I've never lost anyone close to me so I have no idea how I would handle it. The emotion in this piece was enough to choke me up and make me think about it. Like an echo of how it might feel.
I hope you've managed to fill the space with happiness.
great poem
the last sentence in the first paragraph needs to be re-written.
"From 1973 to 1983 I am ranked 5th in hits during that time and won a batting title in 1980. What I’m getting at is that I had a pretty productive career."
The tenses are confusing, you're talking about a past period but using present tense. There's no clarification as to it's present relevance, so maybe better to qualify the statement or use past tense.
*I was ranked 5th in hits from 1973-1983...." "I'm still ranked 5th in hits for the 10 seasons from 1973-1983..."
Also you repeat the statement about the batting title which is a bit messy.
I really like this idea, I love reading this sort of mental, self narration style.
I gotta say that the bit that hooked me in the most was your ending, the details leading to your characters incarceration, but then it was over. I think you have lots of room to expand on this. Good stuff!
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