Wow, what a sad story. It is a scene that is played out, day in and day out, to the wounding of so many families. This story is so realistic and full of raw emotion and despair. Even though they were characters in a story, my heart went out to them. They all had dimension.
your writing style is smooth and flows easily, without distracting . . . the first person voice gave this story added strength. The woman seemed real. They all did.
Very interesting, well written and disturbingly erotic. Good job.
These are the very images I entertain in my mind; have we been here before and known our loves in other lives? I have just witnessed two young couples go from being introduced, to marriage plans in the flicker of an eye. After knowing many others, in both cases, they appear to have found "The One."
Your words have captured these experiences and describe them beautifully. I am a novice at poetry, but I know what I like. I like this poem!
Really scary. I actually know someone that had a very similar experience in real life. The story caught my interest immediately and held it throughout. Very good writing, fast paced, concise and interesting. That would be a night not soon forgotten!
I read through this twice and find it quite interesting. The story is a great vehicle for expounding on the problem of "society's" expectations, but the kicker comes in at the end . . . being Tom Cruise must be a trip in itself.
I really enjoyed this story. With a little editing and a bit more work, it can really be something.
An inspiring poem that instills a sense of hope and pleasant anticipation. In essence, it is hope that gives most of us the will to go on, especially through mundane or bad times. Kind words and sweetness, powerful in the seeming ever present darkness of this world.
The poem also leaves one with a sense of mystery . . . is it about hope, or something else? nice work.
Written in the first person, this writing style allowed you to give your character actual personality. Perhaps not nearly to the level of Catcher in the Rye's Holden Caulfield, but it puts you in mind.
The story is especially relevant in that it deals with the phenomenon known as Facebook and the possibility of meeting someone significant online. It happens every day . . . it is the desired mode of meeting and courtship among the younger set these days.
It would be good to flesh out the main character even more . . . did she previously know of her attraction to women, or did Irene simply stun her and open her eyes to who she is?
I liked the reference to shoes and Charlottes Ruse; it is a virtual impossibility to have too many pairs of shoes; clearance sales are what so many of us live and breathe for . . . perhaps I've just made an overstatement, but most of us can relate!
All in all a good start. I look forward to reading more.
In a serial work, I like the possibility of a main character's death to be a possibility. Like in an episode of 24, if Jack Bauer was killed off, it would lend suspense to the remaining episodes by making them far less predictable.
As for tragedy, real life contains more tragedy than any of us care to think about. It has its place in prose, but does not have to be contained in every work. There is also a place for feel good stories. it all depends on where you want to go with it.
People cheating death can be cliche', but it too is realistic in that it happens every day. It is difficult to rate a request for opinions, so I'm going to rate this a five. Good luck with your projects.
God is love! I really enjoyed this little poem, because it says so much. There is nothing like enjoying a good cup of coffee, with a good and cherished friend. Dogs as a sign of God's love? Absolutely! They are the most noble creatures on the planet. The marks they put on our hearts are indelible. Too often people look for God behind a jumble of dogma and miss out entirely. Your poem is thought provoking and uplifting; the title "God's Work" is an apt description. Very nicely done.
Fifty Shades of Grey didn't hold my interest; this story did. It really has a surprise ending . . . Michael was not a creep.
I live right in the middle of north Dakota's oil boom. many of the things women have been subjected to (evening news) are disturbing. I found the premise of your story disturbing. Women being exploited through coercion is realistic, yet it was difficult for me to believe these women would go for such a threat. Difficult, but not impossible.
There is something very "naughty" about the thought of paying off a debt, with a stranger in that way; therefore, it is sensually stimulating. We all have our little kinks and crevices.
I really liked this piece. The dialogue was believable. Somehow, the story seemed slightly wordy at times, but skimming back over it, nothing really jumps out at me. I would say you are definitely an up and comer. I look forward to reading more of your work. Good job!
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