I intrigued with this interesting different take on the zombie apocalypse. An issue that can come up with 'different takes' is that you might need to give some explanation on why your zombies are different than 'classic' zombies. They seem remarkably conversational for one thing, and less interested in eating you. There is also the question of whether all zombies come from Heaven. I can't imagine, for example, an Adolf Hitler zombie worrying about whether his relatives were lying or cursing. That's the kind of question you can have some fun with as you write your future chapters. Think carefully about the universe you're creating, even if you only reveal small bits of it to your readers at a time. Good luck!
I find this an interesting premise, but I also find myself somewhat puzzled by the story. For example,
"I am a young man, just out of college" vs. "everyone who survived came to our little town", which in its list of institutions does not include a college. And cell phone service in an isolated town? If no one ever comes back from 'the empty road,' why isn't the author taking some kind of tool or weapon? If I were writing a story like this, I'd spend some time thinking about my setting; how did it get there, what things it has or doesn't, and the kind of things to expect. Even if I don't use all that information directly in my story, I have a guideline for my universe to be consistent.
I like your use of description to bring me into your story's universe. It sounds like an interesting and well-constructed universe. I wish I knew a bit more about Kelan, the main character, but perhaps I'm missing something from Part 1, which I have not read. I'm a bit confused as to whether the 'only city on the island' is named ' Augurya' or 'Ataraxia.'
Couple of minor points.
"As the only city on the island, the Elder’s took each Auguryian citizen’s safety to the utmost seriousness." I had to stop here and re-read the sentence several times before I figured out what it was saying. Grammatically, "As the only city on the island," should refer to the name of a city. You might consider "As the leaders of the only city on the island, the Elders (more than one, no apostrophe needed) took..."
"closer to get a better look at the strange bird which appeared to ..." Maybe a comma after 'bird'?
Nice job!
Lovely! I very much enjoyed this story. I liked the light tough on it, and I liked the intro, in which the reader gradually finds out that the friend is a robot. The recurring joke about the fertilizer smell was a nice touch.
I was a bit bothered when I got to "I shook my head, knowing then and there this was not the lady for me." and then Helen and Manny end up getting married. This seemed a bit jarring, and I wonder if a statement like "I had never considered Helen as a girlfriend, and she didn't seem to be my type." might leave room for the reader to believe that Manny changed his mind.
Couple of minor points.
" Now I knew with a cold certainty, it was and that it wasn’t malfunctioning." Grammatically, the punctuation after "certainty" needs to be a semi-colon; a comma isn't enough to link two independent clauses.
" He’s inalienable rights!” Maybe "He has inalienable rights"
".... official status could be proved or disproved. Though, the D.A. did try to get him sent to a foster home with a family that knew how to provide for him properly." Perhaps better as a single sentence; ...disproved, thought the D.A. did try..."
"Helen was talking the bots forming a union..." Maybe talking about forming a union?
Great job. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Nice introduction to what is clearly a longer story. I like the idea of the Zodiac coming to life. I think a bit more description would make this an even more attractive story.
Couple of minor things:
"twelve beings of the Zodiac. You chosen because you..." Perhaps 'You were chosen'?
"....far more damage than sleep deprive..." Maybe 'sleep deprivation'?
"They all looked at me cautiously. Probably because..." This might do better as one sentence rather than two; "They all looked at me cautiously, probably because..."
Keep up the good work!
Interesting that you start with Day 74, I'm assuming of being in that location. Clearly this is a situation that has gone on for a while. Why has it? Your chapter raises a lot of intriguing questions. I found that I had to work hard at reading this, and when I read, I'm generally doing it for relaxation, not to work hard. I think you have a good beginning here, but I would have liked to have seen a bit more explanation and description.
The sentiments expressed in this work are clearly heartfelt, and I'm sure that your mother would be very encouraged and strengthened to read this. I think one suggestion that would make your work easier to read would be either to put in in stanzas (it appears here as almost an unbroken paragraph), or to leave it as a paragraph and put in capital letters and punctuation. I hope you will show this to your mother, if you haven't already.
I like your beginning; straight to the action. I would have liked to have seen a bit of explanation of who Clay Matthews is. I assume he does something wonderful, but a brief sentence, such as 'he scored nine touchdowns last year' would help those of us who are less knowledgeable about football. I was puzzled about the 'I wrote to Chad' sentence' - to me it didn't seem to fit the rest of the story. The rest of the story works very well - brief and to the point.
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