This is great! Excellent writing skill. You kept me laughing and interested the whole way through reading it. You should write copy for businesses. Great work!
You have great writing abilities. Very creative. My only suggestion would be to organize the details a little bit better so it doesn't seem like the reader is drifting from one event to another.
This has the makings of a great short story. It really held my interest. Your wording is very good. I like the character descriptions also and the way you draw the reader in to make them feel like they are actually in the story! Great work!
This shows your creative thoughts. I think if you expand on it a little bit more in depth it will be even better.
When I got to this part-- "it is just to give another face of excuse" I got a little lost in what you were trying to relay, but with a little bit of work you have the ability to make this that is good, better.
I hope you will continue your writing. Keep striving always to move upward in your talents and creative abilities.Keep a positive attitude and believe in yourself and your work and you will succeed!
I really enjoyed reading your story. It kept my attention the whole time. I like the way it is very descriptive so I can actually get a visual of the people you are writing about and the places they are at.
I take it this is just the beginning. I think once I got half way down it just needed to be a little more organinzed in terms of the flow, but overall I loved it and would definately be interested in reading the rest of the story. You kept my interest throughout the whole time I was reading and now I am curious as to the ending. That is a great way to leave a reader, wanting to read more!
Please let me know when you add more. This is really good! Keep writing. You have great potential. Practice! practice! practice! And stay positive and believe in your abilities.
Trisha
I am not sure exactly all that you were trying to relay in your writing. It has potential. If you would go more in depth and expand on the ideas that you are expressing I think it will be great. Continue writing and practicing because with persistent and consistent effort you will excel in your writing abilities. We as writers are unique and creative. This is the beauty of writing. We express ourselves in many different ways. Have a fantastic day! Never give up on your dreams!
Hello Marissa this is very deep. In the words written there is much pain. I like the way you expressed yourself. This has much potential and makes me think of the need to reach out to the young girls of our time who have many hidden walls of pain. I think if you expand on this it can be shared with many others who can relate in one way or another to their own inner past pains or present issues. Keep up the good work and never give up on your dreams and aspirations to write. If you touch one person through your words that is a fantastic thing. Your words have touched me. Thank you and I look forward to reading more of your writings. Never give up!
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