While the story was unrelatable, personally for me, i found it to be a good read. You were very descriptive in your story telling. The only thing i would critique, and believe me...i am new to all this, but there was a lack of describing smells. Scent is something that triggers instant memories and familiarity for people. If you can make them invision the smell, they will feel that much more in the story. Something i need to do myself. Good job though!
You MUST publish this. I kept thinking, "Who'd she get this from", thats how good it is. The only tiny thing i would change, and its just my view, is when you put at the end..."I’ll be with you by midnight", id change "by" to 'at", just becaue the ocean is calling for "you" to meet at midnight. But judging by your writing, you know more than me! Its really beautifully haunting!
I think from the start you can feel the pain, and whatever grammar mistakes there may be, are overlooked. Was brutally relatable....leaves you feeling exposed and vulnerable. Nice work!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/roodypoo80
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 8:30am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.