Review Requests: ON
133 Public Reviews Given
140 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will give the kind of review that I wish people gave me: rather detailed with emphasis on areas that need growth and areas that are pretty good already. And I'll review pretty much anything, whether a poem or an entire novel or anything in between. Admittedly, though, I do tend to be absent-minded, so it does happen that you might have to resend me the review request, but I promise I'll get around to it eventually.
Alternatively, if you ask, I can give you a scathing review with no fluff, if that is what you desire. However, in general, I'll give a polite, padded review.
If you're looking for a reviewer for your novel, I am open to doing chapter by chapter reviews. If that's what you want, please email me.
I'm good at...
editing Fantasy books. I've read more fantasy books than pretty much anybody, and I'm willing to read longer books including novels.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi, Non-fiction
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica
Favorite Item Types
Novel, Novella, Book
Least Favorite Item Types
Interactive Stories
I will not review...
anything with graphic descriptions of sex/war and retain discretion to not review books that fall too far outside my moral standards.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Freefall  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
Hi! I'll do this requested review the same way I do all of mine, from the top to the bottom.
First 4 paragraphs (Setting):
It's interesting, the way you phrase the start, it seems like you're the main character. Just a side note.
You have a really good starting 3 sentences before, once again, your tendency to write in the present tense jars me slightly. See, the thing about writing in present tense is that it gives off the impression that it's being narrated to a person real-time, like the reader is in the moment too, watching, not like a story which happened in the past. While this worked well for the flautist story, there's a couple of reasons it doesn't work as well for this story as for that one - the main one? The narrator dies at the end of it, so... the second one is the nature of the narrator. Unlike the flautist, this narrator is not nice nor personable nor even conversational. On top of this, there are a couple of sentences that are narrated in past tense (e.g. the third paragraph, the one about Etienne), which makes it seem even odder.
Your second paragraph seems rather disconnected within itself, each sentence a tad choppy. Choppy doesn't really match the emotion you're trying to give off, disappointment, which usually leads to run-on sentences, like mumbling, or nothing really said at all, not clear, well-phrased statements.
In the fourth paragraph, you have a minor grammatical issue that makes the statement mean something it shouldn't mean - "When I mentioned alternatives, adoption, and test-tube babies, the only feedback I ever received from her was ominous silence" - the underlined section should be "alternatives: adoption and test-tube babies", as the way it is currently has alternatives as a part of the set rather than the set itself.
However, you do set up a creative problem, which is quite good.
From "That's Santorini" to "...that a fight hadn't started between us":
Your extreme spacing does make parts far easier to read, but during dialogue it's very illegible. Everything that's said seems unconnected and clipped, and I'm sure that's not what you're trying to do with that.
"the enormous cliffs are breathtaking, from 11,000 ft." - shouldn't be a comma between breathtaking and from, but if you wish to keep the emphasis, you could use a "-"
"1,600 ft. high demolished the island" - first, woah! That's a massive wave. Second, there should be "that" between high and demolished
Nice job repeating the height, brings an element of foreshadowing.
Mmm, good emotion, a painful line. Painful lines are good writing. Also, good usage of exaggeration. Very personable.
Good research of ouzo, I'd never heard of it before, and good writing of drunkenness, not quite thinking straight while making him seem sane to himself.
From "Sunlight streams..." to "...apologizing for a long delay.":
Nice contrast with the bright - yet terrible - scene unfolding then, and accurate hangover description.
Second paragraph: oop- well, ok then, perhaps bump the rating up to 18+?
Tears don't taste acidic, have you ever tried them? Or maybe your tears taste different than mine, mine definitely aren't acidic...
"I stand there like a dummy..." this sentence parallels 'dummy' with 'big fool', but it seems overly repetitive to me.
Yoip, more hangovers... probably best to stay away from the alcohol, people...
Mmm, tactfully sipping his coffee quietly, what an interesting choice. Well, it works.
From "I said, "We will have a two hour delay..."" to "She went back to the bathroom.":
In this first paragraph, you give yourself a wonderful opportunity to use some really stinging descriptive language... and then promptly don't use it.
And then this dialogue - well, first you use an extremely similar descriptor twice - "her voice filled with venom" - mmm, good - "her voice filled with poison" - repetitive, disappointing, and a bit dull - and second, you have such an amazing opportunity to write emotion into dialogue... and then you just don't. I know people talk brutally reasonably with hatred, but his desperation and her loathing doesn't really come through, other than with her "whatever" at the very end. Am I perfect on that? Absolutely not, but it reads so dry and well, boring. (I know, I'm being too blunt, oh well).
From "I go to the bar..." to "...crawling in bed next to me.":
She sneers? That's very different than from how she's acted before, perhaps love does strange things?
What a reasonable fellow, that Etienne. I rather like him.
His life leaks away, you say, it wasn't already gone? Well, never mind, I won't argue with a good emotional statement.
Those last two paragraphs are some of the best work in this work so far, quite impressive.
From "At the first suggestion of daylight..." to "...just in time to meet the cab.":
Oh, um, ok... that's rather striking, good foreshadowing, I guess? The fact it makes me uneasy is probably good writing.
She's glowing, but is so cold towards him... hard to juxtapose in my mind.
How cold of her, noice.
From "When we reach the airport..." to the end:
Again, what a reasonable fellow, that Etienne. Well written.
Nice job making him speak drably, as that's very much how he feels.
So, you have some chilling words, great, just a suggestion - could you find a way to have your second-to-last sentence be the one that ends your third-to-last paragraph - it's so chilling - "She will finally have the happiness that she deserves." - that's a great summary to the work.
The end... well, ends, I guess.
Summary:
You have great character building, a relatable plight even though I've never experienced it, realistic emotions, a plot that kept me interested, and a reasonable character who I enjoyed, so, while most of my feedback is negative, don't take that as "this work was trash", take that as "these are where it could be tuned up even better", because remember: everything I didn't comment on was presumably pretty good already.
Thanks for sharing, don't take me too harshly, practice makes perfect, and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
2
2
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
You have a touching work here, one that somehow seems so ...accurate? real? personable? that it nearly seems, however unlikely, that you've done this before. Considering nearly certainly you haven't, that's an amazing knack, and even if you had, it takes talent to weave it so believably. I know there's certainly experiences in my life that I cannot do justice with by writing, but you manage to, somehow regardless of whether you've experienced it or not.
Anyhoo, your usage of the present tense is an interesting choice. I like my stories better in past tense, but that's personal preference. Just stuck out to me, not sure if you intended it to.
Well, at times it seemed a bit clumsy, but that seemed to enhance the narrator, so it might have been a nice touch.
At other times, it's a tad clunky, but nothing too out of place, so ok...
It's hard to tell which oddities were purposeful and which weren't, so I'd suggest reading your work aloud, that is, if you're still editing it. It's a rather old one, I see.
Anyway, I liked reading it, thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
3
3
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
Hi! You requested a review, and a review I will try to give, however difficult or nit-picky it may be, and this work is a difficult thing to review.
First, a good thing:
You use formatting really well to highlight well-chosen words throughout your poem. It really does add a lot, especially in drawing the reader to the most emotional lines, stressing it as if pleading, which gives a good effect that made it hurt more to read. Sure, the raw emotion of the piece is good, but your formatting really takes it to another level. I especially liked how you used a blunt highlighting for the father and a more delicate one for the mother, I thought that was a really nice effect. If anything, it seems to be a smidgeon inconsistent, but it very much does what it needs to do.
Next, something to improve:
The ending seemed rather lacking. It keeps the symmetry, 2 sets for each parent, but at the same time, I felt like it ended abruptly, like it could use something more. What came to mind for me was perhaps having a fifth paragraph where the narrator is speaking to both parents, ending with a haunting final line. I've read your work before, I know you can write haunting literature, stuff that I can't seem to forget for the next hour, and, well, being not blunt is not one of my strengths, the end... doesn't seem to wrap it up well. It's not a memorable last line, and again, it felt disappointing. But it's a fixable problem.
Again, a good thing:
Raw emotion comes through in the work, along with pain. You have a great sense for pleading, for writing in a way that sounds like how somebody really would talk, and I can read it easily to feel the emotion within. The desperation really comes through, and I hate reading it - which means you wrote it really well.
Another thing to improve:
Your lines are free verse. That's a choice, and you use it well, having a very conversational tone. However, where it runs into problems is the sharp difference in length of lines throughout the work. Some of the lines are really long, which threw me off as a reader, expecting some continuity that never really came. You don't need rhyme and rhythm, but even then, there's a certain amount of structure that makes it easier to read and decipher what you mean and what you're trying to convey.
A final good thing:
Your picturesque language, well... hurts to read. None of it is remotely cliche, so original, and yet still manages to bring across pain painfully. While it gets a tad awkward in places (e.g. "...your own young sap", a line which makes me wonder if there's some underlying scheme I'm missing), in other places it brings across a feeling I'm, sadly, far too familiar with, that feeling of emotional pain slicing you like a knife, strangely good, like revenge, but also one of the worst feelings in the whole world. Your words do it a whole lot more justice than mine. It- yeah, I hate to read it, and it's terrible that that's the point and even worse that your life has shaped you into someone who can bring it across so painfully well because you've felt it so often. Don't ever lose that gift. Some have said writing has kept them afloat through the worst, and you sure know what the worst feels like. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you how to help yourself through it, considering how long you've been dealing with it, but at least you have a healthy outlet.
A quick note that doesn't belong anywhere else:
You have this marked as, for the intro rating, E. Well, it's not E. (for whatever reason, I can't find the fuller rating, but if I were to suggest one, it'd be GC, which falls under non-E). This poem... well, wouldn't be pleasant to stumble upon when looking for nice poetry, because it sure isn't 'nice'.
...I've said all I've said. I hated reading that poem and rereading it over and over to get a good review, half because the poem was that good and hurt that much and half because somebody had to go through that and be able able to write such a poem... this world can be terrible.
Thanks for putting yourself out there to post it on here, don't lose this outlet (it's perhaps the best one there is), and I hope this site can be for you what you're hoping it'll be. Best of luck in your treacherous journey.


This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review, I guess.
Romans 8:38-39.
4
4
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (4.0)
Hi! This is a cool, practical quiz for a very comprehensive yet succinct item, that is, the guidelines, to help remembering, which is both practical, nice, and simple. Especially since it is multiple choice, the simplest form of quiz there is. (true/false is multiple choice anyway. two choices.)
However, perhaps the quiz is, dare I say, too simple and too practical. A quiz ought to make a person think, or, at least, when it doesn't, be humorous, and your quiz does not exemplify this. While it is succinct and easy, it is, perhaps, too easy, and doesn't engage the reader. A quiz should make the user think, puzzle a little to find the correct answer, and I fear some of your multiple choice questions are not up to that standard. The answers are too blatantly obvious, a "duh" around every corner. I was hoping for a little more intellectual stimulation from this, but no, the answers were obvious. As an example, Question 2 -
"Which of these is not a Key Characteristic of a great review?
honest
encouraging
respectful
well rounded
nasty "
Now, that's a good question, with good answers to remind, but the answer just seems so... easy. Question 8 is a more potent example of this, where it's a great question with so much possibility, but alack and alas, the answer is painfully obvious.
A minor quibble? Certainly, but a quibble nevertheless.
And another thing which came to mind - for the true/false answers - the answer was too often true and the questions aren't sneaky. Like, everybody likes a sneaky question, especially in true/false questions, but there were none of the sort, and that was disappointing. But anyway, what I was saying - the answer was too often "true", and that irked me. No tricks whatsoever!
Anyhoo, though, that was enough ranting, and I admit that the quiz serves its desired purpose adequately, to provide memorization and recall of the review guidelines, and is thus a success. Congratulations, I suppose. ...yeah, thanks for making it. Especially thanks for running this operation, keep it up, and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
5
5
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)
Hi! I usually only review works I liked reading, and your start of this work was really good, good enough to keep me reading to the end - which is uncommon for a newbie, especially one whose work seems unpolished, like a raw diamond, waiting to be cut - it has so much potential, it just needs a little bit more to shine.
I know this is quite a bit of trouble on here, but indenting your first lines of each paragraph would go a long way. Also, double checking quotation marks could be nice.
Your sentence structure could be a bit more varied. It's a lot of "she said", "he said", "he did", very basic. Also, hardly any emotion comes across, so... but it does work, I can understand it, which is good.
Anyway, yeah, I like reading your work, I hope you continue writing. We both know it's not perfect, but practice makes perfect, and I know I'm no perfect writer myself (...also, I haven't indented either. whoops.) Thanks for sharing, I hope you stick around, and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review of Metaphorical Stew  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)
Wow! These really are some spectacular metaphors and made me smile over and over as I read the work, and even as I reread it, it still struck me with the same humor as it just had. Very few works do that.
You call it incoherent near the top. However, the start is quite coherent and makes a lot of sense, it's only at the end it starts to diverge. Here, I've pulled out, into a dropnote, the part that doesn't really make sense -
Original, not very coherent text ▶︎
I know you feel obligated to use all these metaphors - and I'm all for it - but I feel like you could have sharpened this beautifully to not only use all the exquisite metaphors, but also make sense. Like with the first metaphor that doesn't make sense in context - "The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil." I love this metaphor, it just doesn't make sense - but what if it was instead this - "Their romance was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil. But unlike Phil, this one worked." I think (though I might be biased) that this maintains the integrity and humor of the metaphor - and makes it make sense too. However, that may not be what you're going for, in which case bear in mind this is only a suggestion. The next few sentences then also make sense beautifully, and then the one about Nancy Kerrigan could be used earlier, as it feels rather jolting where it's at. And the last paragraph doesn't really make sense. I'm not sure how you could repair the second-to-last sentence, but the last sentence could be, to be more positive - "John would always remember that day - he had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. He would never lose it." To me, that seems like a nice conclusion. It might not to you. Everybody reads things differently, and it's your work and your metaphors. Do as you wish with it.
Anyway, that was a lot of negative, and I'd just like to say again that I really liked this work, and it was my favorite work to read I've read in at least a week. It pleased me like a groundhog is pleased by not having to wake up in the middle of February. (welp, that's not a very good metaphor, oh well.) Anyway, thanks for sharing and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
7
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Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)
Thanks for this. As someone who has friends that struggle with this (and have some myself), it's really nice to see someone who doesn't just want awareness for it, but also puts up genuine solutions (or at least as close as they get). Thanks for putting this together (even though it's, as you list, your job).
Did I get much out of it that I didn't already know? Not really, but that's more because I experience it a lot, not because there's a shortage of things there.
You use formatting well, nice job! That's not very common.
I think the part I appreciate the most is your last point - to take care of oneself when taking care of others. That's probably what I have to tell my friends the most, and yeah, thanks!
You wrote this clearly and neatly, while remaining personal, whih is good writing. Thanks for sharing, hope you stick around, and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
8
8
Review of Day Dream  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
For a stream of consciousness thing, unedited, you have sparklingly clean grammar and mechanics, which is absolutely splendid, especially potential-wise, and really good picturesque language. In fact, if you hadn't put that it was unedited and raw at the top, I still would say this is one of the better short works I've seen from newbies, outside of poetry, especially in a story grain similar to this.
(also, your username is fun to say *Smile*)
Interesting, paperback from an old bookstore... I personally prefer hardcover, but sometimes paperback paper is really cool. I suppose that's a fun conversation *shrug*.
Well, yeah, your work is cool, I liked reading it. Seeing as you don't seem to want suggestions, I'll just leave it at that. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
9
9
Review of Blank Item  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)
Wow! Such technical excellence, not a letter out of place, each word formatted exquisitely, no typos to be seen whatsoever. How a mere mortal can conceive such a perfect work such as this is beyond me. Each sentence you have chosen conveys emotion like none I've ever seen before, each character deep as a well and realistic as a hamburger. Your prose is without compare, like nothing I've read before, and I've read a lot.
However, I have a few suggestions - could you increase the text size? The whole thing is hard to read, none of the words were easy to decipher. It could be tuned up a little in that regard, especially changing the color. How about to a nice aquamarine?
In addition, the plot seems a bit thin. Perhaps a bit more material before the climax?
Nevertheless, this work shows excellent potential, and the material is terrific. Splendid job, I hope you can create more of the like in the future, and thanks for sharing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of My Box  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
I read your poem. It is quite deep, and very picturesque language which is more than I've ever written.
It doesn't bother with rhyme or rhythm (good), so no suggestions there, imagery made sense, and it was readable. Seeing as it's a very "stream of consciousness" sort of poem, I can't really make many suggestions. I've read poems with more emotion, but a good amount comes through in this poem, which adds a lot.
Nice job, I wish I had more criticism but don't, thanks for sharing, and keep writing!
...I guess practice might eventually make perfect for reviews too...

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review of Never Fit In  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
Hi! This is a very relatable poem for me, as I too don't fit in. I surmise that's the reason most people go to writing, not fitting in or a similar problem, and I'm sure on here you can find quite a few other people who empathize with this plight.
It's a good choice that you decided to go with no rhyme scheme, especially with the subject of your poem, even clever. I've seen too many forced rhymes recently, it's good you don't feel that pressure.
I will say, this is a hard poem to read aloud, on the basis of a complete lack of rhythm, but that is personal preference. However, it's a good rule of thumb that, with larger lines, you should have a rhythm to make it easy to read. With really short lines or choppy fragments rhythm isn't necessary, but it still helps those too.
The main thing I was confused about, though, was the "you" that appears about halfway through the poem. Why is that existent and who is it? Is the point to get me to wonder that? In that case, you're very clever indeed.
But you write emotion well, which is hard to come by, and I liked reading the poem, and it was legible, which is also really good. It's not perfect, but everybody has to start somewhere, and I'm certainly no perfect poet (or anywhere near that) myself. Thanks for sharing, I hope you've found some solutions to this (although it's likely you haven't, considering how new this poem is), and I hope you stick around and keep writing.

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review of Dance  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.0)
Hi! I came across your poem in the Read a Newbie section, and I was quickly intrigued. You've chosen a subject here that has such high potential to make a splendid poem. However, while your poem is pretty good, it could be better (as could everything, though).
First thing: you're talking about dancing. This gives you the perfect opportunity to use a lilting rhythm and nice rhymes. I'll get to the rhymes later. Frankly, this poem is hard to read when it should flow naturally. Have you tried reading it aloud? Especially with poetry, that can help a lot with identifying which lines to tune up. For an example of a rhythm you could use, take these lines -
"Dancing is fun, it really is,
Watch me and I'll show you all there is."
The first line flows well to read, the second line comes across as clunky when paired with the first line, as your rhyme attempts to do. As an alternative, you could do something like (though this isn't great, it just illustrates my point) -
"Dancing is fun, it really is,
Here - I'll show you all there is."
You can see how it leads to a natural stress upon every other syllable in the second line, even though it doesn't look quite as nice. It simply illustrates the point. Or this -
"Dancing comes in different forms,
but to be honest, there is no norms."
The 'honest' flows weird, and accentuating 'is' is kinda weird. So, as an alternative,
"Dancing comes in different forms,
but to be frank, there are no norms."
Do you see what I mean? Your work looks nicer, but it doesn't read well when, with your subject matter, while you could have some lines read awkwardly, they should be deliberately and clearly awkward, not just weird phrasing.
But anyway, that's rhythm.
Your rhymes, you know what's a stretch and what isn't. You rhyme is with is, and rhyme count with groove, both of which are like "huh?". Perhaps that was just a simple oversight.
And then one more suggestion - you seem to have a great sense of drama with your first line, not seeming to rhyme with anything else. Rather than being an outlier, that actually accentuates it very nicely, a good effect. The problem is, you seem to have rhymed something with it in the conglomeration of a second line, which made me disappointed because you really had something with the unrhyming first line. For that matter, the first line doesn't need rhythm either.
Again, this is all suggestion, take it or leave it as you wish. But this work definitely reads like a newbie trying to write poetry and, while I'm not very good at writing poetry myself, I've read enough poetry that this one kinda stood out as being really hard to read right, no matter which direction I looked at it from. The words are good, but you're missing the flow, which is the most important part of poetry, by far, far surpassing good grammar and all that. Good grammar is probably a hindrance to good poetry.
Nevertheless, your poem still intrigued me, and despite the above-mentioned problems, you still managed to get emotion across, which is really good potential, and I feel you really could make something remarkable out of this work - because no matter how flawed a work is, it's still work, and practice makes perfect. And I've probably been too harsh through here as well. I've certainly read far worse poetry, and you at least seem to have a sense of what you want to write and how rhyme works and a desire to use it, rather than just throwing words around.
So, summary: you need flow. You have a good framework, but it doesn't flow. If you could catch flow in this poem, it would really sparkle, as it is, it's like an uncut diamond - doesn't look very good, but has potential... but if not used carefully, is still good for sharpening things. Practice makes perfect.
Thanks for sharing, I hope you do stay around, and keep writing!

This is a very rambly "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review of Winter Travels  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)
You have an interesting start that I would read on from, a nice cliffhanger at the end to hook the reader, and creativity to make your work stand out, which makes for a pretty good first chapter.
Your main character is consistent throughout the chapter, which is key. Nice job with that.
Your grammar needs some work, but I'm sure you already knew that. It does make the chapter rather hard to read, though, nevertheless, and mistakes are all over the place. I could provide some examples if you want, but especially around dialogue it is very messy.
Could you add a space between your paragraphs? That would make them easier to understand and less of a big block of text. That would have helped me enjoy the work a good bit more.
I noted your had some specific world details replaced with ___. Great! That is very much a second draft problem, it's good that you're not worried about perfection yet.
It's kinda hard to go more specific when it's so hard to read, but what I could decipher was interesting enough that, if you add more of this work to the site, I'd appreciate you letting me know so I can read further, as I liked reading it and would like to read on. Thanks for sharing, I hope you have a great time here, and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review. Feel free to join!
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Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)
This is a quite creative work, that I honestly expected to fall far short of the mark. While it's true that much of it is pulled from the classic tale containing the Grinch, nevertheless your work fits the tradition nicely and was a pleasant read.
I think the (Almost) in your title takes away from the work, especially the parallel between it and the original, which simply in the title states the grinch stealing christmas. It's like putting the ending on the back of your book - well, sure, everybody knows it'll happen, but that doesn't mean you should tell them that. No spoilers.
A couple of your couplets are a bit of a stretch, but they seem to work, so, yeah. "so mean, oh so mean" comes across as the biggest stretch, but it does fit the rhythm scheme, which seems to be a miracle.
Being extremely fickle with ellipses (...) it seems more applicable to use ' - ' where your ellipses are, but that's personal preference.
I liked that work, ...is it actually a book? If so, fun! Other than that, thanks for sharing and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review of Amen  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)
You bring a lot of emotion into this poem, pleading with its repetition for something you feel has been lost, and it does come across, really.
The poem isn't perfect, though, even though it could be. Most are just simple mistakes (a missing comma between melody and as, or Amen insists rather than Amen insist), but the second line, another "Amen", seems to stick out like a sore thumb, ruining the symmetry of the poem and seeming unnecessary, as if forced to get the poem to fit into 8 lines rather than 7. It really takes away a lot.
But I did like reading this poem, I read it more than once while reading it and still liked it, and it conveys emotion quite nicely. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

This is a very late at night "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
Hello! First, I see you're new, welcome to the site, but anyway, you really have a knack for phrasing things clearly (just like in your one about magic, which I ran into earlier, read, appreciated, but didn't feel as though I had enough to say about to review) and openly, while still coming along as conversational, rather than just stiff. You put everything out on the table, show politely how yours is right, and back it up thoroughly, which would be great if everybody did that.
Most of the typical critiques for literary works don't quite apply here, as it's more an essay than a story, but I do have one suggestion - could you use some formatting? The Arial normal-size font is very legible (my favorite font to read), but it does eventually get blocky without any bolding or italics throughout the work. Those would be a great touch in the headers.
But yeah, I liked reading that, it seems practical, thanks for sharing and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review of I'm Here to Help  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)
This is an enjoyable to read, creative work, well worth my time to review. It's just, frankly, good sci-fi.
One odd thing - it said he was a 911 operator in the 21st century, then we're in the 29th century, which is a bit of an unexplained gap.
Apart from that, it's a very clean work, not much to comment on, not much gaping adventure to gasp at, just technically slick. I wish I had more to say, but don't, so, thanks for sharing, it was a good read, and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review
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Review of "O"  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (3.5)
You start with a nice premise that drew me in, as a reader, and I wondered what you would do with such a strange letter, and it was interesting to read as well.
However, with such a short work, it's worth pointing out even really small faults.
First line: should be one's love, not ones love, but other than that, a great start, interesting
Second line: another good one, clean, interesting, creative
Third line: not very logical, perhaps 'outcast's heartbeat'? that would maintain the O start
Fourth line: I think you mean "ocean observed", but ooh, interesting
Fifth line: ...huh? that's just O words. No longer making sense.
Sixth line: 'overwhelmed, outmatched' would make sense. what you have is another "huh?"
Seventh line: out of place, but ok
Eighth line: "October outlasted"? that'd be an interesting ending, if cleaned up.
All in all, I was intrigued by the poem, which delivered on its premise, but it was hard to read due to little mistakes. Feel free to ignore everything I wrote above, it's all just suggestion, and being a very literal reader, it's likely I read over something important. But I did like reading this, thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
I can really read this poem out loud, first try, and it's fun to read, a good point, neat, and you even put in the time to format it on here, which is a really nice touch.
DISCLAIMER: if this is not intended to be a rap, you might as well disregard everything written below. I read it as a rap.
The line: "And I cry... "If only I could rise..."" doesn't really fit the rest of the poem. I mean, it's a nice line, but it doesn't match, sticks out like a sore thumb. Your other non-rhyming line fits because it's at the end, but this one feels like it needs a friend and a bit more of itself to flow within the rest of the poem. On fourth thought, maybe it makes sense, it's just jarring. Take what you will from that.
Your ending is really nice. ...yeah.
Hmm... what else... idk, I like what you did with this, it's hard to give suggestions because it's easy to make things fit. Nice job, thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

This is a slightly impressed "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)
Mmm, this poem exudes pain, longing... well, in other words, it's pretty good. It takes a cliche saying, a nice point, and turns it into something that hurts and is completely different - the essence of creativity. Nice job.
I'm rather confused by your line scheme. Why do some have three and some have four and some have five? There doesn't seem to be rhyme or rhythm to justify some of the line cutoffs, it just seems like personal preference, which unnerved me some while reading it. Would it be difficult to change it to all four lines, or is there some hidden message I missed?
This paragraph:
"Because some photos
don’t capture love—
they capture performance."
came across as jarring, like it didn't fit the rest of the poem's pained repetition and longing. Do with that as you will.
But I did like this poem, it was creative, and overall quite good. Nice job, thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)
I really like the way you've written this. It's not the most engaging, not particularly dramatic, not particularly trustworthy - just how most people would write. It's not often to find an author who writes how they talk, and rather refreshing.
I would comment on sentence structure... if not for the fact that it works and sounds realistic. It doesn't really detract from the story, and the narrator isn't really weaving a tale, he's more just journaling. Most people don't journal dramatically, and so, good.
Your spider picture is a strange page break. It's very striking, but not completely accurate with your descriptions of the spider from the story, I don't think. The story says it were rather realistic, I guess, but that's just a spider. Maybe I'm being too particular and used to my typical page breaks.
"...which I thought unnessary, but I had little choice." Ought to be unnecessary, just a misspelling.
Your last three paragraphs switch tense randomly in a way that doesn't make sense. Perhaps fix that? oh well.
All in all, coming from a non-horror reader, your work struck me as neat, cleanly written, and could be scary to someone who wanted to be scared, which is what you were trying for. Nice job, thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)
This work was easy to envision, a great suspenseful ending, some nice exposition, and quick enough that I would read the second chapter (well, if there was one, I see the contest didn't ask for one), which says a lot.
One thing did really stick out to me that you could have improved - your last sentence, your clincher, the suspenseful sentence - isn't formatted right. It's a run-on sentence, and in the most prominent place possible. Personally, I think it would look best on its own line, italicized, like
"...Jacob gasped, recognizing it instantly.
It was his father's hat."
It puts it out by itself, making it even more striking, without even changing a single word.
This sentence is clunky: "They never saw the body though when he died.". There are some different things you could do to improve it, but I'd say the best solution would likely be to read this aloud to yourself and see what's hard to read and/or clunky. I feel as though that could fix nearly all of the little quibbly illegibilities without me listing them all. Then again, that was the only thing I was really confused about reading, this paragraph. Perhaps it could be clarified slightly. How did stock farmers get ahold of artillery?
I did like reading this, and I would read on, although I'm not sure where you'd go from here. Perhaps that's the best type of writing. Nice job and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review of Malignancy  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (4.5)
Mmm, that is a nice poetry form, does drive the point home as you say. Some nice wording choices too.
A couple little suggestions:
First: capitalization. I know, I know, it's extremely picky, but wouldn't it look nice for your sets of three to only have the first one capitalized and use semicolons? I think it was mostly the capital W in "Words virally sprawl through the ether around." that I didn't really like the looks of. Very picky.
I like the way the form pulls back the line from the beginning to end it, that's a nice touch. Took me a bit to realize it wasn't an error in the poetry, but it's a nice touch. Perhaps just choose more... common words in your repeated phrase, the repetition of "inundating" was quite something to read aloud.
All in all, I liked the poem, and thanks for sharing and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review of Enchantment  
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (4.5)
You follow the form well, weaving something into a bare framework that honestly seems very hard to work with.
It took me a bit to figure it out, perhaps that was intentional, perhaps I should have read the subtitle first. Not sure.
Can't say I liked the feeling of this poem as much as some I've read, but I think that's more the style of the poem than the poem's fault, it doesn't really resound with me. To each their own.
You seem to work the style well. I don't have much suggestion on what to improve, it's grammatically clean to the extent that any critiques can only be subjective, so, nicely done and keep writing!

This is a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.0)
Seeing as I've already reviewed you, I can be a bit more blunt here, so less sandwiching.
Flashbacks: I love them. Flashbacks are a great touch, good for giving background, useful for basing the reader, just flat-out good. However, always italicize your flashbacks. Always. Not only does it give the reader something to go off of, knowing it's a flashback, it's also a lot easier to read and cleaner to edit. It's a nice flashback, by the way, just italicize it. With the new editor (I can show you how to get to it if you don't know how), it's just ctrl+i, same as a google doc or word doc or whatever you use.
Some clever work in here, a lot of dialogue, but very basic dialogue. Maybe I'm just reading it too late at night. I'm sure this work would read a lot better aloud than just on the paper. I can envision some of these lines reading it again having been said in a dramatic tone of voice, but it didn't really come across the first time I read it. Again, maybe i'm reading it too late at night.
Your work is very explanatory. I'm wondering if it will go anywhere. There is something to be said about the ineffectiveness of chapters which can be summed up in just a sentence... it's just too summarizable by "Inspector comes and wants to shut the school down. Perturbing." More detail! Intrigue! Something exciting! Inner-teacher drama! Your school is too prim and proper. Give some teacher strife, something to show it's falling apart, conflict, I don't know. There's just nothing there. (I'm being a bit scathing, but you get the general idea).
But again, I could read it, I got ahold of it, the characters made sense, all that, clean, neat, yeah. Legibility is nice.

This is not as dainty of a "The Power Reviewers Group"  review.
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