could be rectified with some simple changes. For instance, some of your verses are two lines, some are three and one is four. Personally I feel this poem would be a little easier to digest if the verses were all four lines. You wouldn't have to add anything, just pull a bit of the old switcheroo. Here's the first two verses re-worked to let you know what I'm getting at:

I can feel the darkness round me
Permeate my thought and will;
As a sinister imposter
Advocating all that's ill.

Once again my plea for mercy
Goes unheeded as before;
Once again the silence deafens --
Solitude and nothing more.


...I feel if you reworked the rest of the poem as such, it would make the initial read-through a breeze and would help the reader focus more on the poem's message.



The Rhymes- (where applicable) The rhymes were all spot on, and nice use of the word malaise. It's not a word that pops into my head when I write poetry, but there's so many words that rhyme with it! I'll have to tuck that one away for later use *Smile*



Imagery- This is more of a inner thought type of poem, so there isn't really much in the way of describing surroundings or events. What we get instead is an exploration of the mind of one who's trying to understand their role in God's great plan. Anyone who has been in the same boat can relate to the darkness, malaise, and feeling of being punished of which this poem speaks. So, in that, you've captured the essence wonderfully.



Errors/ Suggestions-It's funny because at first I thought there were a few spots where it would need to be re-worded to improve the flow, but after mentally switching it to the four line scheme, it all flows without a hitch. After that I can't find any issues with the spelling, grammar or punctuation. Spot on!



Overall- This was one of those poems that seemed to be born out of a need to vent. With good reason! Sometimes life doesn't make any sense and the worst is when you struggle to find answers and even religion can't help you out. I guess that's why it's sometimes hard to keep faith. Things generally work out, but it's a desperate, long and rocky ride along the way. This poem captured that feeling quite well. Great job!





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
91 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 4 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/skarecrow