Just great. Very poetic, a lot of work whether it was done spontaneously or after a long series of writings and re-writings was put into this. Great work.
I like this. My personal preference would be to focus on the last line, perhaps even making it a smaller poem, but focusing on the dramatic moment described therein. Very good effort.
I like the atmosphere you tried to give. I like the overall message of your work. What i do not like is the fact that the poem reads a little like storytelling. You need to work on your techinique something that can be easilly forgiven due to the young of your age. Please keep on writing, and work with it because experience(both in your works and the works of others) is all you need i think to be really good.
Liked the way it ended very much, unexpected and made me want to read ti over again this time with renewed interest. The second time i could appreciate it for what it is and its meaning. Very nice, keep up the good work!
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