This seemed a little generic. I didn't understand the "stranded path" reference - how exactly is a path stranded? And your other phrases just sound like cliches. What specifically about that moment of solitude separates it from everything else? There are sunbeams and breezes, rushing waters and bird songs pretty much every where you go. What specifically made that moment worth writing about? Trust yourself enough to write the truth instead of hiding behind cliches and generic sentiments. I would love to see what you write when you stop playing it safe.
I wasn't popular in high school. I wasn't unpopular either. I just was there. I was fortunate. I had a lot of friends because I have a damn good sense of humor and I genuinely like people. Those are both good traits to have if you want to survive high school. After I graduated, one schoolmate wrote me at college talking about some of our friends, then actually apologized for writing about them since I never cared about high school anyway. I ran into a guy I went to school with in the bathroom of the local Pizza Hut, and he was surprised I remembered his name. Seriously.
I never had a real problem with high school. I just wasn't all that into it. My father constantly tore me apart, telling me what a f***ing idiot I was, what a loser, how lazy, how disappointing. He was bigger than me and sometimes struck me, although he mainly just liked to yell at me. He was a total f*** of a person. I'm not gonna go into more of it, other than to say that when he finally died, I didn't go to the funeral. I have never regretted it. I would have been a hypocrite if I had attended a funeral for a creature I am glad is dead.
There are a lot of rules when it comes to writing. There are a lot of rules to writing poetry.
But it all boils down to being honest enough to write down what you actually feel.
You will escape the monster. Some of the damage he's done will never fully heal, but most of it will. And you will escape.
I thought it was simple in a very good way: clear and honest, cutting to the heart of your loss. I would have given it a 4.5. But the last stanza/verse/line ruins the poem. I keep trying to figure out what you meant. Your love hurts, but only you? I apologize for sounding stupid, but I don't know what that means. You broke the rhythm but it doesn't make any sense, at least to me. I loved the poem until the last two lines. Would you mind making it clearer? I think this has the possibility of being extremely powerful.
While I agree with the sentiment of this piece, it read more as an introduction than a full essay.
Gossip can be very hurtful, not just to those who are being eviscerated but by those who revel in their pain.
You write very well, but I think this would be much stronger with examples. I also think the Bible verse should be the first line, and the entire focus of the piece should be on the results of the choice between choosing to lift people up and choosing to tear them down.
This is a very good starting place. I'd love to see where it leads you.
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