I haven’t read many steampunk stories, but have a.ways wanted to. This was pretty good, the shorter a story is the more skilled the writer. I’ve tried to write flash fiction before, and it’s difficult.
I believe in the late 19th century robots were referred to as automatons. I don’t think the word robot was coined yet at that time.
This is a good way of looking at life. You spoke of the good and bad things in life, and not focusing on the negative things. You have a good philosophical mindset, if you come up with more insightful things like this you could get them published. Keep writing!
You have a skill for describing things in a very ornate and detailed way without providing too much information for the reader. That is a rare skill, something I’ve lost over the years. This was an interesting short story that had me reading to the end!
In paragraph nine, it looks like the word “eye” should be plural, but that’s the only mistake I noticed.
This could be a potentially humorous ending, we see these guys about to duel and they become friends. When I was a writer for a television show in 1991 I wrote about a bodybuilder seeking revenge against an enemy who had harmed him when he was a child. The bodybuilder had become a born again Christian so he forgave his enemy, much to the enemy’s relief. This short story echoes that type of scenario.
I admire your dedication to exercise. I’ve tried to stick to an exercise regimen multiple times and fell off. For you to remain true to your training shows a lot of dedication. Others, such as myself, can learn from you in this regard. I’m currently trying to exercise every day in November this month, and so far, I’ve stuck to it.
It’s an incredible coincidence that you wrote about this and I stumbled onto it right when I’m in the middle of trying to get dedicated to exercise. I hope you keep it up, and I wish you the best!
I also have OCD, so I can relate to this a little bit. It’s too bad you missed out on Thanksgiving, but it goes to show you’re a good person who cares about others. Most people wouldn’t care, and would’ve gone despite not knowing that they were negative.
In paragraph 16, you have a comma followed by a word without a space in between. I know this is minor, but I thought I’d mention it, because I would want someone to point something like that out to me in my written works.
I don’t usually review poetry, but the subject caught my eye. I agree with your opinion on this, that Internet is an addiction similar to food. We need food, but too much is bad for us.
When I took Freshman Composition in junior college, the professor taught us that Internet is supposed to be capitalized. I’m not sure if this is universal, but it was taught to me in California in 2007. You have some places where it isn’t capitalized.
The idea of death incarnate is an ancient concept, but no matter what religion you are, or atheist or agnostic, you can’t deny that death exists. I like the way you described Death, you made it sound alive. I’m religious so I believe death may be an Angel, as some believe.
This is good advice, I like the idea of writing poorly then editing and critiquing it until it’s better. Terry Pratchett is a well respected author, I came in hoping for some wisdom, and I wasn’t disappointed. I looked at it the way you did, that a first draft is a rough version of a final draft. I definitely learned something.
This was a cute little poem with a message about standing up for yourself. I can relate somewhat to the feelings of the protagonist, but I do feel I have some natural talent that makes me better than average. People who feel bad about themselves could read this poem and find inspiration.
Summer has always been my favorite season, that’s why I was drawn to this poem. You managed to mention most of the things associated with the summer season. I like the grilling and ice cubes you write about. The squirrels and birds were cute, too. Thank you for sharing your work!
This is an interesting short story with a twist ending I didn’t expect. You did a good job with that. The characters seemed vivid and real. The events seemed plausible. An unusual way to acquire a pet mouse, but that makes the story. I hope to read more from you!
I think a lot of us have been in love with the wrong person and we look back and see that they weren’t right for us. You have a good perception of the problem and the solution. Some people never get that far, and remain in love in an unhealthy relationship.
This is a funny little poem that taught me a word that wasn’t part of my vocabulary. I was unaware that there was a phobia associated with beards and mustaches. I’m unable to grow a beard or mustache, so that’s what drew me to this poem. I wonder if there is a phobia of clean shaven men?
It looks like you did a good job following the prompt. It sounds like drinking with leprechauns is inadvisable. For a short poem you really got your point across. Thank you for providing a definition of the words and the requirements of the prompt. I liked this!
I agree with your position that we get older and we would like to get our youth back. Yogi Berra is a respected athlete in the history of American baseball. This was a good poem, and I liked how you explained at the end the type of poetry this was.
One issue I had is your use of the word chimera, I can’t find a definition of that word that relates to the way you’re using it, can you please explain that to me?
This is a cute short story about a young girl’s first Halloween going trick or treating. I was three the first time I did it, it’s understandable that this girl was six, because her parents don’t allow trick or treating.
Smart grandpa for hustling up a costume so quickly!
If this is an actual personal experience and not a work of fiction, you had an interesting life. It’s sad that you never realized your dream of becoming a writer. I hope you strive to write the story you always wanted to!
If this is a work of fiction, you developed an interesting character. It’s interesting how her life went full circle.
I’m glad they let her sing the song and change the lyrics to apply to her personal situation. I’m proud of American veterans, and I’m glad the young woman was able to get her point across to the crowd. Hopefully, her son follows in his father’s footsteps.
This is a sentimental memory of an older person remembering their husband. I like reading about interesting things from the personal lives of other people like this, it has always fascinated me. It’s amazing that a plant could grow to such an extent that it became a nuisance. It’s also ironic that despite all of the problems it caused, the new home owners loved the vine.
You definitely have skills with plot twists. This was a well written short story that surprised me with the clever ending.
I think I may have spotted a mistake on the second paragraph. He says he would outgrow then, and “then” may be better as “them.”
Another concern that may not be as important is the names were too elaborate for my tastes, they seemed contrived by a writer. I was pulled out of the story because the names were overly ornate. This is something only you can decide for yourself. If her name was Lisa Johnson or something similar, that would’ve seemed more plausible to me than the fancy name you gave her.
I’m not knocking any points off for either of these issues because it’s just a matter of opinion. This is a great story, and I hope to read more from you!
This is an interesting situation, but there are several errors in this piece. In the first sentence, it says the name of the character and the words “knows frowned.” This doesn't make sense to me.
In the fifth sentence of the first paragraph, it says “starting pacing” when it should say “started pacing.”
In the second paragraph you misspelled the word “fidgeted.”
I would like to read more about these characters, the premise seems interesting , but you need to correct the mistakes.
This is a really sad story that reminds me that we should be careful how we react to people we know, because we don’t know how much time we have with that person. The dad sounds like a narcissist. I’ve known people like him, and I try to stay as far away from people like them as possible.
I like stories like this that make sense, that have a point to get across. Good job!
The theme of this essay is that we should give to those in need without questioning their worthiness of that aid; this is a very important lesson for people to understand. I can remember when I was poor and people would judge me and think that I didn’t deserve to be helped. My situation was complicated, and I didn’t want to explain my situation in detail.
This is a poem about searching for inspiration while composing a poem, which is something many writers can relate to. I like how you try to use watching television as an excuse. I have done that before myself. It's interesting that you could write about trying to write, I found that ironic.
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