I really enjoy this. The language is well balanced, and I enjoy the direct quotations. It's a great short story. There may be a way to incorporate his age and occupation (if you want to provide that info) in a narrative form. Having it as you do now is a sharp/almost distant contrast to the very warm narrative that you use to convey your conversation with him. There is a typo or two, nothing major, but is a means of improving the text. I enjoyed the ending, in any future revision you decide on, I definitely suggest leaving the ending alone, it is great as is!
I am getting back into the groove of writing, and trying to find/make time for this passion. Just wanted to say hello, and to express my appreciation of this space!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sapphronia
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 6:41am on Oct 08, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
