Here's some of my thoughts (to be taken with a pinch of salt). I think the quote 'Anything you can do I can do better' is a pretty famous one that might be overused. Think it was a song by Betty Hutton.
Also the ending of the story feels a little abrupt and not rounded off properly 'Life is funny like that'. Maybe I can suggest
"He paused on a nearby tree branch, his little heart still racing. Where had the other sparrow gone? He scanned the area, but there was no trace of his rival. Then, as he glanced down at the shiny car window once more, the realization struck him.
There had never been another sparrow.
He had spent all that time battling his own reflection.
With a sheepish ruffle of his feathers, he let out a small, embarrassed chirp. The car owner chuckled, shaking his head as he drove away.
The sparrow, now wiser, fluffed up his chest and took off into the sky, deciding that next time, he’d save his energy for real challenges—not imaginary ones."
This gives me KiKi's delivery service feels. She's a witch that grows up in a world of talking cats and flying broomsticks but as she gets older, the magic of the world starts to disappear, shes unable to hear her cat anymore (jiji just says 'meow' now). It's rly sad but I love the magic u captured
Not sure if you meant to start in what seems to be the middle of the story but LOVE this. I would 100% read this - fast paced, engaging for children and otherworldly magical. This reminds me of old school Narnia, darker and more real but with a strong message of love.
"The love we share is stronger than any darkness she could ever create!". YES.
If you wanna talk publishing, I work for a publisher that publishes aspiring children authors - publish.picolibo.com or just message me if u want
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