I only read this chapter so far, but I am interested in reading the others, so I'll likely be checking in again.
I really liked the feel of this story. A young man who already knows what he wants to be and is pursuing it even in the face of being picked on by his friends and brothers. A lot of interesting personalities here.
Some thoughts (do with them what you will):
I would like to see the scene where Daniel first got to teach expanded. Why wouldn't the other students not pick on him for trying to teach or rebel against another classmate trying to lord over them? Also, his friends seemed more like bullies. Perhaps there could be some more banter between them to lighten it up?
In any case, it is an interesting read and I will look into reading more.
Flash fiction is certainly a fun challenge. It is not easy to condense a story down into something short and have it still pack the same punch a full length story would have.
First off, there is a lot of love in this story. I see the survival of a mother and son and that the mother is willing to stand in the face of anything and take it on as long as her child is safe and secure. That is a beautiful thing.
What's missing for me, though, is drama. As a reader, we come in after everything has already happened. This story is the denouement, the descending action. Even if you don't want to change anything with this flash fiction, I would like to see a version of it while they are still in the midst of the storm, holed up in the bathroom. A mother and son struggling to survive in the face of watery destruction and her trying to make him feel safe when they are really not safe. Just a thought.
Very interesting. Short with a powerful image: A large, bright star lords over his space and by the end is nothing more than a stone that gets tossed aside. Oh, how the mighty have fallen!
One particular gem from the story: "It began with the failure of its molten heart. The long ages of roaring energy had taken their toll..." This is where the story began getting interesting for me. Previous to this is was a lot of pretty language to describe some space phenomena. This personification is awesome. I started to picture this star as an aged king whose time has passed.
Based on the conclusion, I feel that your point was to show the transitory nature of life and the universe, that status can change one day to the next. Or, maybe even that in the moment, we don't know the fullness of the history of the people and things we come into contact with.
I think there is a lot more potential here. The good stuff starts to happen when the star begins to die and the story moves down to earth or some planet where it gets to interact with humanoid life. I was wondering if the shard of the star's heart still had some consciousness, how would the great king feel at being tossed aside? I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I half-expected someone to pick up the rock and make a necklace or something and that maybe they would take on some of the life force from the star. But, that's my imagination getting carried away... :)
Anyway, keep on doing what you do. Thanks for writing and sharing!
Sheila
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