Nice work on this. It's a pretty clever little story, but I think you might've made it run on to long. By the time you get to the end you know what's going to happen. It still retains it's humor, the story just doesn't quite make you laugh. I think if you cut out some of the middle exposition the story would be improve because of it.
Well alinaturek, you have successfully made a document that can be publicly viewed. I know it's some what awkward adjusting to a new system and that getting use to this site might take a while, but I think putting up a story would probably get you more reviews.
This is a well written horror story in a compact space. Of course the tension doesn't really build up that much throughout because of the quick close. It might benefit from being extended a bit more, to prolong the mystery of the forest. The open ending though is very beneficial, as the rest of the story can be filled in by the reader.
I'm not quite sure what you're trying to imply there at the end, and you have some errors that are blatantly obvious. This piece could benefit greatly from some revisions.
An excellent portrayal of internal suffering. I hope you yourself arn't so wrecked internally as this, and if you are my prayers go with you. But I have to point out a few mistakes you made.
The line "My kids thinks this monster is such a crime," shoud read "My kids think this monster is such a crime," because the extra 's' on 'think' makes it grammatically incorrect.
You also lose the meter at some points throughout the poem. Other than that small technical stuff, I think you did well.
I think you may have put this story on the wrong website. This is a community composed primarily of English speeking individuals. I suggest you attempt to rewrite this in English, you'll get more people to read it.
Disturbing, I've got to admit. A good work for the upcoming halloween season. I'm not the best judge, but I think you might have a shot at this competition that you're entering . I wish you luck, and the will to keep up the excellent work. Since the upper limit is 300 words you might want to think of a way of shortening it just a little though. You're cutting it pretty close.
Signed,
F. G. King
**This review is in association with CSFS and the Vampire Raid**
This is a great short story. I didn't see anything that affected the story in terms of grammatical issues. It was well written, and the descent to vengeance was clearly outlined. Generally I don't like the use of religion to make vengeance justifiable, in any form, but I must admit in this scenario it is a certainly viable spark. I applaud your skill, and keep writing.
Oh, and I just want to guess, N-1-2 is a reference to Numbers 1:2 correct?
Educational and looks to be well researched, but I'd have to take issue with how it's been organized. I found it to be a bit of a difficult read. perhaps if some of the larger sections were restructured it would be a little more comprehensible. Obviously a lot of effort went into writing this, and I congratulate you on the finished result.
This is a really clever story. It puts a spin on the whole, "being a vampire is awesome" mentality that people seem to have today. Then the mix with the leprechaun love story, brilliant! There are a few issues keeping this from perfection though. Just small grammatical problems, but other than that this is great for a laugh!
An interesting piece, but with a little critiquing it could get a lot better. I think you should go back through and read it out loud to yourself, this helps me for catching different errors that you might miss just skimming over it. All in all I think it's pretty good, and I hope to see more from this world, Rune, sometime in the future.
The poem is a little vague, but I don't think it's really long enough to garner much of an emotional response. Almost immediately I get a feeling of loneliness and regret, which is certainly a good sign. It squeezes that out of me almost right away, but I think if you really want to harness the emotions I think you're trying to portray here it might take a little more than six lines.
Emotionally charged, to say the least. I wasn't expecting that last piece of information, though I was wondering about the curious mention of your lover being absent. I mourn your loss, even though I'm totally unaware of the circumstances involved. I hope that you see many more places in your life, and that you keep having many more adventures. But don't forget your loss, it might hurt, but from the sound of it, he's worth remembering.
Curiously morbid, and at the same time, mildly comical. You could probably manage to turn it into a novel, but I'm not sure what the ultimate end would be, finding a way to kill himself? Or maybe finding a reason for his immortality, and a purpose to continue living, despite how long he'd lived already....
Good idea for a short story. In retrospect it seems as if to many people live their lives aiming for this kind of thing. Needing to be on time, all the time. Your writing style is quite good, and I don't think I saw any blatant errors, though my own grammar is far from perfect, so you might need some one else's word on that. Ultimately, this was entertaining and enlightening.
I enjoyed this poem greatly. It's so full of emotion, and an emotion that is felt by every betrayed friend. Yet, always, friendships carry their good memories and the hope of those happy times is often enough to bring us back to lost friendships. I applaud your skill, and I hope to see more of your works on here in the future. Thank you for being willing to share this with us.
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