This is a perfect example of a thunderstorm. I really like how you used so few words to creat such perfect imagery of this storm. I love thunderstorms and this just reminds me so much of why I love them. The imagery and language you chose invites the person reading into the thunderstorm. I love this! Great job!
This was an interesting read! I was expecting the joke to be on Cynthia but it looks like the jokes on Dan. That last part really got me. It made me wonder, where is she going and what will she do. I would love to see a little more elaboration on the details of description but overall it was good. If you decide to write more let me know!
What I think worked: your incorporation of technology ghost hunting app in the story. I love that you used something that is used in real life. This brings a lot of creditation to your story. Also I love that you have SIX as an answer and then RUN. Your description 'My adrenaline begins filling...' Is a great way to put the reader in your characters shoes.
What you could improve: the ending. I got confused at the end when you start talking about the phone calls and such. A little elaboration here might go a long way.
This really shows off your writing style! I love how you have very little clues as to the ending! I love that twist at the end as well. Going back over the story I understand more than I did the first time. It was a little confusing at first but if you push on to the end everything becomes clear! I really enjoy your style here! I didn't see any real errors that you could improve on either! Great job and keep writing.
Serenity to you and yours!
Piratess Dawniebelle
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