This poem is not normal in any way, but it catches the excitement of ghost hunting. Perhaps you could flesh this out a birt more, let us see why you're attracted to the paranormal. This revie may not be particularly helpful, but i did enjoy reading the poem.
You have my attention. I need to hear more.My main critique is that you use too many being verbs, especially the verb "was" as in "He was dragged out of the door"and "the door was kicked in".The being verbs make the story passive. Try for more active verbs. how about The cops grabbed him and dragged him out of the building. And as he watched, the door fell inward under a barrage of kicking feet.
I thought the best part was the doctor's final words, that deliciously horrifying threat hanging in the air.
you have the beginnings of an excellent horror story, but remember that kids want to be scard a little bit, but not so badly the story haunts them.
Keep writing.
Very funny, though it was a bit tedious as we had to follow Fred's every step.
The step by step telling though seemed necesaary to flesh oaut the whole story.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Keep writing.
Excellent. Though phoebe's days are boring, outlining the days presented a perfect vehicle to carry the story forward.
The onlyhing I can suggest to make this better is that you do a thorough spell check..There were a few misspelled words that bothered me, notably "Though strong arms and firm grip". Should ghis be through strong arms and firm grip?
Then there was morning abolutions.I think that should be ablutions.
Thank you for letting me rad it.
This made me laugh out loud. This is an excellent hook to draw the reader in, but it is not yet a short story. I wouldlike to see this plotted and made into a real story. Good luck with it and keep writing.
I loved everythig about this poem, especially the repetition of the "dream of me" refrain. The word choices were vivid nd crated wonderful pictures.The rhyming was effortless and did not interfere with the overall picture. The ending did surprise me, though. I thought the voice belonged to somone recently deceased, rather than to someone,a jilted lover, perhaps, who simply wanted to be remembered. Keep writing!.
Wonderful. I was there with Toby and Stevie.
I appreciated the way you compared the racial storm, and the senseless violence to a hurricane, which is exactly what the pre-civil rights era was. You should finish this and turnit into a proper book.
Excellent rhyming scheme. Yet such a dreary subject to put to a poem. Yo infused hope whr thre was none at the start. yo made me see the Angle tree in a new light whicdh is what good poetry is supposed to do. Good work.
A wonderful word picture! The sentence structure calls to mind the romantic era of English poetry, particularly of the 19th century. I enjoyed reading this and could find nothing that needs to be corrected or rewritten. Would love to see more of your work.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.14 seconds at 6:42pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
