\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/simondoerr
Review Requests: ON
9 Public Reviews Given
12 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will give the kind of review that I wish people gave me: rather detailed with emphasis on areas that need growth and areas that are pretty good already.
I'm good at...
editing Fantasy books. I've read more fantasy books than pretty much anybody, and I'm willing to read longer books including novels.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi, Non-fiction
Least Favorite Genres
Romance
Favorite Item Types
Novel, Novella, Book
Least Favorite Item Types
Interactive Stories
I will not review...
anything with graphic descriptions of sex/war and retain discretion to not review books that fall too far outside my moral standards.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have a point, and your usage of repetition to emphasize said point is quite effective. I understood what you were going for and you had a quite convincing argument. However, there was a major problem. The capitalization is very strange, almost as if it is poetry. However, if so, shouldn't each phrase be on a different line? It made it rather hard to concentrate on. Other than that, it was exceptional, especially the amount of emphasis generated per word!

*Leafo*This review is a gift to you from "disABILITY WRITERS GROUP" Open in new Window.*Leafo*
2
2
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Ouch! The poem truly hits hard, the emphatic statement at the end not seeming out of place, encapsulating perfectly that moment when there's nothing left to do. I really enjoyed also how it doesn't drag at all, using not enough to make it long in the slightest while at the same time leaving nothing out. My only suggestion might be to use more creative words. Perhaps having a thesaurus at hand would help, because pretty much every word in that is very common. But this poem truly deserves the 5 stars i'm giving it.


*LeafO* This review is a gift to you from "disABILITY WRITERS GROUP" Open in new Window. *LeafO*
3
3
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Clever! I didn't see it coming until the ah-ha! moment, and that was really nice, especially for such a short story. However, one of the problems about writing a short story is that it all has to be really sharp. I think there are two areas where it could be improved that would drastically increase the quality of the literature. First of all, the title. A simple fix would be to put the 'and what came after' in parenthesis, but I think that there could be a better name than that. The other thing would be punctuation and spacing. While it's not nice to be a grammar Nazi on someone else's writing, I'd encourage you to be one on your own. With such a short (yet impactful) story, punctuation becomes integral to the flow of it. I know I'm being picky, but that's only because the rest of it was so good! Great work!
4
4
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice work! Congratulations on your first day on the site. I really enjoyed how you actually formatted! So many pieces on here don't have any formatting, and it was a great refresher to see one center aligned with a nice large font. It was also fun that I clicked on this as a person from America, expecting American football, and it brought a smile to my face to realize it was the other kind of football. As for the work itself, the vivid imagery really brought a great sense of emotion into the piece. It was concise but still packed with meaning, and I really enjoyed the brief time I spent reading it. Great job and I hope you have a great experience on this site!
5
5
Review of Lonesome Cabin  Open in new Window.
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow! I loved the mood, although it did get a bit too dark for my taste. That's just personal preference, though. I felt as though it was really interesting how you rhymed the endings of four lines in a row. I haven't really seen that much before, and it really added something to it. I would say, however, that the couple of paragraphs with five lines, you should get rid of one of them. They really messed up the flow and just seemed... wrong. Other than that, exceptional!
6
6
Review of Shine Far  Open in new Window.
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like it. It paints a nice picture and the figurative language is truly fitting for the type of poetry it is. A couple minor things: first, perhaps add some rhythm to it? It feels like there should be, reading it quietly to myself, but if one tries to add some rhythm as it is now, it feels very disjointed. Secondly, shouldn't there be a comma before 'it's only bliss'? That's just me being very picky, don't feel bad that you missed that one. Great job!
7
7
Review of First draft start  Open in new Window.
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really well written. I like your descriptive language and how the conversation wasn't just quotation followed by another basic quotation. My only suggestion would be to read it aloud to yourself. Some of the sentences don't quite makes sense, and I think reading this aloud to yourself would help catch some of the simple mistakes. Apart from that, it really drew me in while it lasted. Great job!
8
8
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice attention catcher! I liked your descriptive language and how you made his feelings seem palpable. There were a couple aspects of it, however, that diminished seriously from the reading experience. First of all, you switched verb tenses a lot. It would make it a lot more coherent if it were all in present tense or all in past tense. The other thing that could be improved was the choppiness of it all. There seemed to be little to no conjunctions, and it didn't flow smoothly. Overall, though, pretty good!
9
9
Review by Charles Nasby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! It was really cool how you took something pretty boring and normal, troubleshooting a computer, and made it into a downright impressive story. I especially liked your descriptive language, really pulling me into the story instead of just having plain dialogue. The double spacing also made it visually nice. All in all, great job!
9 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/simondoerr