I love this! This is an example of "writing with feeling."
I like that you wrote about (what I think is) a current happening.
Your descriptions of Hawaii and the lava flowing are so vivid. I have been to Hawaii 6 times and each time I am in awe of the love of the land and the spirit of love that engulfs those who are fortunate enough to walk the sandy beaches.
I grew up in Michigan and I know the fierceness and power of the wind - an F-4 tornado struck my home in May of 1956.
I love that you rebuilt your room into a tribute to the Islands.
I'm sure you will have many more trips to paradise.
I'm back in your poetry folder again. I found this bittersweet gem and would like to share some thoughts with you about it.
Please remember that these are only my opinions given in a friendly manner for you to take what is helpful.
FIRST IMPRESSION:This is a heart wrenching write that contains a message for the reader. The feeling that came over me as I read this verse was one of helplessness and hope. What you have delivered here is a powerful message that love rises above suffering.
PARTING THOUGHTS:I saw no errors in this. I have no favorite part...I loved the whole thing!
I found this love poem in your port and would like to share some thoughts with you about it.
Please remember that these are only my opinions given in a friendly manner for you to take what is helpful.
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is an intimate write that contains a message for the reader. The feeling that came over me as I read this verse was one of awe. What you have delivered here is a powerful message that true love happens unknowingly. That you can actually fall in love and not even realize it is happening at first. I have to agree with you and I base that agreement on my own experience.
PARTING THOUGHTS: I saw no errors in this. I have no favorite part. I loved the whole thing!
Hello Restless Soul,
I am in your port because of your review for me. After having read this story, I would like to share some of my thoughts about it in the spirit of friendliness.
Please remember these are only my opinions and take what you might find helpful for your story.
STORYLINE: This is a heartwarming story of a daughter's love for her ailing father. The reader is caught up in the touching relationship between the two. The daughter moves in with her father to take care of him during his last days. She paints a vivid picture of what her early childhood, teenage years, and adulthood is like in a loving relationship with her dad. She reads him a favorite story from her childhood a little each day right up until his last breath.
PARTING THOUGHTS: I saw no errors in grammar or spelling in this well written story.
Hello S.J. Wright,
I found your story featured in the Noticing Newbies Newsletter. After having read it, I would like to share some of my thoughts about it in the spirit of friendliness.
Please remember these are only my opinions and take what you might find helpful for your story.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Your beginning sentence grabs the reader's interest and holds it's grip all through your first exciting chapter!
PARTING THOUGHTS: I'm not giving away any of this exceptional story except to ask - When is Chapter Two coming?
I found this little gem in your poetry folder, and would like to share some thoughts with you about it.
Please remember that these are only my opinions given in a friendly manner for you to take what is helpful.
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a heartwarming yet heartbreaking write. A piece that is filled with emotion and leaves the reader wanting for a happy ending.
PARTING THOUGHTS: I saw no errors in this. I have no favorite part...I loved the whole thing!
I found this in your port and would like to share some thoughts with you about it.
Please remember that these are only my opinions given in a friendly manner for you to take what is helpful.
FIRST IMPRESSION:This is a remarkable write that takes the reader on a tantalizing journey while you put the ocean on your canvas. Here you have mastered the use of imagery -
Example:And I made the first hesitant brush stroke,
On a white washed canvas,
I split it with a line where everything begins and ends,
The horizon line,
And the waves whispered in my ears,
Telling these tired hands to paint,
PARTING THOUGHTS:I saw no errors in this. I have no favorite part...I loved the whole thing!
Hello writeur,
First of all I want to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
Now on to your review ~
FIRST IMPRESSION: I knew right away that I was in for an adventure with this write. I like how this story is narrated with such an easygoing and nonchalant attitude.
TITLE: The title grabs the reader's attention and fits the content of the story.
STORYLINE: This is an emotional tale of three young boys who were best friends. Two of them brought up by their aging grandmother with loving care, the other moved out of state, but comes back for a visit during the summer.
CHARACTERS: The characters are strong and the descriptions of them are good.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I saw errors here - But I remember it like it was last Tuesday,
But, I remember it like it was last Tuesday,
Whotcha wait en for Tommy?" Jess screamed.
"Whotcha wait en for Tommy?"
to take a dip in the pond leaches or not.
to take a dip in the pond; leaches or not.
SUGGESTIONS: I suggest an edit to correct punctuation errors.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: This is a good story and I enjoyed the great descriptive way you have of telling this story.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
ShiShad
Hello Alias,
I was asked by a friend here to read your story. Having read it, I would like to share some of my thoughts about it in the spirit of friendliness.
Please remember these are only my opinions and take what you might find helpful for your story.
FIRST IMPRESSION: You have chosen to write a story that some may have difficulty relating to. I like the fact that you have written about suicide and the cause of the friend's death in this intense write. It brings to light the grief felt by the friends and family left behind after a loved one choice to end his life.
PARTING THOUGHTS: I think you have an accomplished talent for writing.
I did see errors in grammar or spelling here - Eventually my friend and I left his sister's grave
Try a comma after eventually.
The shadow of his sister's death hanunted my friend
Here it should say - haunted.
And here- the event that had transpierd
Should say- transpired instead.
However, I'm going to give this five stars because of the message you have so remarkably conveyed here.
Thank you for sharing. I hope to read more of your work.
ShiShad
Hello Mr Zaborskii,
I am doing a Rising Star Member To Member Review for you. I would like to share some of my thoughts about your story in the spirit of friendliness.
Please remember these are only my opinions and take what you might find helpful for your story.
STORYLINE: This is an intriguing story about a very old grandfather clock that holds a secret. The narrator tells this story in a unique and creative way that is sure to grab the reader's interest from start to finish.
PARTING THOUGHTS: I think you have a remarkable story here. You have succeeded in getting the attention this tale is so deserving of. This is a well thought out and well written short story.
First of all I want to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
I enjoyed reading your poem and want to share with you some thoughts on it. These are just my opinions. I hope that you may find something here that is useful.
Now on your review ~
FIRST IMPRESSION: A remarkable write that stirs the readers emotions and draws their intense interest from the start to the finish.
TITLE: This is a good working title.
EMOTIONAL APPEAL: This has a very strong pull on the reader's senses of nostalgia and lost memories.
IMAGERY: Wonderful descriptions of newly found treasures in an attic!
STRUCTURE/FORM: This is a well written free verse.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I saw no errors.
SUGGESTIONS: I have no suggestions that could make this a better write.
FAVORITE PART: I have no favorite part - I loved the whole thing!
OVERALL IMPRESSION: This is an exceptional write from an author who is deep into his writing here.
Thank you for sharing this and good luck in the contest.
First of all I want to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
I enjoyed reading your poem and want to share with you some thoughts on it. These are just my opinions. I hope that you may find something here that is useful.
Now on your review ~
FIRST IMPRESSION: I could tell right off that this was going to be a "rollicking" rhyme.
TITLE: The title was appropriate, but so overused.
EMOTIONAL APPEAL: This has very good diverse ways to describe the comradeship among three young friends.
IMAGERY: The imagery is great and the use of the photo enhances it.
STRUCTURE/FORM: Written in traditional rhyme.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I see no errors.
SUGGESTIONS: I haven't any.
FAVORITE PART: My favorite part is here - Ingredients of the glue recipe:
Soap Box Derby, Little League, Jamboree,
OVERALL IMPRESSION: I found this to be a delightful write on an age old subject of chums grown close in their youth. I enjoyed the footnote at the bottom, also.
Thank you for sharing this and good luck in the contest.
Hello jaya,
First of all I want to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest. I would like to share some of my thoughts about it in the spirit of friendliness.
Please remember these are only my opinions and take what you might find helpful for your story.
Now on to your review ~
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a detailed story of a retired single woman who buys a home at the seaside to live out her senior years surrounded by the sense of old world charm.
STORYLINE: In the beginning, your story shows your main character, Paula, moving into her newly purchased home by the sea. The middle of the story solves the problem of two young boys stealing vegetables from her garden. She wishes that they give her their bicycle. They explain how much they need it , but will lend it on weekends and agree to teach her how to ride it. You end the story by Paula having her wish fulfilled.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I suggest that you drop the repeated use of the word often as it is used so many times in a row here - Often she sent just-picked cauliflowers, beats and turnips with Jim or Ricky or anyone who’d like to take some. Paula felt her social service instinct somewhat assuaged. Often, Jim, Ricky and their friends came in to help her as well as to enjoy a game of badminton. Paula often played with them.
PARTING THOUGHTS: A good story following the prompt you chose, well..
Thank you for sharing.
At your request, I am reviewing this poetry for you.
Please remember that these are only my opinions given in a friendly manner for you to take whatever is helpful.
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a terrific tribute to the women who fought to keep their households running during the times that only men fought on the battlefield. It takes the reader through the home life strife that women were exposed to in the past, up to the present day of women defending not only their homes, but their country too.
PARTING THOUGHTS: I would give some thought to dropping the and in the third line of the first stanza here. It would make the poem flow better.
I have no favorite part...I loved the whole thing!
First of all I want to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
I enjoyed reading your entry and want to share with you some thoughts on it. These are just my opinions. I hope that you may find something here that is useful.
Now on your review ~
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a real heart warmer. Writing from the dog's perspective has given this a stand out!
TITLE: I love the title. It fits well with the content of the poem.
STORY: This is the tale of dog's devotion to his master and his master's child.
EMOTIONAL APPEAL: This is filled with the affection and dedication an animal has for mankind.
IMAGERY: The picture really adds to the overall effect of affection between dog and child in this poem.
STRUCTURE/FORM: Well written in the traditional rhyming form of - aabb.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I saw no errors.
SUGGESTIONS: I have none.
FAVORITE PART: My favorite part has got to be -
The love that she gives me I will never forget,
though to her I may be just the old family pet.
From a dog's point of view, the job is no joke.
I took it to heart when ever my master spoke!
OVERALL IMPRESSION: A wonderful and well written poem about the devotion a dog has for a child.
Thank you for sharing this and good luck in the contest.
First of all I want to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
I enjoyed reading your entry and want to share with you some thoughts on it. These are just my opinions. I hope that you may find something here that is useful.
Now on your review ~
FIRST IMPRESSION: Melancholy feelings came over me as I read this amazing write.
TITLE: I love the title. It grabs the reader's attention instantly.
STORY: This is a tale about a seaman's daughter losing her father to the ravages of the sea. She still grieves over his vanishing and goes back through her memories of him teaching her the language and the knowledge of sailing.
EMOTIONAL APPEAL: This has great gripping power of stirring up the kind of excitement only a Pirate movie can do!
IMAGERY: Vivid images of the seaman and his daughter sailing the endless seas here - He was a tough and weathered man with a face like coral sand,
but he held a loving smile, when he took me by the hand.
To the fore then to the aft he would shout with thunderous glee,
and send me to the misty rails before the wind could flee.
STRUCTURE/FORM: This is a Traditional Rhyming poem. The rhyme is wonderful and the flow is consistent throughout.
SUGGESTIONS: The only thing I suggest is a change here - I am my father’s daughter and this was meant to be.
The ocean is my mistress yet a gentle loving friend.
How can a daughter have a mistress?
FAVORITE PART:This has got to be my favorite part -
Man the larboard spanker and chock the mizzen down,
then I would gaze in wonder and a silly puzzled frown.
Forward to the cathead and block the windlass stay,
and check the forward gunwale we haven’t got all day.
Words like bilge and binnacale and stow the forward yawl,
these are really seaman’s words, and some I don’t recall.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: A wonderful tale of a daughter's tribute to her father that is chock full of the language and adventure of sailing the endless seas.
Thank you for sharing this and good luck in the contest.
First of all, I want to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
Now on to your review ~
WHAT I LIKED: I loved this story about the late President of the United States - John Fitzgerald Kennedy, or JFK as he was so admirally called.
You have done a fine job explaining who the man was and describing his personality. You've gone into remarkable detail showing the reader the importance of this man both publicly and privately.
STORYLINE: You've followed the prompt you chose throughout your storyline from beginning to end. You start your story with a statement that your character continues to live in the hearts of people, then describe in detail the reasons why he was so popular, the events leading up to his assassination, and what followed.
GRAMMAR: I see no errors here.
Perhaps a comma should be used here - material trappings(,) but from a reaching out personality
I like that you started and ended your story with the same three words.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: This is a wonderful tribute to a president who was loved by so many people worldwide.
One that is sure to linger in the minds of the readers and bring back strong emotional reaction to that fateful day long ago.
First of all, I want to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
Now on to your review ~
WHAT I LIKED/DIDN'T LIKE: I like how you've followed the prompt you chose throughout this write. You've taken the reader back in time to a slower and much more peaceful world. This is a well written free verse that is filled with great imagery and takes us on the journey with you and your dad.
You will, however, need to start and finish your poem with the same three words as is stated in Rule #6 of the contest.
FORM: This is a well written free verse.
GRAMMAR: I saw no errors.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: A poem that enhances the reader's senses and takes them back in time to a place with a slower pace.
First of all I want to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
Now on to your review ~
WHAT I LIKED: It should come as no surprise that I loved it! You have managed to write another outstanding poem following the prompt you chose so well.
You've started and ended your write with the same three words. Using the prompt picture to enhance your poetry.
FORM: An exceptional example of the Traditional Form using an aabb pattern of rhyming. This flows wonderfully all the way through.
GRAMMAR: I see no errors.
OVERALL IMPRESSION A well written poem that grabs the readers attention from the very start, and grips their heart with it's magnetic magic of words from a superior and most avid storyteller.
Good luck in the contest.
ShiShad
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shishad
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.14 seconds at 5:03am on Nov 08, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
