First off, I'd like to say that I really enjoyed this story. It's short and sweet, cute, funny and a thoroughly enjoyable read. There's some lovely little twists in there, and some nice pieces of description. Also, the characters are very well done, and even the ones that only make a momentary appearance are very well rounded, which is something that a lot of writers fall into the trap of not doing, so well done there. It's obvious that you've given all of your characters a lot of thought, even the ones that we only see for a moment or too, and that's the mark of a very well developed story.
There are a couple of suggestions I'd make generally about your writing, which, even if you don't want to re-work and re-develop this one, should be useful to you in the future. The main thing I'd say is that the way you word things is sometimes a little too elaborate or contrived. Don't get me wrong here, I'm a really huge fan of descriptive writing. That's not really the problem here, although some of the physical character descriptions are a little unnecessary, they're not overwritten, and that's a very good thing. A lot of writers are tempted to try and tell the reader every little thing about their characters, when really the reader isn't involved enough in the story enough to really care yet, and that can be a really big issue. It isn't a trap you've really fallen into here, and that's a good thing, although you may want to keep an eye on your character descriptions to make sure that you only have them when absolutely necessary, and keep them short and sweet. As a general rule of thumb, the kind of anecdotal things that a character would notice are what paints a character in the readers mind, not the physical descriptions of them. For this reason, I found the description of the captain far more interesting than the description of the doctor at the beginning, if you see what I mean. We're given a description of what the doctor actually looks like, which is all well and good, but the lines about the captain being dressed in reams of purple velvet, and the unique voice he has in the story (which is another way in which you're written your characters very effectively, and isn't very easy to do) paints a much more immediate picture in the readers minds.
The main thing I would say about the elaborate or contrived elements here, is that it's the actual tone of your writing that's getting in the way here. I once read a very good article on how to write fiction that said that the writing itself 'should be transparent'. I gave that one a lot of thought, and I've come to realise that he was right. His point was that your readers are there to read your story, not to read the writing itself. You need to get them to 'fall through the page', to encourage them to lose track of where and who they are and mentally inhabit your storyworld, and because of that, anything that draws attention to the fact that they're actually sitting there reading words, and not a part of the world, causes a problem. In short, it reminds them that they're reading a story, and not actually there seeing these things themselves, which is what a writer really wants to achieve. It's not so much that huge reams of description get in the way and cause the reader to 'jolt out' of a story, but more that the tone in which a story is written should be natural and easy so that they don't even notice it. Storytelling is originally an aural art form. It's something that's made to be heard, and even if your readers aren't physically hearing your work, they're reading it in their heads as they go along.
Let me give you a couple of examples from the story that will hopefully show you what I mean. Take this section here:
“Wow”, he uttered and the sentiments popped out across the corridor like bubble rap as other crew men and women absorbed this startling vista.
Take a moment to read that to yourself. Try reading it out loud. It doesn't sound natural, does it? It doesn't just roll off of the tongue. It's not written as you'd say it, and because of that, you're aware that you're reading something that's been constructed. That's the problem, because that's the point at which your readers realise subconsciously that they're not really standing there next to Meiko as he looks out of that window at the millions of coloured stars, they're sat in their living room reading words off of a computer screen. It's not what you're saying that's the problem, its just the way you're saying it.
Try reading this instead:
“Wow,” Meiko whispered, the word echoing down the corridor like popping bubblewrap as everyone around him looked out into the stars.
Now try reading that one out loud. I wanted to get a pretty accurate alternative to what you'd written, and didn't spend too long on it, so it isn't perfect, but you should see how much more easily that second sentence falls off the tongue. It makes you think about the view these people are seeing and their emotional reaction to it, instead of forcing you to concentrate on the words that are there.
That's the main point I would make with this story. As I said, you may not want to go back and re-work this one, but if you bear that in mind in the future, then your writing will become much more fluid, you'll allow your world, and your brilliantly created characters to shine through, and you'll become a much more effective storyteller.
There are another couple of smaller points I'd like to make, since I'm here and all. Again, you may not find them useful here, but they may be of use in the future. The other things that occurred to me while I was reading this was that, although it's a very nice story, and very well told, it does take a little while to get going. I realise that the action isn't really the focus of this story, but even then it doesn't hurt to start with a bang to get your readers' attention and drag them into the story, forcing them to read more whether they like it or not. In this case, it could be as simple as a couple of lines of snappy dialogue between Meiko and the doctor right at the beginning to replace the piece of description about him waking up. It's an unfortunate product of modern living that if you don't have your reader by the balls from the first sentence, then a lot of the time they just stop reading, so it's important to start off with something that grabs hold of them and lets them know how great this is going to be. That way, they'll put up with a lot more description and explanation later on, because they already know that they're reading the kind of story where things happen. If not, they're left reading a story and thinking “Is anything happening yet? Why is nothing happening yet? When are things going to start happening? When is this going to get interesting?”
The last couple of minor points is that this could really do with a couple of proofs for grammar, punctuation and spelling (I noticed you spelled Meiko as Maiko at least once). It's boring, but unfortunately it's a necessary evil to make sure your story is as great as you can get it before you hand it over to someone else. It's just showing a little pride in yourself and your writing that gets passed onto the reader, and makes them take you more seriously from line one. And, the final thing I'd say is that I think that this story could have done with a little more time and/or substance when it comes to Meiko and Loola's relationship. Because this relationship is at the absolute centre of the story, we really need to believe in it. It's kinda like Anakin and Padme in the three later Star Wars films, you know? Because their relationship is the fulcrum on which the whole story rests, it really, REALLY needs to be convincing, and I didn't quite feel it was given enough room to breathe here. It was almost as if you started off talking about Meiko waking up, which you really enjoyed doing, and then rushed through him meeting Loola so that you can get them back to his room and get to the ending that you have planned out and you're looking forward to. It wasn't badly written, or anything, it's just that we didn't really get a sense of real affection, or attraction, between them.
I get the idea that the story would have benefited from another scene or so for them when we really get to see them falling (either in love or in lust) with each other. We need to be shown how they're feelings develop for one another, not told. That way, by the time we get to the end of the story we don't only care about the two of them as individuals, but also for them as a couple, and the ending will have a lot more impact for it.
Anyway, I think I've gone on more than long enough. I hope I've brought up some ideas that you find useful, because this story is genuinely really fun and interesting, and the characters are brilliant and entirely believable, and that's a huge achievement. If the tone in which it was written had just been a little more transparent, I would have been so drawn into it that I really don't think I would have noticed anything else.
So, when do I get to read more of your work? Soon, I hope. 
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