While I don't read much by way of modern romance stories I did find this one sweet Loved the old fashioned views.
most of the issues is your use of , or replacing it with - or ( )
Her first single, Hot lived up to it’s name, a
Her first single, Hot, lived up to it’s name, a
I am assuming that Hot is the title of the song
She sang at coffeehouses before she was even thirteen, but by fourteen, she was playing at Madison Square Gardens, and The Hollywood Bowl and
You had her thirteen when she made the movie and single
“Thanks, I love your’s too.”
“Thanks, I love yours too.”
His parents had died (both sets) and he was alone
For a story doing the ( ) isn't usually done nit really sure how to word it though except to just take out Both sets the reader will get it
see- the owner of those terrific pipes- the
see, the owner of those terrific pipes, the
her in person-only in concert,
her in person, only in concert,
of her generation-he was a little
of her generation, he was a little
plus they are of the same generation so I'd also change her to their
voice-so melodic and beautiful
voice, so melodic and beautiful
Jake sat at his computer- shooting off a few emails, and finishing the scene he was working on.
Jake sat at his computer shooting off a few emails, and finishing the scene he was working on.
a stranger (that was adorable) complimenting
the ( ) thing again
a stranger , adorable stranger, complimenting
girl before- even at 25
girl before, even though he was 25
his tan shoulders (which she was imagining and not actually seeing)
his tan shoulders, which she was imagining and not actually seeing.
She had never seen anything like Jake Stewart before, but yet, somehow, she felt as if he was calling her-he had known her all along, and they meant something to each other.
She had never seen anything like Jake Stewart before, but yet, somehow, she felt as if he was calling her, as if he had known her all along, and they meant something to each other.
for staring-you’re just –well,
for staring.. you’re just..well,
I was loved<so I had to be good, and I had
I was loved, so I had to be good, and I had
OR
I was loved; so I had to be good, I had
her life-for reciprocity’s sake
her life, for reciprocity’s sake
this was dangerous- but she didn’t care.
this was dangerous, but she didn’t care.
“it’s been a few years for me-with you.”
“it’s been a few years for me with you.”
“So, does this live up to your expectations-after all that time?”
“So, does this live up to your expectations, after all that time?”
about it- for all intensive purposes… I just liked it.
about it, for all intensive purposes… I just liked it.
just drew me to it- and now I know- I was put
just drew me to it. Now I know, I was put
, and I was supposed to be here-so we could meet…”
, and I was supposed to be here, so we could meet…”
… I mean-we just met, but
… I mean, we just met, but
believe in it- I almost feel like we were once some famous romantic couple-reincarnated in this age to show people once again how to love or something.”
believe in it. I almost feel like we were once some famous romantic couple, reincarnated in this age to show people once again how to love or something.”
“You know what- I feel the same way about you.
“You know what, I feel the same way about you.
worth her time- someone that she could get to know.
worth her time, someone that she could get to know.
What’s your’s?” He asked, taking her small hand in his bigger one. “Angeline”.
What’s yours?” He asked, taking her small hand in his bigger one. “Angeline”.
So much of her life had been spent in seclusion- hiding away, and being alone.
So much of her life had been spent in seclusion, hiding away, and being alone.
So keep up the telling of your stories
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