I figured I owed you a review, so lets get to it :)
Pros
I like this premise. It seems like you have put a lot of thought into your dragon society. Just from the first few paragraphs, a lot of the history and hierarchy of the society comes through. The premise alone had me hooked. I could tell there was more interesting interactions between the pups coming. Conflict was being set up. Good Job!
Cons
The first part of this story is mostly exposition, which isn't bad per se, but as a beginning of a story, it is mostly avoided by other authors. I think you (and by the way these are only my opinions :)should weave the exposition though out the story. Let it come about naturally. that will also make the readers wonder 'why are they acting that way, or what's the purpose of this' a little mystery keeps the reader engaged. I also think you could jack up the tension with the birth scene in the beginning. Births are crazy, chaotic times. Focus on that. maybe have the mother lash out in protective anger or lament the failure of the ember passing. idk something like that, I feel like the scene is missing a little emotion.
I hope this review helps and keep up the good work!
T.C.
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