\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rpappotte
Review Requests: OFF
6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Rudi Pappotte Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
You have developed an interesting twist on the origin of the Cheshire Cat from "Alice and Wonderland." You have developed a good plot from rising action to climax and hence falling action. Your characters have some dimension. A couple areas of improvement might be suggested, however. First, there needs to be a bit more to help us understand the Cheshire Cat is only a kitten. The reader needs to believe even though the cat has wisdom from birth, it is still only a kitten and, therefore, gullible in life. You might, then, work a bit more on the weak areas of being the Cheshire "Kitten." Second, it would be good to spend a bit more time foreshadowing what is to come. when I found out the second raven was the brother of the first and the Cheshire Cat was being used as a pawn, I had to go back to find where that piece of information may have been introduced. I did not find enough of the "who" and "why" to make a difference. All-in-all I think you have a good story going. The twist on the Cheshire Cat and how he received his magic of disappearance makes for a good telling. Good luck as you rework the story.
2
2
Review of Hate  Open in new Window.
Review by Rudi Pappotte Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I find your poem intriguing. It has good content. Why did you choose the shape of a "bell" for your poem? Or, was that just the way it came out when centering? Just a thought. Often poems are written with design in mind. The bell speaks to me of marriage and eternity. Are you intending on reminding the focus of your poem as such? Interesting. One last offer, you might want to rethink words such as "indefensible", "inexcusable" and "mundane." They seem to take away from the effect of your emotion. I can understand the anger, but sometimes simple is better. It is a good attempt at emotional writing. Thank you for your writing. -- Rudi Pappotte
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rpappotte