enjoyable read but two lines gave me pause black on dark on night somethig just didnt sound right in that little bit and the there is no one to turn to or a name to shout.. something seemed off for me there. otherwise a good read.
very nice job.it flowed really well the shape of the poem though made it alittle tough for me to read causing me to reread it a few times.otherwise i liked the word choices and the imagery.again nice job
i am one of six kids and have many tales where one of us did something so wierd it forced horrible fits of laughter, and yes when you can do that you reach a new stage in the sibling relationship and you described it very well
intersting read. i am a little confused with the 3rd and 4th line. what is that saying about pain and memories..is it sying that since deep water isnt shallow that our memories are not pain?
enjoyable read. some minor problems i had with my read through.. IT starts with a wish then comes a dream.. i would say becomes a dream or then tunrs into a dream. also regret boast your mindas you taught down its hood.. i dont have any suggestions but this line was problematic for me. i hope these thoughts help you.
i liked the concept and how you stuck with your rhyme scheme. the sixth line messes me up as i read it. i think something more clear might be needed. i hope this helps you
A very nice sentiment for an old cooking utensil. i know i have on that i wond throw away just cause i feel it fts my hands just right. as for the poem itself i have to questions. why did you go from old skillet to ole skillet? and the end seemed stunted to me, some money well spent, now we'll use it. i just coulndt tell if they were buying a new one or saying never mind we'll keep the old one? i hope these thoughts help.
very true on all points.i think if you move it i a rite of passage up and put it under it is a life lessson leaving it will never last for ever on top of nothing last forever.it might make the nothing lat forever line stronger. hope to see more stuff
Interesting read. the ending seemed a little weak. i would suggest changing it to know your gone. and as a title maybe fickle love.otherwise i thought everything was great. hope this was helpful
short sweet and to the point. i too ake depression out by writing it away so to speak. i use to hate when people woud tell me oh thats depressing or dark or ... fill in the blank. good job
i found that to be quite funny. i ws expecting some horrible thing and got a really well placed pun.. then againim told i have a bad sense of humor. as far as zombies go i believe in hive mind potential. i enjoy your style and would welcome feedback on my undead carol
very good. i am not a fan of short fiction but you nicely told a story about an inperfect being seeing something perfect... but if our narrator is admititly imperfect can we trust there view of perfection? great job making it one of my faves.
I relly enjoyed this piece. it flowed very well when i rea it silently and aloud. the rhyme scheme works well and as for the scientific element its a poem and i think poems are used against science most f the time anyway. science can explain things but not express it. good job and keep the good work coming
these too were great. i loved the darkness of the blind line. and your right its a scary thing to think of. and i loved the end of the lunatic peom because it is true crazy is one of kind. hope to read more of yours
a good jon. i enjoyed your work.i had a little trouble trying to figure the best pace for reading it, but that could just be my own belief that poems dont sound good in my voice. keep up the good work
This seems really intersting.i could easily feel that there is a large world to be discovered. the style i found good for an intro or its own short story but i dont think it would work for a longer peice. i am assuming someone is lookng for Kareth and i would like to know whho and why. hope more follows
The story had excellent flow and i loved the humor. reminded me of the pain of taking golf in college and cursing god for creating such an annoying sport. now i know he didnt.
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