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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sarcast
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11 Public Reviews Given
83 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Watchman  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was absolutely brilliant. I adore the idea of using music as a weapon, and might take that from you sometime soon. XD In any event, write on, and here is my responce.....

Watchman in the tower stands
Brave and tall in night
To guard across the distant lands
Representative of the light

Trumpet's call and lightening's fire echo through the dawn
To sign a pact so ridiculed, but to which you have been drawn

There you go! One random poem from Jewell A Pentagram Author Icon
2
2
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
First Impressions: This is wonderfully creepy, and I appreciate that.

Formatting Options: You might want to consider taking away the emotions that the actor feels when playing your parts. A good actor will know how the character is supposed to react, and, if not, they will ask. That being said, I make that mistake all of the time, so don't feel bad. Also, you may wish to consider italicizing the actions, instead of putting *this*. It isn't a problem for me, but a few people have complained about my writing because of that exact thing.

Things that will stick with me: The whole thing. It was touching, the way you portrayed death as a kindly man, who has feelings and a soul as well. This piece, short though it was, will be something I will remember for quite some time.

Thanks for posting--

Jewell A Pentagram
3
3
Rated: E | (3.5)
Note: This is only my opinion. Use it as you wish!

First Impression: A sweet poem about a night on the beach with a loved one.

Grammar & Spelling: You misspelled ferris wheel. This poem could also do with some punctuation and capitalization.

Suggestions: This poem just needs something. It was mediocre, but it just needed something..... A rhyme scheme perhaps...?

Final Views: I like it, but I don't love it.
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Review of The Rose  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
First Stanza: This is a fair piece, but a bit too over-sweet. It seems almost... glurge-ey
Second Stanza: .... a bit better, but still too sweet.
Third Stanza: True. This is looking up.
Fourth: I'm really beginning to like this poem!
Last Stanzas: Tooo true.

Grammar: Some people would insist you add some commas, but I say punctuation is for wussies.

Suggestions: None. You conveyed in the poem how love seems to be the best thing ever, hurts us, and then we realize that, to quote a Beatles song, "All we need is love"!
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