This very touching, so heartfelt. It could be a mission statement for Save the Children, Stamp out Hunger, the Red Cross or any number of organizations out there. It certainly caused me to reflect on my good fortune and to think of the millions out there with nothing. I saw no room for improvement. This message is very clear.
Nixie. What an amazing story. You portrayed your characters through action rather than telling. You engaged me from the beginning and caused me to care for Alexandria and her unborn child. Just like Alexandria, I wasn't sure how to feel about Becky. I was happy to find out she is a good person. You had some suspenseful moments and enough questions to keep your audience interested. There are a few suggestions I'd like to offer. When you write of Becky's mood changing, maybe you don't need to say "mere hours before" and "midday." Maybe use one or the other. When Becky 'blows up' Alexandria's story, it would be more immediate if you don't mention 'riding the bus to the last stop' if there's nothing significant about 'the last stop'. As for Alexandria's mother's reaction, that can stand alone away from the bus ride. When Alexandria says "my part. Or the baby's. It would flow better as 'my part, or the baby's.' There was one typo, "by backpack," instead of my backpack. Otherwise, this is an excellent read with strong characters, a great plot, and enough suspense that it could become a series, or at least have a sequel. Thank you for sharing.
...this piece flowed with so much rythmn I could feel it...truly...I didn't have visions of a garden...but I pictured trees with branches hanging...moss and mist....distant drums and voices carried by breezes...I didn't find a need for improvement of any kind...I enjoyed it...great job...
I enjoyed this article very much. It was one of the most in-depth articles on query writing I have ever read and it was concise. There was nothing drawn out...yet there was great detailing on the subject of queries. The examples were perfect. I was going to just glance over this article since it was after 1am when I started reading but it got my attention and held it and I will actually use it as a guide many times as I write queries...thank you...
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