I like to think of poetry as 'songs for the deaf' when it's done right [a little Queens of the Stone Age to guide me through life]. This certainly speaks to that, dear! As your fellow hypersexual, I appreciate the simple sultry romance in your verses. Your rhymes don't seemed forced, which is refreshing. Reading this was like slipping into velvet instead of leather for a change.
Hmm, I'm glad you steered me this way. Please continue. I find myself anxious to know what happens next. This one is quite good. I can't really think of anything critical to say, actually. I love the whimsical-faeries-n-naked-witches-n-wishes-n-things thrown in with, like, this guy's 360 and all his modern effects. Oh how lovely.
Man, Ouija scared the crap out of me a couple times in my younger days....looking back it seems like it could have been my friends messing with me. Excellent little peice here. Might even be my favorite so far, despite how short it is. I got goosebumps.
Bravo, sir! I absoloutley love The Who. One of my all-time favorite bands, I'll tell you that much. And my, your imaginiation just gets...what was it? "Curiouser and curiouser." I'm jealous, a little, I think. My only complaint is that you don't take these things further. Your endings lack the luster that shines on every inch of the rest of your stories. I've only read three of them, mind you, but I'm already becoming a fan. Again, well done. I'll be reading all your things at some point, I'm sure.
You're a real peice of work, you know that? And I mean that in a not-so-bad way, of course. This story was overall enchantingly dark. Morbid little ending...but wouldn't it make sense if one of the characters had gone back to tell the rest of the characters about the drive-thru window as an escape route? Although I suppose fear of the crazy guy in the white Suburban could have driven them to GTFO ASAP, as they say. Dialouge was a little confusing in some places but eh, I don't even care right now. I take it you've worked in the food industry before? Sure seems like it. Good story.
This is not the type of story I typically enjoy, but overall the story itself is a good one. However, I was made to feel as though you'd written this in a hurry and...possibly you didn't bother to proofread? There were some grammatical errors, sentence structure was shoddy in some places, and often I found myself confused as to what tense the story was being told in. As I said, your story is good and your imagination is undeniably vibrant, if a little disturbing [never fear, I like 'em that way!]...perhaps you could find someone else to proofread your things for you? I find that most of the time, others will catch our errors before we cath them ourselves. Keep writing dark stuff! It's way more fun that fluffy romantic comedy, don't you think?
Very rewarding read. I'm glad I know what Flash Fiction is now, haha. I'm glad you were the first writer I found on this website...I've only read two of your entries and I already feel better about having joined. I've decided to follow you as a favorite author. This essay really helped! Thanks!
I would really like to know where you got the idea for this story. It's really awesome and I feel lame for not being able to come up with a better way to say 'really awesome'. How often do you write short stories? I'll bet you're also a fan of dark humor, aren't you? Well done...[insert supreme resounding applause here]
-N
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