The only thing I could think while I was reading your poem was "What on earth would possess someone to do this to themself?" I know I would have gone mad.
You did a great job telling a remarkably coherent story with such an overwhelming self-imposed limitation.
I'm sorry to say it, because I know it's no help, but I honestly see no room for improvement. It is at the same time bewildering and absolutely hilarious. On top of that, you even manged to make it rhyme! I am in awe.
I really enjoyed this story. You did an excellent job of characterization. The plot was beautifully crafted. I was extremely surprised, and even disappointed, when Kiyrown died. The twist ending worked amazingly for me. I never suspected it.
You kept me interested in the story the whole time. I even caught myself, more than once, with my hand over my mouth and my eyes bulging. Excellent job of describing everything.
You also did a great job of changing perspectives and letting the reader see events from a number of different perspectives without confusing them. I barely noticed these transistions between points of view because they were so seamless.
I also enjoyed the "quote" at the beginning. It gave some background without taking away from the story.
A couple of suggestions: The crowed mimicked his nervous titer.
titer should be titter
the slim Performers shoulder
Performers should be Performer's
One more nights performance
nights should be night's
I am concerned this nights show may not be...
nights should be night's
This is definitely a five-star piece once those few small points are addressed.
You have crafted a gripping, touching, and poignant story. I love it!
Sihaya
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