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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shrikey
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5 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Story 622  Open in new Window.
Review by Shrikey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is pretty good I think, although for an opening chapter it is quite confusing. If you're looking for tension, to hook the reader, you don't want to leave them with nothing at all, keep them in the dark maybe, but not so dark that they don't know where they are going. I would either put this as chapter 2, have a prologue to set the scene, or go through again and correct. Perhaps you might want to consider a time? it is not clear whether this is modern or futuristic in places, and there isn't enough sense of place. Where is he? The Arctic? America? Asia? And where is the story going?
However, great characters and your style is great. If I have missed anything, like that you have given a location, tell me, or if you think I've been unfair, or if you have reasons for doing some of the stuff I have picked up on.
Great chapter though, and you have an excellent writing style- I reckon that you could write some pretty good stuff.

Shrikey
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Review of Clare.  Open in new Window.
Review by Shrikey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Really good- I liked the way you kept the pace and tension. However, from a publishers point of view, although brilliantly written, it is repetitive, and adds nothing new as the monologue progresses.
If you can fix that though, it could be excellent.

Shrikey
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