I love this piece! I really like how you talked about the bitterness of the war and losing your friends in a peaceful way. By keeping anger from your writing, the reader has more respect as to what you are saying, if that makes sense. I also like the rhythm of your writing and how each line flows into the next.
My favorite part is the third stanza:
Saw lots of action that winter day.
People dying along the way.
Friends who shared their lives lay cold
Angels now each one and all
The only (minor) critique I have to say about this piece is just the last line of the third stanza. I like the angel imagery but I feel like your message would be more powerful if the last line rhymed with cold, as to follow the rhyme scheme in the rest of the piece. Maybe you could use "gold" somehow but still keeping the angel imagery. Maybe something along the lines of Angels now, they shine like gold?, again, I'm just putting out ideas.
This piece is fantastic and I'm really happy you are coping with the war by sharing your memories through writing. No doubt, you have lived through tough experiences but I am grateful you shared your memories with us!
Excellent piece! It has such a great meaning, and you wrote it beautifully. You can really feel the desperation of this poem. I like how the beginning of the piece you started with the girl speaking softly with "gentle hands" and then proceeded to make her get angrier and angrier and then ending with a "solemn whisper". There are just a few grammatical errors like "stop thinking we're fine" and "stop making us think we, ourselves, are not okay" etc. Great poem!
This is a great poem! It makes me want to take the time to notice the little things, just like you did! I like how this poem is simple and fun, but it spreads a great message. Your rhymes don't feel forced either, which is great! I can't find anything wrong with this poem, so I'm not much of a help, but great job!
I like how this poem captures all of the great qualities of a mother. I also like how you compared a real mother to a WDC. This poem really makes me appreciate the mother I have now, while I'm still young, especially because your last stanza is so powerful. This is a wonderful piece!
Good piece! I like how you didn't over complicate the sentences, and you used words children can understand. The only thing I would consider changing is the adjectives describing the birds and the clocks. For example, I might use "clock is screeching" or the "birds are screaming" or some other scarier adjectives, but it is entirely up to you. Good job, I hope this review helped!
Great piece! I really like how you took something so simple, like throwing a pebble, and made it into something more meaningful. This is not necessary, but I would consider making the piece about you throwing a pebble instead of the reader. I would change the prose into first person past tense and make it more about you making mistakes as opposed to the reader. Whether you decide to change it or not, your piece is still excellent! I hope this helps!
Great piece! I like how smoothly this poem flows. Its a great point too, and I completely agree with what you are saying. I would consider changing the first few lines to "The spoken word is OFTEN heard BUT frequently remembered". I think that the point you are making is that even though we talk so much in our every day lives, nothing is memorable. I think that point will get better across if you just change those first to sentences to what I suggested. Great job, I hope these suggestions help!
I like the rhythm to this poem! I like how you turned the focus of this poem around as to sort of ridiculing the user. I maybe would consider using "this is what you want?" instead of "is this what you want?". It's not a big change but i think it will increase the impact of this poem by using the exact same line you used before as the last line. Great job, I hope this helps!
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