Hmm.. I just noticed this isn’t on the review list for the workshop? Oh well, I read it anyway, so giving you a review. =)
Plot: A man is chased by wolves. When he gives in, they don’t kill him, though something evil tells him the darkness is coming.
Scene: Forrest setting.
Character Development: Don’t see much here, besides the man giving up. If that’s normal for him, we don’t know yet.
Grammar: Marked below. Not my strongest suit though.
Just My Personal Opinion: I don’t have much of one yet. Classic warning of something coming. I do have an opinion on the name you gave the land, RhyDin. Did you know, this has been the name for the world people RP in on AOL for over 10 years now? Maybe it ties in somehow later, I don’t know. But if this was just an unlucky thing, I think it would be better to change to a name that is less known.
Questions: None.
The sun beat down onto the realm known as RhyDin. It was mid-Summer and the weather was much hotter than usual. There was much diversity in this great land. Here the many races lived for the most part in harmony. There had been disputes and battles fought throughout the plains and great hills in the past, but RhyDin was enjoying an extended time of peace.
On this scorching day, sounds of commotion came from the confines of one of RhyDin’s many forests. Deep within the wild vegetation ran a large human form. He leapt over tangled tree roots and ducked under low tree branches in an effort to escape something. The glow of sweat covered his face and his dark hair clung to his forehead. His even darker eyes were wide with fear.
He glanced over his shoulder, horrified to see that he was still being chased. On his trail was were a pack of four-legged beasts. They were each more or less like a wolf, though their bodies were much larger and their fur pitch black. Pearly white teeth flashed as they opened their mouths to growl and bark at their prey. Their paws dug deep into the ground, gaining on him with each stride forward.
“Help! Someone!” he managed to yell through his deep breathing. Unfortunately for him, no one was around to hear his shouting. He wanted nothing more than for this madness to end. The wild pack was gaining on him, and he knew that soon he would be theirs to do with what they wished. He felt a burning in his chest and a sharp pain in his side. His legs turned to rubber and he fell to the ground, accepting his fate.
The man tensed, expecting to be torn to pieces by the blood-thirsty animals. He opened his eyes and saw a blurred image of the beasts standing around him. They had him trapped, though he was paralyzed with both exhaustion and fear. At the same moment, all the wolves dropped onto their hind legs, sitting and staring at him. The man reached behind him, grabbing at a large boulder, trying to get up despite the inability of his legs. His head spun from side to side, looking at each of the wolves, who watched his feeble attempts at standing.
A howl rose from the back of the pack. One by one, each wolf raised its head to the sky and joined in the horrifying call. The man fell back against the rock, raising his hands to his ears. While the beasts cried, the ground below began to shake. A rumbling of thunder followed as dark clouds appeared above, choking out the light of the sun. The man shut his eyes as if trying to wake himself from a terrible dream.
“Open your eyes.”
The voice echoed all around the man. As he opened his eyes, the colors of the forest were replaced with shadow and blackness. A creeping dark swallowed up the trees, vines, and grass. The wolves that bayed were no longer visible. The only thing he could see were two glowing red eyes. Terror filled his heart and he began to tremble uncontrollably.
“Beware. Your journey through the darkness will soon begin, and you will never be the same again,” came the rumbling of the same voice. A pale white hand moved through the air, emitting a force that drew the cowering man toward those evil eyes. He tried to scream, but no sound came out. A deep cackle flew through the chilled air as the man raced in a spiral of colors and blinding lights. I didn’t quite understand this. Did he race into or through them, or into some kind of portal or vortex? Making this clearer, I think would improve the ending of this.
Then there was only darkness. |
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