I think I get the idea though it is very hard to critique poetry because the use of obscure language may be part an parcel of the point. Obviously you are pouring out your heart to the Man you love. You are in pain because either the love is not returned or some impediment to love or hurt is afflicting you. We have all been in this situation and you have expressed it so that we too feel it.
Some wording suggestions:
1. do you mean breath instead o breathe
2. Those tears that seize me away repeating experiences all over again through perpetuity. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
3. ..utter resentment of the wetness carried fl;owing over them
Good story, character development, nice job on the visualization and color. I'll get back later with a few editing suggestions which could make it flow smoother so grammarians like me wont get hung up on the word usage and can stay focussed on the nicely developed plot. I'm getting sleepy so I'm just sending the rating without the
suggestions.
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