Well that was... completely unexpected. You gave some excellent visual imagery, the horror, and yet it was just a tad funny. Your use of "you" instead of he/she/I was interesting. I didn't think I liked it, but I quickly started reading it as if it was a more common POV. I also thought your portrayal of young male reasoning and verbal responses were very apt. Thank you for the story!
So I'm guessing this was written by and aimed at men. That said, I am female and did get a bit turned on reading it, so well done. It describes the physical very well, such as her "soft hands", etc. I think the author could have gone into the characters' heads a bit deeper, for example, was he super nervous about this very important meeting, was sex usually missionary style boring for them, etc. Though I see this is a chapter, so these things may very well be dealt with in another part of the book. Another thing, for me at least: a bit of suspense, some build-up would have been appreciated, things I'm under the impression are a huge part of erotica. Again, may have happened in the previous chapter. Thank you for the story!
This story evokes an emotional response very well, well done. I also really admired the author's skill with writing flashbacks, which often easily lose my attention. These told a story and kept my interest. I also felt like you got into the main character's head very well, eloquently explaining where he was in life and his motivations.
An idea: An impossibly handsome doctor would be so easy to fall for... perhaps it would be more interesting if he were not that great to look at?
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shayemarlow
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 4:01am on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.