Hello there!
We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after one of your posts. Therefore, I will be reviewing your entry. This is what brought me to your work today.
I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship and camaraderie, and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.
Note:
I tend to give very specific feedback and comments. For the paragraph numbering for my comments below, I want to explain. Usually, a new paragraph would begin with each new speaker in dialog. Since you used a format where lines of dialog were grouped together with single-spacing, I considered those one paragraph each, anywhere where you had single spacing. (Hope that makes sense.....)
 - - Kudos - -
What an inventive and riveting piece! I found it quite interesting and thought-provoking.
I enjoy reading a piece that causes me to frequently think 'Now I'd never think of that!'
The descriptions, the overall plot, and the mysterious voice are all intriguing.
I see paragraph 21 as especially significant and moving ... essential to the story and its impact . . . well done!
Intriguing story with an intriguing, thought-provoking conclusion.....
(A few parts were a little confusing and didn't read as smoothly as the rest, but I'll address that below.)
The hook - -
Your introductory  is very strong. I clearly sets the scene and truly grabs the reader, drawing me in. I like how you're creating a setting that is connected to our current situation while also projecting into the future while in a different location.
Scenery / Setting - -
Clear, descript, and interesting:
Greenland - very sparsely populated place - island - coast - nearly desolate - the rocky shoreline - Baffin Bay - (references to icebergs) - a large yacht - the white-crested sea - "The air tasted of salt" - "The turn of the vessel toward the frigid north"
Plot - -
Clear - riveting - compelling
clear introduction - rising action that hooks the reader repeatedly - intriguing ending (one that really is not the end after all.....) 
Dialogue - -
Content strong - moves the story forward - nice balance of dialog vs. prose - adds intensity and emotion
Some punctuation/capitalization errors - see below
Character Development - -
It's minimal in the piece, but that is all that the reader needs. You give us all we need to know, I believe.
Sam's introduction enters a bit abruptly.
Figurative Language / Imagery - -
Alliteration - - 22: "dragged a duffle bag" -
Imagery - -
Visual/Sight -
2: in a frigid land with thermal springs, strange flora, and brightly painted houses - very sparsely populated place - island - coast -
nearly desolate - (references to icebergs throughout the piece) -
3: dark-skinned with dark features -
4: a tall, and thin, man -
5: It seemed to be moving toward us, almost on a zig-zag pattern -
7: a large yacht -
9: the white-crested sea -
10: young gangly drone pilot -
13: He gasped..., and froze. - his mottled hand -
22: The contents were bright and shiny even on a cloudy day. -
24: The turn of the vessel toward the frigid north
Sound/Hearing -
4: ...he said without any inflection
12: the lack of motor noise... and people noise -
13: He gasped, probably in a way he'd never before, and froze. -
14: Max thundered into the room. -
s 16/17: “One of you...” / I heard it, and I’d swear to it again. -
17: a sloppy wet noise -
25: The engines started... - the little voice in my head said,...
Taste - 12: The air tasted of salt -
Touch/Feel/Sensory/Texture/Temperature - 2: in a frigid land with thermal springs...
(references to icebergs throughout the piece) -
24: The turn of the vessel toward the frigid north
Smell - 24: a giant output of air with a foul smell. -
Favorites - Most effective passage(s) - -
1: "...and everyone thought that was the end of it. We all did. Turns out we were wrong."
11: very descriptive without having to spell out the details ... I like how you frame the scene but leave the details up to the reader's imagination: "...they were certainly dead, and even from 25’ up, it was clear to see. Sea birds have to eat, too."
13: "Greedy, perhaps, but practical, too. It was a fine thing, and I owned nothing on the water." - - purposeful sentence fragment + interesting content
14: "the mortal coil" - -
s 16/17: “One of you...” / I heard it, and I’d swear to it again.
- - as I mentioned initially, all of paragraph 21!!
Obviously (I think), 16, 20, & 26: "One of you..." / "One of you will..."/ “One of you will stay with us…”
25: "The engines started, and I wasn’t surprised." Goodness, well I was! You really got your reader here! Most intriguing! 
Great, effective word choice:
1: "souls" - strikes me as meaning, significant, deep, purposeful ... another reason to read on
12: ...the dead silence of the bay - very purposeful, loaded word choice
12: Great word choice paired with your setting: ...my spirit was buoyed by the lack of motor noise... and people noise.
14: Max thundered into the room.
Mechanics/Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling/Etc. - -
4 - - “Ship,” He said without any inflection. - do not capitalize "he" in this instance
- - The commas here made this read awkwardly for me: He was a tall, and thin, man from Maine
6 - - Confusing - likely just a spelling typo: a ship by mow
8 - - should be a comma after "bay": ...the bay.” Max responded.
9 - - Run-on sentence - - perhaps for effect - - the two really go together - - perhaps tighten it up and tie the two together with a semi-colon?? - - "I won’t lie, that piece of luxury looked just fine, even banged up a little. "
10 - - Confusing - likely just a spelling typo: Three others sain in unison.
15 - - likely just a spelling typo? - "...I asked/ He shook..."
18 - - Like the first one above, do not capitalize "he" - “They’ll be a damn hour!” He came back with two minutes later.
Add end quotes here to decrease confusion:
I nodded. “Yeah, so let’s go get him. I headed back to the bridge.
Also in 23 - - “I can get to the island with the bag,” He told me.
24 - - again likely just a spelling typo: - "in his fand with ferocity"
Room for Improvement - -
This reads awkwardly for me. Could be just a typo/spelling issue or a phrase used in a different part of the country/world? - - the edge of an island of the coast
Lead sentence in 7 reads awkwardly to me...could be just me...of course, do as you like
7 - In this sentence, it sounds like the teen is doing the asking and "him" is vague - - The young teen answered the door and asked him about the drone flight.
9 - It was unclear for a bit here that they ended up using Max's boat: ...I finally convinced Max to go with me...
15 - Since this sounds like one spoken sentence rather than 2, a comma might be better after 'whispered' - - “Max,” I whispered. “Is anyone alive down there?”
Paragraph 18 is overall a bit confusing or awkward to me. It could, however, be influenced by my minimal maritime experience. You will know better if it should remain unchanged.
19 - Drowned? "...the water and drown before..."
This part of Paragraph 19 reads unclearly to me also, but again, I know there's a possibility that it's a result of my lack of familiarity with the details of sailing: "I ran forward and got to the controls. I barely noticed there was no hand on the throttle, because I went to check gauges and start the engines. Nothing. One of the men aboard was a mechanic, and after ten minutes, he found nothing as well."
I was a little confused in paragraph 23. It sounds like two different things about the bag?
Final thoughts - -
Another rare thing your story does for me is that it forced my mind, at the end, into thoughts are where they'd go next, what happens next, where the yacht was before, the additions of the carious people in the past and the reality they may not have known each other, etc.
Despite the mentions I made above of some punctuation, spelling, and other clarity issues, this is a great piece. Please hear my praise more loudly than my delineated editing comments.
I hope this one wins the round of the contest you entered! Thanks for the mysterious adventure and voyage and for the compelling images you painted in my mind.
Another note:
In most of my reviews, I usually only have a couple words that I highlight as great & effective word choices and similarly just a couple phrases that stood out to me as compelling/favorite/effective. While reviewing your piece, they just continued to jump out at me. Well done!
* * Let me know if you write a "part 2" or a prequel!
I know this got really long, but I hope you're feeling encouraged and energized about your creativity and spinning of mysteries in this "mortal coil"!
Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers  
      
** Image ID #1389515 Unavailable **
 
|
| (4.0)
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
- - Kudos - - 
- - Kudos - - 
I am a Strawberry Shortcake Power Raider, here to taste your fare for "
- - Kudos - - 
(More on that later.)
Again, the ending is the cherry on top! 
eighty-eight-year-old
Theme/Subject Matter: 
Originality/Creativity: 
