This story is AMAZING. I am getting ready to read the next chapter. It's better then Eragon if you ask me, plus my mother would LOVE for me to read something like this.
What I liked: I liked the way the characters interacted with one another. You seem to have a way with making the characters 'talk' out their feelings in words.
What I didn't like: Your story is a bit jumpy. It jumps from one thing to another. Try to contain one paragraph into ONE paragraph. For example:
"So, ignoring him I went into the garage and finished my cigarette"
What is this about? Is this truly needed? In the beginning of the story, you never mentioned about the character smoking a cigarette. (COOUGGGHH..they're bad for the poor character anyway! =))
Setting Rating: **** OKAY. The setting didn't exactly give me a picture in my head, but thats alright.
Plot rating:******* Great! I found some parts of this ever-reading plot very funny. Good job!
Character rating: **********
The characters are well thought out, and perfectly well formed! Now, try combining this skill with the rest of you're writing and let you're characters develop for themselves.
Style rating: ******** Great.
You have a very nice writing style compared to: Gary Paulsen.
Encouraging help: Try writing more, and studying different types of work. Also try improving scentence structure, and search for detailed words.
Handy Tools for you:
Get out that thesaurus!
Praise: You're a great writer, and don't let anything discourage you! No one is perfect! ;) Write on!
What a great story! I'm going to recommend it to my friend Jess. She'll love it! Is this book in bookstores?
I want to read more,more! You should continue writing! Your a great author! Is it possible to get the rest of the chapters? I'm itching to read it.
Thanks for sharing!
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