i liked this poem. i am 63 and cannot clean any longer. i definitely see the point of how it will become twice as hard. think of it as a good thing. i felt that you have put cleanng in it's place lol. keep writing, this could lead to better things in life. sincerely, saundra
my first reaction was "horrified". you definitely had me and i read it three times. while true to nature mother having to choose is a reality. i really did not see any mistakes. i think you should keep writing and are the type of person who writes about things that are not usually thought of. from reading this poem, it left me with my mouth hanging open. too good. sincerely, saundra
i made my self, not cry. it would have easily started with tears, and then i would have found 10 more to cry with. my favorite line was "please tell me what i did wrong", so sad. it seems the one who gets left out of the relationship starts, with thinking that it must be our fault because the person we love must be perfect, it must ble us. i really believe you showed that in such a good way. i did not find any thing to change, it came across very well. good luck and keep writing. sincerely, saundra
i love it, i could feel the tension all of the way throughout. i think that i really relate to your work in writing. I am in end stage copd and have time to read. i think we can only do 1 review that would count. i just wanted to review this after i read it. sometimes i lose words, spelling, just plain forget. so if you find errors treat me gentle. for me, your writing is like watching a movie. you are so good. the end of this has a good moral for all. just that one second of time and your day takes a bad turn. good thiinking for the lead pipe sincerely, saundra
i love it. i can picture a band playing this, as well as cheryl crow singing it. why her??? i do not know, it just came to me. also gives out a good message to any one in that situation. you brought that out very well. the courage to leave just does not come easy. i found nothing out of place, nor mispelled. as i am getting sicker, and sicker, i often find that i lose my words of what item or what things are called, so if i have made any, chalk it up for me, i am so glad to have met you. sincerely, saundra
I know that you have shared this for those of us, what it feels like to have a perfect explanation of what it means to go through this. i constantly go through anxiety so servere that i have no thoughts of any thing else. just sharing this makes me understand from someone else that i am not alone after all. the imaginery was a source to see what it is like. i found no mistakes, or miss spellings. you have done a wonderful job of helping others. sincerely, saundra
just beautiful rose. the reader is given a look into your thinking of this beautiful poem. i found no errors, it was gentle and enjoyable to read this poem.. truely emotional in the very best way possible. i felt that i was with this man who walked in the woods. sincerely saundra
how beautiful this is. my heart filled with joy. totally unexpected. you are a wonderful writer. thank you for your imagery. it was well done. there was nothing that that needed to be fixed. lovely. sincerely saundra
this was a wonderful read, i laughed my way through it. the characters became real to me and i am 62. i loved it. it also worked in a moral to the story that i can see would be good to tell around a campfire, in the dark. too much scarey content, i see kids jumping up and crying, "oh no, i did that once and i am so sorry. all of the good stories have fear as a factor like _little red riding hood_, sleeping beauty. wonderful job. the ending was very thought out. good job. sincerely, saundra
very nice read, i liked it very much. i truely did not find anything about it that i would suggest changing. i can tell that you wrote this from your heat, which is where good reads come. keep writing and spread the joy you have with our creator,, so others might do so. sincerely, saundra
amazingly, i believe i do know of whom you speak. also, i have wondered for a long time now if there were any people such as yourself. you can write with knowledge of the problems of this world, and i am sure you will for a very long time. i am 60 years old, and you have helped a lot by your writing. keep up this type of work, it suits you so well. there are some problem words and i will just make a list of them: i am not an english teacher, and am always glad when someone points out grammer, as it takes away from your reading when you notice such problems. just start with your 1st paragraph and go from there to fix the words:
separating, beneficial, building, sooner should be soon, above 60 years should be about 60 years, the 1st use of Islam is not capitalized, noticing, qualities, remember, broaden, positive, strongly. if you ever need a proof reader, i am there. i feel that the human race has become too afraid to speak up, they have become over worked and tired. there is little time between working to feed you family, and being able to set right some of the wrongs of the world. we need people such as yourself. sincerely, saundra
well, not to discourage you hon, but what is this about? your punctuation needs a lot of work. and there are two important words that are spelled wrong. blacken and glups,, should be blackened, and engulfs. your heart is what came through to me, i know there is a writer inside your mind that needs to be let loose and roam. you have come to the right place. i will tell you, read and read, and read some more. soak up the knowledge you find here and fill up that void and the hunger with wonderful words and situations. write every chance you get, and learn. and please feel free to email me all of your works and i will help if you want. i believe in you. sincerely, saundra
this item is being reviewed by a member of the FMS and Survivors Review Challenge
i wish my mind would perform for me, as your's does. i just love this. the kitten is precious, and the picture it really helps the reader. i love the hatbox, gosh i just love your writing (saundra laughing). i could not even find something wrong, no matter what. you had me by the first line, and it was the line that i loved the most. thank you for writing this for me read this. you are a wonderful writer. sincerely, saundra
the review is being done by a member of FMS and Survivors Review Challenge
i really like the way that you came about in this poem. quick crisp words in each line leading up to the finale gave a wonderful insight to the man himself. very well done. i would not change anything about this. i really like the last part, where he doesn't share. very nice read. sincerely, saundra
i can relate to this. i feel like you are just throwing up your hands with this, as if all of the times you spent with them, and they did not pick up that they should return some of the love and kindess back. i feel this worked for you, making it real to read this. wonder how many of us mothers are going through the same? i did not see anything i thought you should change, and there was nothing i disliked about it. hang in there grandma, i am hoping it is different in heaven, or i should have just raised dogs. sincerely, saundra
this review is group#1697216 FMS AND SURVIVORS REVIEW CHALLANGE
well, i cannot find a single thing wrong, or need to be fixed, it is a perfect poem. i love the imagery and the calmness of the poem, it is as if your mind rests with each word, or line. that is what it did for me. beautiful poem, would make a beautiful water color picture, that would be fun, good job, sincerely, saundra
a wonderful laugh, right when i needed one. the imagery of a pencil going down a hallway, is too cute, i could just picture it in my mind. the best line for me was "please dumb person leave me be". the flow of the poem was quick and funny. the pencil became real with feelings as you portrayed him. very good job. i am giving you a 5.0 for original thought, and giving us, the readers, a chance to write something funny, i dare say that some of us will try it. i will for sure. sincerely, saundra
i am 59 now, but as i read the story i was traveled back to the high school years. the flow of this writing is definitely well done. the characters were realistic and each had an attribute that made them memoriable. the piece moved quickly. the pace was adequate to be able to move forward into the story, without getting bored. , it fit into the modern world we live in, such as computers, blue tooth, etc., i do not see anything that i would change. sincerely, saundra
dying is misspelled (should not be dieing). the second line seems confusing, is it supposed to be (were i how i have ended up there) maybe the change could be (i do not know how i ended up there, leaving out the were (where) completely. the story intriques the reader and that is good. just some editing problems, that sadly do get noticed. i am always watching my work for that problem. just my humble opinion, sincerely, saundra
as i read this, i wondered if you have been in that exact same place. writers often write about occurrances they have had. it is my humble opinion that, when you use the commas, without using the periods as well, it looks confusing to me. i believe the rule is, use them completely, or do not use them. in this case, i believe you should use them, also, question for second line, does she want to BE seen, or NOT to be seen? lastly, when you use the word SAT line 10, might read better using the word "sitting" not SAT as in, he sees the girl sitting outside on the floor. using sitting where appropriate instead of sat. it goes between present, to past by changing the word sat. this is my humble opinion only, this is a poem that needs to be out there where people can read it. very important subject, i think. keep writing, sincerely saundra
that was awful, poor charlie, lord a mercy (saundra laughing). i grew up on a farm, therefore, i understand this. too funny. the personalies of the roosters was well done. it was a surprise he did all of them, that was good for the reader to be surprised. there is nothing i would change about this. a simple fun read. sincerely, saundra
this is really good, the insight into this subject is amazing. the imagery was clearly unique. the relationship to the cats and dogs, made sense to me as the reader. the flow was smooth,, and it showed that you had given much thought to your subject. my favorite line was "new meetings replaying ancient scenes". a very nice read. sincerely, saundra
i truely liked the "hear an untouched whisper", that was powerful and will be a way that i will look at trees different in life. this is a beautiful poem and shows great imagery. i too have experienced the touch of god. i believe that a poem like this is a very good thing for the people who read it. the flow of the poem was smooth, easy to feel. very nice poem. sincerely, saundra
i find this to be a memorable piece, the format is perfect. it was smooth from start to finish. i was very sad at
this poem. i read without taking a breath. a very well written poem and a subject that will help others who might pass through your writing. i know there must have been many tears for this poem to come into being. i like that you shared with all of us. it was an honor to read. i too, have no family to speak of, and i did start to write to leave a little something about me in this life. the title fits the poem, and i loved the imagery of the cradle. i believe that we become good poets because we have been challanged with grief. sincerely, saundra
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/saundra
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.13 seconds at 3:46am on Nov 08, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
